Why dieting doesn't work............ for me.

I have tried several kinds of diet (like every other girl has)

and I mean ALOT.

Dieting doesn't work for me (for obvious reasons),
and I will explain why it doesnt.

I know, I know, I'm just a lazy, greedy sod.

1. The Vegetable only diet.


Gosh, it really is as horrifying as it looks.

Unless you have been a vegan most of your life,
you WILL die doing this diet.

Meat is like, AIR for me.
I will die without meat.

MEATTTTTTTTTTTT.
2. The Rice Vermicilli soup diet



Anything soupy, or made of glass noodles and vermicilli,
aka beehoon,

has wayyyyyyyy less calories than rice, potato and bread.

And it tastes like shit if you eat this every meal, every day, for god knows how long.

My poor poor tummy just couldnt handle not having anything else besides that horrid food.

3. No sugar diet



No coke, no sugared drinks, no sugar in your tea and coffee, no candy,

nothing.

NADA.

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THE CANDY ABOVE?

HOW CAN ANYONE LIVE WITHOUT SUGAR?

That's what makes us sweet and pretty!

that's just insane, man.

Seriously.

4. The Puking diet.



Like, regurgitate all the food you've just eaten out.

Doesn't work.
Hurts my throat.

And it makes my eyes water too!

Do you have any idea how torturing it is to hurl back out all your food?

Makes my throat bleed too :(

5. No salt diet



Dude, everything tastes like its the end of the world.

It has no taste whatsoever.

WHY TORTURE YOURSELF?

I know reducing your intake of salt is good yada, yada, yada.

Lowers blood pressure, loses weight, bla bla bla.

But you would want tasteless food?

Its like living forever colourblind (no offence to those colourblind).

6. Dust bunny diet

yep, yep.

Eating nothing but dust bunnies found in the corner of your room, under the furnitures and behind paintings.

Not very tasty, kinda rough on the throat.

Makes you cough too.

Sometimes hurl like a furball's stuck in your throat.

Not good at all.

6. Water diet



Also known as detoxification.

So you drink water consistently, even when you are hungry.

No solid food.
Nada.

Then you pee every 5 seconds.

Then you start diarrheaing your ass off because it's detoxifying your body.

Kind of a bother when you have to work and you wear pants.

It over works your kidneys too and f*cks it up.

And you end up going bonkers because you get so hungry, you start imagining food on your table and start eating the stationery you have.

7. Ghandi Diet

aka, starvation diet.

That picture is only to show Ghandi.

You do not have to become an activist like him to embark on this diet.

You just have to starve,

and starve,

and starve,

till you lose 3 kgs.

Then you lose your mind and binge on REAL food,

and gain back 8kgs.

Doesn't work too.

Only if you're on a suicide pact.

Even that, you'd still succumb to it.

8. No fast food diet

There is no way I can resist this.

JUST LOOK AT IT.

Isn't it calling out to you to embrace its oily deepfried goodness?

I admit out rightly that I have no perserverance or determination whatsoever.

I lose.

Hands down.

*do you spot a fried chicken inside?*

9. No carbs diet

This is just ridiculous.

Unless you're a flowerpot sitting at home not doing anything,
then you don't need the carbohydrates to supply you your energy.

Even flower pots need energy to just sit there and do nothing.

So this diet is just out of the question.

Do you know how amazingly tasty all of them are?

I think I can smell that muffin from here.

10. Eat small meals diet.

I once tried this diet.

It consisted of :

a sausage,

an apple,

an orange,

and a boiled egg,

spaced every 4 hours.

Everyday.

Yeah I lost shit loads of weight at the end of 11 days.

But I also lost my will to live.

11. Fruits only diet



Yes, its sweet and yummy.

But you really still need carbs and meat to function.

Like, really.

I'm super serials.

So hence, my dear loves, I am a size 14 and not a skinny girl like every other hot chick u see on the street.

I have no determination.
End of story.

And Marie France doesn't work unless you're loaded to constantly keep going.

So love yourself, everyone is meant to be different.
That's why all our fingers are different.

Don't change yourself unless you really want to.

Because you are unique,
just like everyone else :)

Hee.

God have mercy on my waistline.

X