Sunday, November 30, 2008

I kissed a girl...


When I first heard of her, I thought that she was just another new upcoming singer.

I must admittedly say that I did not pay much attention to her, or her songs.

But I was wrong, and I was glad I did not take too long to realise it!

Her debut song, "I kissed a girl", was amazing.

I kissed a girl, and I liked it,
The taste of her cherry chapstick.
I kissed a girl just to try it,
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right,
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

I have kissed a girl and I liked it, but it doesn't mean I was in love, or gay.
I prefer kissing guys much more tho!
Fran has first class experience to what I'm saying!
Next in line, Jess.
*evil laughter*

Anyways, Katy Perry's songs are so pleasurably sinful,
(albeit slightly offensive to close minded people)
upbeat, and catchy tunes, it really makes my day!

Was driving to work today with mum when her song came up,
and I hopped up and down while driving.

My mum thought I was gay.

And crazy.


As much as people have negatively commented on her song of promoting homosexualism,
they are wrong.
I don't know why, but they are wrong.
(see how good I am at defending)

Although I do know that men secretly hope that women are all lesbian and would make out in front of them anytime they want it!


Katy Perry is SO HOT, I wouldn't mind kissing her.
However, I do not use cherry chapstick, but pineapple passion fruit lipbalm.

Not only was "I kissed a girl" a hit, so was "Hot n Cold".

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS like a bitch I would know
And you always think, always speak cryptically
I should know that your no good for me


Cause' you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight we break up, we kiss we make up
You! you don't really wanna stay no, but you don't really wanna go-oh
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down

This song is AMAZING.
Talks about what an ass most guys are.
And I have first hand experience to tell you that its real.

Men PMS like a bitch too.

Sometimes even worse than us!

It gets me bobbing up and down and I get realllllllllllllly uber hyper and happy!
It's not even suppose to be a happy song!

HEE :)

Katy Perry also has an amazing fashion taste. Some may find her quirky, some may find her disastrous, but you have to hand it to her, she's one of a kind.

Her colours are well played and she's the new age pin up poster girl. (Sorry Dita, She's the new you. And younger.)

The first person, after Carmen Miranda, to promote a healthy living through fruits.

Look she's wearing a watermelon as a jumpsuit dress!

I find using fruits as accessories really brighten up your day.
They are not only colourful to look at, they are also unique.

Gosh, they are soooooooooo pretty.

Innovative as she is, Katy Perry has a humourous side of her as well.
With talent, beauty and brains (to come up with quirky songs/stuff), she has an immense humour to go with it.

If she thinks you're gay, she's probably right.

Did I tell you how hot Katy Perry is?
(I guess I did! But I will tell you again!)
She has this dewy glowy porcelain fair skin, with huge almond blue eyes which just screams out "kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-nehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
She has a perfect rack, long slender limbs, not too skinny, just nice.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH i love her hair as well.

Her fashion style is an inspiration to me.
Unfortunately, my beer/food gut does not allow me to wear short hot pants like hers.
Nor does my 31inch waist and 34inch hips.

Sigh, I am not blessed with an hour figure.
Nice boobs, yes.
Figure, no.

Besides looking quirky, Katy Perry has an elegant side to her as well.

I just noticed that she has a face-ass (aka cleft chin)
Only really good looking people have it!

And a classy side too.

I'd hit that.
And that pizza too.

This is how much I like Katy Perry!


This isn't happening

*bangs head on the wall*


Bought 6 colours of cotton material today to try and make my own shift dress in block colours.

American blue
Dark Green
Shocking Pink

Started off with the Grey one, didn't turn out that well.

Should have just cut a hole for the head,
fit it through my body,
and pin the sides?

Yes, I should have done that.
But no, I had to listen to mum and do this and that.
Now I have been branded as having a poor workmanship!

And it's my first time on the damn 34 year old sewing machine!



I will have my minion (CT) to help me pin myself tomorrow.

It has to work this time.
I'm not letting my RM10.00 per material go to waste.

If anyone has any advise (other than sending it to the tailor or just buying a damn dress),
please tell me.

I am crying out for help.

I should think that a shift dress does not go out of fashion, right?

Damnit some one please help me!


Friday, November 28, 2008

Look what Vodka has done?


Vodka, some of the best times you'll never remember.

Drinking, of course has its side effects.
And Absolut Vodka has taken all its efforts to make sure that the message gets out to the alcoholics that Vodka/Alcohol, has negative effects once consumed excessively.

eg. a night of binge drinking.


You get into an accident with another car because of Alcohol.

Or, you thought you saw more Alcohol coming your way,
and hence you crashed into the tree.


Excessive consumption of Alcohol will lead to sexual dysfunction.

Painful fact isn't it?


You go to a bar, you drown yourself with Vodka/Alcohol.

Then you went home with what you thought was someone HOT.

Then you did some of these.

Ooooh. You likey?

Then in the morning you realised the HOTTIE you brought home was actually this.


So, drink just enough Alcohol to keep you sane in the morning.


7 Deadly Sins

7 Deadly Sins

The Proper Version

The 7 deadly sins have been classified as cardinal sins, used to instruct the followers of Christianity concerning fallen men's tendency to sin.


Gluttony has been described as the over-indulgence and over consumption of ANYTHING to the point of waste.

In some Christian religions, it has been considered a sin to have an excessive desire for food.


Wrath or anger may be described as an uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger.
Anger/hatred leads to revenge.

You know where I'm going, right?


Also described by the Christian religion as excessive desire and wanting for me.

Many would think of shrewd ways of procuring more of what they have desired.

Like Uncle Scrooge.
Stingy bastard.


Ducky's mine now!

Like greed, envy may be characterized by an insatiable desire; they differ, however, for two main reasons. First, greed is largely associated with material goods, whereas envy may apply more generally. Second, those who commit the sin of envy resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, and wish the other person to be deprived of it.



Lazy Bum, Couch Potato, Procrastinator, Sleepy Head, Can't be arsed,
"ah yahhhhhhhhhhhhhh later lah",
etc. etc.

Need I say more?


Pride and Vanity comes hand in hand.

In almost every list pride ( or vanity) is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and indeed the ultimate source from which the others arise. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to give compliments to others though they may be deserving of them, and excessive love of self.

No Vodka, you do not need a skirt.


The final and most familiar of all.

Lustis usually thought of as involving obsessive or excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature. Giving in to lusts can lead to sexual or sociological compulsions and/or transgressions including (but obviously not limited to) sexual addiction, adultery, bestiality, rape, and incest.

Now I've sung you a song, I'm gonna have to sleep with you.

Right, looking at all these cardinal sins, I can savely say that I am going to Hell.

Gluttony, check.
Anger, check.
Sloth, check.
Vanity, check.
Lust, check, check.

Wow, 5/7. THAT'S about as much as an average person can get.
Oh well, God Please have mercy on my soul!!

Now if anyone is curious, I have my own list of 7 Deadly Sins too!

Ok, I hath no followers I know. But its' my blog and I'm gonna write as I wish!


Thou shalt not be stupid.

Stupidity is the baseline for all emotions of anger, hatred and everything negative.

Thou can be silly, not stupid.

Thou shalt not Gossip

Unless to your boyfriend.
Guys, never gossip to your girlfriends.
They are terrible secret keepers.

Gossip has scientifically proven to ruin EVERYONE'S lives.

So quit it.

Thou shalt not reject a sale/shopping spree.

Retail therapy helps our wretched soul.

You know you want to.

You have to shop.
You MUST shop.

Thou shalt not be late.

Punctuality is important for everyone.

No one loves waiting around right?

So don't be late. It's always better to be early.

Leaves a better impression, and you won't have your face kicked in.

Thou shalt not be cruel to animals.

Breaks your heart doesn't it?

If it doesn't make your break your heart,
you don't have to commit all these cardinal sins to go to Hell.
You have R.S.V.P already.

Thou shalt not sing badly.

If you can't sing, STOP HOGGING THE DAMN MIC.

We might have to charge you for damaging our eardrums.

Thou shalt not be a bad driver.

Nothing arises anger more than a bad driver.

Enough said.

Commit any of MY cardinal sins, while being with me, the person will be destroyed.


Haha, the best part of stupidity.

Sorry babe, I couldn't resist it.

I just had to destroy you.

Still love you tho ;)


How to bag a Richie


disclaimer: these sure-fire ways are not tested on human beings - yet.



Have really big boobies.

Small/normal boobies will not attract a rich man's attention that much.
Sorry babes :(

Tips to enlarge your chest:
1. eat chicken. They have alot of hormones to make your boobies grow big.
2. sleep on your chest. this exerts pressure on your boobies to grow big.
3. massage your boobies. they like being massaged so they'll grow big.
4. get a plastic surgeon to make your boobies big.
5. eat papaya. so your boobies will grow big like it.

Wrong kind of big boobies:

unless you intend to suffocate him to death. NO.

Rule 2.

Make sure your nipples stay perk all the time while they are being pushed up.
This has been proven almost impossible.
Either your big boobies sag without the bra, or the bra covers up your perky nipple erection.
And plus your nipples cant be perky 24/7.

You'd want to catch the rich man's attention all the time by having perky nips.

Hence I introduce this:

Nipple enhancers!

So now you can have perky nips all the time and still have your fabulous boobies being pushed up!

And no one has to know that your nippies aren't real!

Rule 3.

You should have a really amazing ass.
Guys/rich men are all about the nice asses.

If you don't have a nice ass, tough luck.

Go visit your plastic surgeon.
It's about time.

Rule 4.

Be silly.

Rich men like to have silly women by their side.
In other words, they like pretty flower arrangements.
Be silly, make them laugh, it relaxes them.
Intellectual conversations just wear them out, and you don't want that.
We all know they just want to shag you, your big boobies and your really nice ass.

Rule 5.

Get a bunny.

Makes the rich man think you have a softer side of you.

Melts his heart.

Then throw your bunny away, and run into his arms and cry like a baby and tell him it ran away.

He'll feel the sense of protection towards you and hence take over the role of taking care of you.

Voila! You are half way there to bagging the man of your financial dreams.

Rule 6.

If you don't like bunnies, then be a playboy bunny.

That'll for sure catch rich men's attention!

Rule 7.

If you prefer to keep your media chastity intact, then be a model.

With really big boobies, nice ass, amazing hair, toned abs and biteable lips.

Now you're almost there!

Rule 8.

Target older age populations of the rich.

They like younger girls with everything still pointing up.

Remember, the older, the better.

Young rich men with their muscles still intact will only fool around and waste your time.

Rule 9.

Learn to give a really good fellatio
(not using the literal meaning of this word for polite causes)

the picture totally ruined my polite cause.

Face it, all men LOVEEEEEEEEEEE fellatio.

End of story.

Rule 10.

If all else fails, you ladies know what to turn to.

And if this doesn't work, I'm sorry :(

You're destined to marry an average, or even worse, a poor man.



Rule 1.

You got to look hot.

Like this.

If you're not as hot, and you're in the 98% of the real of men in the society,

then thats where the Vodka comes into part (for the women, not you).

Or you can become
Ashton Kutcher (or equivalent)

Rule 2.

Have a sizeable crotch.

Preferrably bigger than this.


Rule 3.

Learn the Kama-Sutra well.

She'll thank you for this.

And most probably consider marrying you.

Rule 4.

Find rich women who are at their age of 30-35.
If they're still single, that would mean they are REALLY LOOKING for someone to settle down with.

That's where you come in.

Rule 5.

Once you've caught the rich woman's attention,
be romantic whenever possible.

ALL women are suckers for romance.

Even if they are career driven, high powered women who look suspiciously like men, or sport a light moustache,

they are still suckers for romance.

Rule 6.

Have stamina.

Have stamina in bed,
for shopping sessions,
for long walks at the beach,
for grocery shopping together,
for running back to the shops just cause she forgot to buy something earlier on.

You'll thank this rule once you suceed in grabbing her attention.

Rule 7.

Be partially deaf.

Women are all the same.

They nag,
and nag,
and nag,
and nag,
and nag.

So if you can put up with the nagging,
you're half way there.

Rule 8.

Constantly remind them that they are beautiful,
amazing in bed,
amazing hearts,
perfect tastes in fashion,
and that you love her cats. (optional)

And that you are not after her money.
You are after her heart.

She is beautifully amazing.

You should do this countless times and should not be tired of saying it.

This will be your mantra.

Rule 9.

Whisper sweet nothings whenever possible.

I know this picture does not coincide with the rule,
but look at how adorable piggy 1 is whispering sweet nothings to piggy 2 while napping together :)

Women are suckers for sweet words and flattery.

Rule 10.

Pillow talk.

We absolutely love pillow talk.

Talking is like, FOREPLAY for women.

If you have tried the above of my rules, and still failed to bag a woman
(guess what? all women are rich, we just don't show them in the bank accounts, but in our shoes and wardrobe),

then you have completely failed as a man,
and shall be required to move into the wilderness and stay put there.

Disclaimer: I hope my silly blog does not offend anyone. Only meant for entertainment purposes. No harm directed at anybody.

To: Kuan, Kevin.
This is for you both.