Male Alter Ego

This is more than frustrating.

Tried to upload the pictures from lunch of my lontong kering,
but alas,
the internet would not allow me to.

Perhaps it is preventing me from intentionally mentally torturing those who haven't had lunch?

sigh.

Oh well.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I didnt know I could change the colour of my fonts!
Betul orang ulu nye. heeee.


Anyways, I defos eat like a man.
Perhaps I'm a man trapped in a woman's body? (albeit slightly plump)
This can't be it. I love heels, and bags.
If I were a man, I'd be a cross-dresser.

Transsexual? Maybe. Gay? Highly likely.

God I'm such a mess!

If I were a man, I'd definitely be called

BOBBY.

Not Robert.

BOBBY.

Sounds slightly gay?

I thought so too.

Scrap that thought.

I think I'll be Gayus Maximus.

THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

Wait wait wait.

I have finally decided.

Limbeh will be.........................................................

(after thinking for about 7 mins)

Kenny.

Yes, plain and simple. Kenny is a good name for me. Lord knows I'm far from plain and simple. If I were a boy, I'd stay out all night drinking till my liver goes on permanent vacation.

Not because I want to.
But because I can.

As a girl, it is shunned upon that we come back late at night wreaking of barcadi and midnight mee goreng. So hence, I am not allowed to stay past 10pm with alcohol. But my brothers were allowed to come back at the wee hours of the morning smelling of what I'd hope is legal.

I'd be allowed to pull out my wedgies and burp and fart legally.

Everyone knows it is illegal and immoral for girls to burp and fart and pull wedgies out of our asscracks.

I, however, am the exception to the general rule.

Looking back at all I've just mentioned, I think I'm perfectly fine having no male alter egos.

I AM ALREADY 80% A MAN.

I

• burp and fart whenever necessary;
• scratch my crotch whenever necessary;
• dig my nose when its itchy;
• pull my wedgies when i THINK (note that its when I think - truth is I don't take the effort to take a good look around) no one is watching;
• can drink 6-7 pints of beer- no problem;
• sneeze with my mouth open;
• drive like a mad man but still drive well;
• have no fashion sense;
• can live on beer;
• love cussing and what not.

There are several other reasons which would make me a man, but I just can't be arsed listing them all down.

But, I finally agreed with myself and Vikram (my imaginary friend), that the reasons I am still a girl, and have not yet grown a weener, is because I

• whine too much for my own good;
• complain about everything under the sun;
• ask too much for directions/instructions/help;
• shop till my credit card screams for help;
• love going for eyebrow threading;
• cleanly tidy my foo foos;
• love heels/bags/makeups/jewlry;
• scream at guys who leave the toilet seat up and not aim properly;
• say no but mean yes :P ;
• say I don't want to, but I'm dying to do it;
• cry over anything at all;
• love my dresses;
• love piggybacks (I surprisingly still get them even though I'm a size 14!)

So Fran, ultimately I have failed your quest about writing about my alterego, because I realise its better being a girl than a boy based on the following reasons:

1. Smile coyly, and we get anything we want.
2. We are able to wear bright colours and not be branded gay.
3. Stare innocently, we also get anything we want.
4. We can love strawberrys, clouds, carebears, hello kittys and not be branded gay.
5. Throw a slight tantrum (but not an excessive bitch one), we will get anything we want.
6. We get to wear heels -and not be branded gay AND a crossdresser.
   
7. When we cry, we get anything we want.
8. We're allowed to cry anytime we want. Males are only allowed to cry when someone passes away - and not be branded gay.
9. If we're wearing a skirt/low cut tops, we get anything we want.
10. We're allowed to love caramel/marshmellows/cream/cheesecake/lollipops without being branded gay.

Hee :)

X