Thursday, October 29, 2009

Poslaju really laju!

If there's something good about Malaysia (sad to say), its their mailing system.

It is fantastic.

Poslaju has done well and delivered the next day from other states!

I'm absolutely shocked, and surprised at the same time!!!!!!!!!!

Omg. Now e-shopping has risen a notch in my heart!

Well done, poslaju!!!!!!!!!! betul laju lahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I laid there, curled into a ball together with the duvet. You sat at the corner, looking lost. I was crying. You were sighing.

You came over, gave me a hug, and carassed me all over. I pushed you away with repulse.

You sighed again, and moved slowly away.

I kept crying.

You put on your clothes, and washed your face and sat back on the bed.

I kept ignoring you.

I could see you moving at the corner of my eye. I peered into the mirror in front of me to spy on you.

You took my eyelash curler and fiddled with it. Then to my horror, you took off your glasses and tried to curl your eyelash.

I let out a little chuckle despite my great boiling anger. Perhaps you didn't hear me laugh. I remained under the duvet like a bug, unmoved.

Slowly, you tried to experiment with the eyelash curler. Finally you decided that it was time your virgin eyelash met its fate.

You put the curler against your lids and crimped it. You winced as you accidently caught your skin between the curler instead of your lash.

This time I chuckled slightly louder because it was great looking at you in pain. I didn't think you'd risk anything doing with your eye because you were even afraid of a finger near it, let alone an eyelash curler.

Maybe you heard me laugh, maybe you didn't. But you continued trying to curl your lashes.

Then suddenly, you poked yourself with it. I wasn't sure if it was by accident, or on purpose.

You covered your eye with your palms and bent forward and started crying out in pain.

I, of course, leaped to you side to make sure you were ok, having disregards to my anger and discontent.

It took me a minute to pry open your hands between your sobs, only to find that you were snickering to know I still cared.

YOU cunning bastard.

Lovely surprise

Today came with a sweet surprise as my best fren, Fran in kl, sent me this lovely package (and not one you find in men's trousers)!

It also came with a little note!

Yes, now you all know my nick name.... its a pretty long name!

Fran sent me so many lovely My beauty diary masks! LOVE yuo lahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

And also the Nyx lipstick from the US!

Thanks lar Fran, love you loads


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

weight loss, rich men, happily ever after?

My mum sat on my bed and finally decided that I should go to a slimming centre to get skinny then I will finally be able to marry a rich guy.

That's a whole load of bollocks I hear. It has violated several of my own principles. I shook my head so furiously i swear I look like a bobble head figurine in your car.

Here is why :

1) Why should I lose weight to find someone rich who'll ONLY want me when I'm slim?

That said, i'm not ridiculously obese. I'm just, chubby (hah, i'm so kind to myself). Ok. So. You know lah, these malaysian rich guys, only want model-isque ladies. Where am I going to fit into their high flyer life when I'm been this tub of lard all my life? Right? And their tendencies of switching girls when they get bored is like how they're used with tissues.

Then mum goes and say I have to maintain and keep him happy.

Wtf right. Why the hell should I suffer and be freaking miserable just to please a man who wants me small? I know there are loads of girls who are naturally small, and I'm just not one of them.

Its just ridiculous to hear yourself say, ya, I wanna get skinny so rich men would want me. Then I will work extra hard, stop eating for d rest of my life and be a porn star in bed. That'll do the trick. Well you can bloody hell fuck off. That's what I told her (in a nicer way). I am materialistic, but I am NOT that materialistic. I just need a decent home, and him being able to feed the family comfortably. I do not care for cut throat brands, nor fancy cars (although that would be a bonus at a later stage in life). Saying that, I'm not those girls who know that they have they goodies, so they have the bargaining power. But beneath all that, its seriously, only looks and physical needs. That's what its all about. After its gone (by will or by force), you better have a plan B. If not, you're seriously fucked.

2) Chances of rich men being dicks are like rats being infested with viruses.

Well, you can't deny this fact. Right? And I know there are good guys, but they are taken, so what you want me to do? Snatch away is it? Please lor, I don't want to grow old knowing the fact that I stole him from someone else who'se prolly died of heartache or planning on my impending death via revenge. Thats just seriously too much work.

3) I already have someone who loves me the way I am.

Yeah, and she doesnt know that, and probably won't know it till I'm older and the time I'm finally gonna get married. BEcause she ruins everything. My mum despises people who are poor, and my boy isn't exactly poor, but is far from her standards. However, he has ticked most of my boxes and hey, you can't be perfect, I'm obviously not. He loved me when I was fatter and now I've lost some weight, the feeling never changed (I hope). So why should I leave this person who never judged me for someone who'll wince at my stretch marks?

The calculation just doesnt add up.

4) I am happy the way I am.

As funny as it sounds, I'm fat, but I like it. I don't know why. It's a weird thing about me loving myself and my mum's theory that I'm lack of determination and no self esteem and bla bla bla.

5) I personally think she's pushing me so hard for her own face.

Yes, she's a status driven woman. She cannot lose face in front of people. Hence I suffer. You get the idea. What she's not got in this life (wealth, status, bmws) she's gonna make sure I get it hook by crook. But what if its not destined to be (you'd guess by now I truly believe in fate and destiny)? oh well.

6) Wasting so much money when you know it doesn't work.

It prolly would work for like some time and it'll all bounce back. I'm sure everyones heard of the horror stories of fats bouncing back. So mums simple theory was stop eating for the rest of my life. I was like. Fuck it. You don't eat and see? Nabeh cibai. Dulan seh. And I'm not shy in telling how cibaidulan I am, together with all the literal words.

And you know I'm never gonna pay for that. She's going to. And when I get fat (which of course I will eventually) shes gonna say I've wasted her money when she could use it to fund her medical bills which WE all (her kids) can't do so evidently, bla bla bla and a whole load of crap.

This is the kind of problems that is fueling my impending depression. The incessant need to horde everyones life and business and to stick her damn finger in it. She is unhappy with the way we are and are constantly trying to change us into the cream of the crop (which I would naturally understand why as a mother). She said I would understand her one day, to which that one day I hopefully would. If not, tough luck mum.

I love you, but you're killing me.

Bob hair


I have finally decided that the limited people who stalk my blog to get to see my bob hair.

I know, its a tad flat now, cant be arsed to back comb/style it for work when no one sees and appreciate it! (prolly perhaps the malay boys and chikopeks working down stairs).

so thats me, makeup-less and cant be arsed with my life.

hahaha. i thought the hair cut was quite nice though, don't you thing, really chopped off many years off me.

now i know why matured ladies have short hair!


Sunday, October 25, 2009

It's been 5 freaking months. I did the hair extensions, and then yesterday, I drastically chopped them all off.

No I wasn't depressed or under any kind of drugs or was high.

I... just needed a change.

So I did a bob hair, and had it coloured dark brown.

No I have no pictures of it.

It doesn't look very nice in pics, but in real life, it looks ok.


I can do a super backcomb hair now though.

Oh well, its a change for once. I havent had short hair in like....... 7 years.

And oh, me and lily contributed to the Malaysian economy shopping!

Bought like 3 dresses from Dorothy Perkins and 6 more from Colours. Yes. I don't know what got over me.

But it was gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

Nothing feels better than retail therapy!

Wedding Blues

After seeing like, 20 of my friends get married this year, I suddenly have the urge to get married. Fuck. I'm definitely screwed. I seriously don't know when I'll be getting married, but I know I want to. I want to experience walking down the aisle (not necessarily at the church, but that would be good), and throwing of flower petals and the the bouquet and then the driving off of the bridal car that says 'just married'. I want that all. Perhaps not the big fancy dinner, because you know, its just a waste of money. Sigh. WHEN AM I GETTING MARRIED?

There's so much to be taken into consideration. Finances, guests and all. I think I need a planner for that. I just want to show up, smile and take pictures. That is all. No drunken people trying to grab the mic and singing their lungs out on stage. None of that low-standard shit please. No 80 tables that I have to walk about entertaining 3/4 of the people I don't know. No selling our asses later to pay for the dinner. No. No. No. I want affordable. I want style (but not too much). I want White. I want Red. I want Gold. Sigh.

Its sad to know that the maternal vibes are not kicking in yet, infact, I think its retracted a little after having to take care of the monstrous half human half devil, Rosabelle. Still love her tho. Hah.

Oh well..........

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Top 10 things that I find in a man

Shit loads of people have asked me what I look for in a future partner. I usually shrug and say I don't know, big dick perhaps. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. but you know that's not going to happen among asian counterparts (I'm just joking lar). Whereas having a well endowed nether regions is a bonus, there are shit loads of other factors that play a huge role in choosing someone you CAN (want is a subjective word. I WANT Gerard Butler. But will he marry me? Yeah, you've guessed the answer) live with.

1) I want someone who'll go to bed together with me.

Not someone who'll only be home after i've slept. Wtf. its no difference from being single or sleeping back at your parents house. I know its hard when you have partners who need to 'entertain clients.' Let me tell you this. Those who're always out at night (like me) knows what goes on with entertaining. Its usually alot of unnecessary waist grabbing, slurred i really like yous, but i'm stuck with a cow at home and just alot of rubbish. If your men REALLY is decent, he wouldn't come home drunk or smelling like he drank the whole factory. Alcohol really ruins a persons life. Especially men and their inability to control their sexual urges.

So. Keep your men at home and away from trouble. But personally, I'd prefer to be with someone who is the homey-sort. Whats the use of a partner if you're with him and you have to go to bed alone!?!?!?!? Right?!?!

2) He has to keep me in my place.

I must admit. I am wild I am fierce and I am impulsive. I need someone who'll keep me in place and steer me away from trouble as my whole life, thats what I've been always getting into. He has to have a clear perspective of what is right and wrong and also be able to overpower me in doing so. He can't be screaming down my neck cos that's when I'll retaliate. Somehow he has to be smoother than an insurance seller to be able to do that!

3) I need someone to love me more than I love him.

Selfish right? But the truth is, some people prefer loving people more and some people prefer being loved. I've loved people more than they loved me and what did I get? JACKSHIT. so. No more. Make the men do the work or they'll take you for granted. He doesn't have to succumb to my every whim and fancy, but deep down I must feel that he really really loves me.

4) My man must truly be a man.

No equality amongst sexes and that whole load of crap. If you want me to split the bill in half with you, you can jolly well go fuck yourself. If you can't afford to pay you shouldn't be having a girl. What do you expect? Free sex and food? No such thing ok!

So he's got to pay for the house, the car (hopefuly my car as well), the kids education, kids insurance, electric and water bills. I will take care of the groceries and toiletries and shitzel. See quite fair. It'll be fairer if he eats as much as we spend! HAHAHAHAHA.

I've seen my fair share of my shirking their responsibilties as a man, husband and a dad, Shit loads of them are showing the traits even before they are married! Geez. It's pretty scary.

5) He must know how to control his temper...

because I can't control mine. So if both of us explode at the same time... it's gonna be a massacre.

6) He's got to at least love my food.

He can't he eating fast food and take aways all his life can he?

7) He's got to be filial to his parents.

That would show the core of the person. If he's treating his parents like shit, likelihood he's gonna treat mine like shit as well. So.............yeah.

8) He musn't have the urge to show and tell.

No matter how much knowledge he has on it. Only speak when you have been spoken to, or asked. Have you noticed how some guys just seem to have the dying need to show the whole world how smart they are? As much as alot of girls love smart men, I love it even more if they keep their trap shut. I hate it when people have to tell people things in order for others to validate their self esteem or to just boost their ego. It's a cheap way of doing it. And likelihoods he's got a really big mouth as well.

Yesterday I was with my mum at a function and she bumped into her old student. He's about 29, ok looking. And my mum was besotted with him. How he's planning to fly to vietnam and indoneisa and make it big. How he's given up living in Melbourne to come back home. Yada yada yada. In the first 5 secs of him opening his mouth my mum had already decided that he was the one for me. HOW CAN THAT POSSIBLY BE. It's so stupid. YOU THINK SO EASY TO MAKE IT BIG JUST LIKE THAT IS IT? fucking hell, my mum was so bought over with words. You can see how stupid women are. What she didn't notice was him hinting that he was looking for rich girls so he didnt have to work so hard. tsk tsk. big warning sign there. But oh well, shut your trap I didnt need to know your life mission. I just came here for the function.

9) He must be a go getter.

Not just sit on the couch...and order me around. I'm not your freaking dog ok. The light bulb's spoilt, go change it. I don't care if its the 21st century. If you have a dick, you're suppose to change the bulb man. If not, get out of the house. Do your man stuff, while I will slog in the kitchen for you.

You want to earn more money? go get it. Don't just sit there and talk and talk and dream and dream and HOPEFULLY by sheer luck it'll just fall on your lap.

10) He's got to be tidy.

If he's tidy, it means his thoughts are tidy as well. And plus, he can tidy up for me. WEEEE!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Fake Hymen

I can't believe China's produced this! Is there anything they CANT do?

* Manufacturer's note on label:

"No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime.
Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight.
When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount.
Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable.
Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction."

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Kei Ao

This is the most romantic Hokkien love song EVER. Like seriously, it makes me tear everytime.

if one day we get old, and there's no one to be there for us, i will accompany you

to sit on the chair and listen to you talk about your youth and how smart you were

eating good or bad food, i don't mind, cursing heavens or earth you also don't know, your hand,

i will hold on tightly, because I am your wife

from young i married you, followed you till i'm so old now

matters of the heart in this world i've seen clearly, who else is more important than you?

my whole life time of sacrifice, only to know that happiness is about bickering (n making lots of noise with each other)

when the time is for us to go, i will let you go first

because, i don't have the heart for you to shed tears when i'm gone

if one day when we're old, our children or frens have deserted us, and you find life boring,

take our old photos, and see when we're young how handsome you were,

wearing good or bad clothes i don't mind, blame this and blame that we also don't know

i will always remember your heart fondly, because i'm your wife

from young i married you, followed you till i'm so old now

matters of the heart in this world i've seen clearly, who else is more important than you?

my whole life time of sacrifice, only to know that happiness is about bickering (n making lots of noise with each other)

when the time is for us to go, you must let me go first

because i don't want to see you cry for me


Century egg porridge recipe.

I know I should have taken a much nicer picture of this. I know you secretly think it looks like puke, BUT ITS SO FREAKING NICE OKKKKKKKK. I was so hungry I tucked in a realised that I needed to take a pic!

So this is my century egg porrideg aka Pei Dan Chuk.

And it is belly naiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Here's d recipe. It's so easy to follow!

1 chicken tigh and drumstuck ; skinned, fat removed

2 century eggs peeled cracked and chopped

2 normal eggs whisked

a handful of rice

a handful of peanuts

1 cube chicken stock

Directions :

  1. wash the peanuts and the chicken.
  2. boil the peanuts first as they are EXTREMELY stubborn motherfuckers as they refuse to get soft.
  3. put like, half the pot with water (or more, water just evaporates when boiled)
  4. keep boiling till the peanuts are soft
  5. Then, when the water is boiling and the peanuts are soft, put in the chicken thigh and drumstick.
  6. put in 1 cube of chicken stock.
  7. dance a little.
  8. cook for like 20mins till the chicken is fully cooked.
  9. take it out, shred the meat.
  10. put back the bones into the water and continue boiling.
  11. wash rice in another bowl.
  12. put the rice in with the soup that is alraedy boiling.
  13. wait for it to cook.
  14. when cooked, beat the eggs and pour evenly into the porridge.
  15. do not stir too quickly. wait for like 30 secs before you start stiring. this will result the eggs in a more solid state. if you quickly beat the eggs and quickly put it in and quickly stir, it'll look like baby food.
  16. have a cold drink.
  17. cut the century egg and keep it aside.
  18. put the shredded meat back into the porridge and stir.
  19. put in the century egg and stir gently. stir it harder and your porridge will turn black like the century egg.
VOILA!!!!!!!!!! Now you have your lovely porridge.

i know my instructions arenot very specific. But in life, you have to balance and mix and match to get the best combination! (always a good excuse for my lack of precision!)


Monday, October 12, 2009


Van Chua, your apple pie really really amazingly nice to eat lor. Somemore got vanila ice cream.

Can die one ok?


Next time make somemore.



Friday, October 9, 2009

Extreme make over

Ok man these just prove that ALL women need make up regardless how they look like.

Men, be aware of ladies who look super cute with make up on.

Who knows you might end up waking up to!

The pics are pretty self explanatory.

Ladies who are super ugly (if you think you're ugly lar), this is a goood lesson on teaching yourself to be pretty!!!!!!

disclaimer : forwarded email hor prease.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Dearest Rosabelle,

Today we'll be celebrating your full moon party. It's not really your party actually, I think the adults will be enjoying it more than you as you'll be asleep most of the time, and locked in the room. Plus you can't eat the good food your granny has cooked, nor taste the alcohol stash we bought.

Anyway, speaking of granny, she totally forgot bout feeding me dinner last night, BECAUSE OF YOU. How dare you steal my rice bowl? You evil evil baby. You pee, poop and puke on me 80% of the time, especially on my bed, you still my attenttion away and YET, you are starting to look like me. Your daddy is especially regretting that he prays that you DO NOT LOOK like me. Fat, short stout, like a teapot. But alas, you're looking more like my kid than his. Perhaps its time he learns never to mock at people's imperfections lest his unborn child gets it. :D

Anyhoo, you do look like me when you're a kid. As much as I'm glad, I sincerely do pray you do not get my feistiness nor my really suspicious heart. You must learn to let go most of all!

Ha ya, wad do you know now, you only know how to cry and eat. and poop and pee and puke.

Ok la, Gugu love you ok? Grow up and hopefully you're not as spoilt as we would expect you to be!



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It's been a really fuzzy busy week. I realised I haven blogged for almost a week when I saw the date on my last post. I have been so tired, with work, gynae problems and everything else. It almost seems easy just to give up, but someone I'm still trudging through each day like I was meant to do it. How can live be this hard? Or am I just too negative that everything seems a billion times harder and worse and it was meant to be? I don't know. Maybe I AM having too good a life and when calamity strikes, I can't take it.

But it was an ok week though, I got to spend most days with the craziest people (aka Balan and Gwee) . These girls I tell you, damn extreme. If I was drinking milk, the milk will literally come out of my nose. They are just as vulgar and wired as I am. Excellent. Now people don't have to stare at me in disbelief. Though Najib did say that Balan was the spawn of Satan and that I am not to be with her anymore! (Gwee, you're safe.)

Anyway. Without Najib, things would have been harder to get by. He's always there to..screw me up whenever I tell him something. I know its really saddening instead of getting comfort, I get verbally abused and a whole hour of lecture on how I should have handled the bloody situation. Oh well. He usually shuts up when I ask him to. I should be buying Champlix for him some time soon. He has to really stop smoking man. Like, srsly. Bad shit. Even worse for me.

Argh, malay tuition tonight. The most dreaded day of the week. I don't understand why I'm doing this when I truly am suffering every bit of it. Family Honour my arse man. My big fat yellow arse. LANJIAO! Sibeh dulan lor. Never mind. After next month. I'm fine.

Tomorrow will be our little baby Rosabelle's full moon. She is that big already but she looks even older for her age! She can smile now and sneeze repeatedly like a hamster. I have thereby named her, guailankia, meh-oh, ernie, "throw-you-away" in hokkien. Yes, kinda abusive. I love munchng on her limbs as well. And poke her. and shake her tummy to give her a mini earthquake. It is all very fun to see her dazzled and lost. Hee. I know now I am certified never to have kids. Balan brought out her son, Roshen and he was the naughtiest little kid I've ever seen. That made me contemplate to bring masking tape whenever I'm out with kids and TAPE their damn mouth when they start crying. Then use a marker and draw a smile.

Some call it abuse, but I call it discipline and capital punishment. That way, they know never to cry like a little motherfucker whenever I'm not gonna buy them the damn PSP box. I will always support capital punishment for kids. You should always beat the shit out of them. That way, they wont grow up to be out of control. Be cruel to be kind to them. You won't want them ending up in homes right?

I really got to get cracking on the several affidavits and writs waiting to be drafted. Oh fuck.