Friday, February 27, 2009

trans-cat-stite



Hahaha, this is freaking hilarious.

The best part of it is,
the cat really looks like a lady.

AAhahahAHAhahAHahaha.

:)

Countdown.

And for the record, I slept from 6pm to 8am this morning, in time for work!

I think I might have caught something. I was so tired after lunch (usually known as nacrolepsy) but then it carried on till 5 and I rushed home to sleep! Maybe its the pill that I've been taking........?

Anyhoo, I really cannot wait for Melbourne. It is my long awaited trip for almost a year of not travelling abroad, ANYWHERE. Will be going with my long-standing neighbour, Grace for a week? Yeah, should be it. We will be bunking in with my old school mate, Joel, and he'll be responsible for bringing us everywhere. Being the poor bum I am, I doubt I can afford shopping this time cos most of my savings went directly to paying for the air TIX! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The horror. Might have to do some gypsy dance on the sidewalk to earn extra cash!!!! :D

So yeah, back at work. I have literally 14 days more from THIS DAY.

COUNTDOWN starts today.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I can't wait to end it. I really can't. I hate working. I don't know how I'll survive in the real working world.

I'm going to die arnt I?

:(

14 days to freedom and 17 days to Melbourne!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SUCKS!

Dear Internet Connection,

It must be your period thats approaching, or someone slept with your router, but, you've been acting up like a proper bitch recently.

I have tons of complain emails from my fans that I have not been updating recently. And because of that, I have to apologise on YOUR BEHALF, to my well appreciated fans, that it is ALL YOUR FAULT, and none of mine.

Because of you, I have delayed happiness due to the inability to check my favourite websites without refreshing ___times.

So, please cure yourself, then I don't have to deprive the world of my lovely stories.

Yours truly,
Joanna

Friday, February 20, 2009

Melbourne!

so, I must truly apologise for my absence these few days. I have been bogged down with so much banking and conveyancing work, internet at work is slower than a pack of turtles stampeding through peanut butter, my laptop is older than your dustmite, and several other plausible excuses.

This week I've also served legal aid, which is suppose to end next wed.

I was just informed by the boss that my training ends on the 14th of March.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No more work for some time! Which would mean I have to be penniless for some time too.

So on the 17th March I will be embarking my really exciting trip to Melbourne with Grace, my neighbour, for around a week! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shopping, sight seeing, eating, catching up with old friends. etc etc.

Can't wait. I need this break. I need a break.

Problem is, I have settled the ticket, but not my expenses there.

So, someone, please donate some money? Please? I'm sooooooo poooooooooooooooooooor.

kthxbai.

Monday, February 16, 2009

well-wishing and such

Dear people-who-are-too-free-to-read-this-useless-blog,

Sorry for the lack of updates.

My life has been so tiring and boring that it has totally taken over my fingers and brain.

Kindly forgive me for not updating your life with my miseries.

Please donate money for my melbourne trip. Anyone free to volunteer themselves as a guide?

Hmmm.

Yours always,
Jo.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Friday 13th

ok, so today's friday the 13th. Boohoo. Black friday. Yeah whatever.

Doesn't stop me from gleeing because I will be entertaining clients to dinner and drinks tonight!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

But I'm kinda tired at work. pfffffffffft.

Tomorrow will be Valentine's Day and I'll be sitting at home alone. Well I'd have to go to work and also attend an auction, but thats a different matter.

My God. So envious of people who's going to celebrate it on such a COMMERCIALISED day. Everything will be expensive, every where will be packed, everything will be paid by the guy!

HAYARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Not that I'm lamenting.

Never mind, it's just another day. Valentines is OVERRATED.

I have stated my case.

X

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

ah yo, so tired.

83oam to 530pm spent at a lecture preparing for tomorrow's ethic exam.

Haiyo. so tired.

Gonna conk out now.

zzz.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Metrojaya sales

Being the raging shopaholic in me, I bought 4 comforters set at one go during the Metrojaya warehouse sale last weekend.

And by 'I bought' I meant mum. I was the bell-girl. I had to lug the 4 heavy bags of comforters to everywhere she went.

But it was worth it.

The first one is mum's.



This is mine,



So is this.



The 4th one was taken away by my brother because mum bought it for him.

WOOOOOOOOO I get 2 new beddings and all!

It's so pretty. The sale technically slashed the price to 20%. It's amazing.

I love sales :)

Bad Valentine Presents

Ok, so, Vday is like, 4 days away now. Has everyone gotten ready their presents for their girlfriends?

Yes? Excellent, the world needs more men like yo.

No? I should expect so too. Men are CLUELESS as when it comes to getting a present for their ladies.

All I can say is, that you can get whatever you want, but there are certain things that you have to pay attention NEVER to get for them!

a) Ring - size too small.

Whats worse than getting a horrible looking ring is a ring that is too small.

Not only does it makes us feel fat (as our fingers arent skinny enough to fit through your misjudged sized ring), it makes us feel unloved and almost reassuredly we'll whelm up with tears that you may mistakenly regard as tears of joy when we frantically try to squeeze in your precious ring, when we're actually cringing with guilt inside for not being able to fit in.

If the ring is lose it can be solved by placing it on other fingers.

Small rings are a big nono.

So guys, if you have to get a ring, please sneak out your lady's ring for a sample to get a lovely pretty one!



There are so many kinds of rings. Remember to pick the less tacky ones and the one that your lady would much prefer!!!!

And if you're going to propose with that ring, and its a size too small, really, what are the chances of her saying yes?

b) Lingerie - a size too small.

Again, lingerie is a sweet and sexy approach to telling your lady that she's a sexy minx.

But if you're really unsure of her size, DONT GET IT.
Nothing says 'fat cat' more than a tight lingerie which emphasizes largely on the unwanted fats on the body. Or her love handles being squeezed out of her 2-sizes-too-small thongs.



Count yourself lucky if she still lets you stay over for the night if you do that.

c) Cheap chocolates.

You're just showing that you're a cheap skate bastard who wont fork out more cash for a pretty Ferrero Rocher.



So what if its chocolates? On this special day, we expect the best!!!!

d) Weight loss tactics.

Yes we may grumble all the time about how fat we are. But this is NOT THE EXCUSE for you to get us book. Infact, NEVER GET THIS BOOK. No matter how helpful or thoughtful you were trying to be, this would always be a topic for arguements in the future, that you didn't like us the way we were.

You know for a real fact, that if you were with us, you'd never complain bout us.

Don't be helpful. Help yourself.

Don't say yes when we ask you if we're fat. Don't even try to help us lose weight when we ask you too.

Your best answer is that we're beautiful no matter what.

Repeat after me, "Darling, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Your ass is AMAZING."


Remember. If you still treasure this relationship, you'll never, NEVER buy this kind of books for your lady's recreational self improvement - no matter how helpful and practical you try to be.

e) Food Vouchers.

Yes, most of us loves a good bargain. Especially when its' on food and when we can stinge on it and save money for another pair of shoes.

This is not an excuse to give us a food voucher you got for free or printed it off the internet. We'll literally break up with you, you cheap skate assh*le.

f) SEX.

Ok, so you think you're a sex god? That its excusable for you NOT to get a present on Vday and just bang her brains out?

Think again.

No matter how good you are in bed, we rather forgo that 30 (give and take) minutes of hot passionate love making in exchange for a lovely bag or a pair of shoes.



So forget about it.

Sex as a weapon used by a man will NEVER WORK.

**********

Friday, February 6, 2009

Cluttered mind

I was just looking at my desk, and realised I don't even know what colour it was since the beginning. It has been swamped with documents, papers, drafts, stationary, paper clips, files, and everything else you can find on a desk top.

It is so messy, it is unbelievable. Well I lied. IT IS BELIEVABLE, cos I AM JOANNA afterall. Joanna is messier than . Geez. I have no words to describe myself. Joanna is the epitome of messiness. I am Queen of clutter and mess. BLA BLA BLA. You're right. I don't like seeing neat places. It just bugs me. I like to see my existence around (irony). I like to see myself being so busy that there are things all over the place.

They say a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. You know what? They are SPOT ON right. My mind is buzzing with things every millisecond its not funny. My brain doesn't stop. Sometimes at night I can't get to sleep because my mind goes on OT and becomes tired every morning when I wake up. After I've started working, my mind just couldn't shut off, resulting me having dreams when I sleep and end up really tired the morning after. It's terrible.

Most people would think that my brain is this :



Yes, the one of Homer's. My close friends would definitely scream and jump with enthusiastic agreement that my brain is no bigger than a baby spud [potato]. Sometimes I just space out when I'm talking to people. I give the silliest answers and the stupidest suggestions. Real story.

In real fact, this is my brain :



You will notice that my common sense isn't in any part of my brain. This is in real fact, true. I HAVE NO COMMON SENSE. So, if you're wise enough, do not depend on me for that. You can depend on me to make me increase your suspicion on your bf/gf and their cheating habits (because they ARE cheating on you), or if a particular some one is saying bad things about you, because, they totally are. Look how inter-related suspicion and paranoia come together.I have a highly sensitive paranoia gland, and I WILL suspect something out of nothing. Trust me. I have a degree in that. Notice that my driving a manual car gland is miniscule It is again, true. I can't drive a manual car to save my life. Lord knows how I made it through the exam? I have a renowned attention span of a gnat. So if you're going on and on about your sucky life, or how small your bf's dick is, remember that I am not listening after 2 minutes.

So, if a cluttered desk represents a cluttered mind, what of is it, of an empty desk?

:D



Love of the day



In which case, I luff you too :)

*kisses*

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Work reality

So le Boss told me to go into his room to ask when my chambering ends.

And then he continued to tell me about my weaknesses and what he has observed about me throughout these 9 months.

a) Not to be too dependant and over-relying on people

I agree on this point as I, too, realised that I have been overly dependant on people's help for me to get by in life. If anyone knows me well, they will know the fact that I detest being this handicapped. It's like I'm a cripple. Everything I do, someone else has to have a leg in it and help me. Even the most basic form of independance, such as getting to a place without the need of some one chauffering you there is a problem for me. It's not that I don't drive. I do. But SOMEONE had to sell MY CAR and not get another one IMMEDIATELY. Fuck, its been months since I last drove. And I miss my 4x4 so badly. I hate having to open my mouth and ask for someone to give me a lift someone. Then I would have to depend on the person's mood and schedule. It's all fucked up. I can't wait to get a proper job, get a car. From there can I grow. Fucking hell. I hate depending on people. I really fucking do.

I think its because I'm the youngest in the family. So there is a NEED to do everything for me. Because I'm the youngest and the most helpless, everything is done for me beforehand. This is a blessing and also a curse. A blessing because I am QUEEN OF THE HOUSEHOLD and everything REVOLVES around my work schedule. Another is, I have no basic freedom to go out as and when I like, because, hey, I'm already FUCKING 23. Give me a break! I can't stay at home all the time. My genes are slowly evolving into spuds. I hate it when everyone says you're the youngest, you can't do it, you don't know how to do it, you're to young to know this, bla bla bla bla. I outrightly blame the family for my crippled dependance.

b) Don't be too trusting

This I have to agree too. I only blame myself for this. I have been hurt countless times by people on the outside, and also my own family. YET, I have never learnt from this lesson. Yes I learnt it the moment I was inflicted with hurt, but magically, over time, I seem to forget about it and bounce back up and start treating everyone the same again. He told me, sometimes people are not what they seem. They devil may look like an angel, and the angel may look like the devil. He is totally right. In the work society, there are people who are out to get you. Out to see you fail. Don't expose your own personal things to others. They will use it against you. You will become transparent, vulnerable.

He is totally right. Maybe I AM too naive in believing those who are kind and close to me are really genuine in their approach. Perhaps there are some good souls out there. But the rest of the people just want to ruin you. Don't trust people too easily, because the trust can be broken just as easily.

c) Dog eat Dog world

The society is a cruel place. Everyone WILL step on each other to climb up the corporate level. So the angel that you think is, might be backstabbing you like hell when you're not looking to get into the boss's good pockets to get a promotion.

This is a cold hard fact of life. No one will want someone to do better than them. They will have to attack first.

d) Choose your words wisely

Because it may be your last. Wolves will jump on every wrong word you have muttered and use it against you. They will happily misinterpret it and enthusiastically get the wrong idea and then use it against you. This will be your death. Who you say it to, is also another matter which I should take note of.

So being the semi-loose cannon that I am, I might have said some things that shouldn't be said, and I can only blame myself for it. I created my own grave. It's okay. Because I've learnt from this grave lesson.

e) Protect yourself, do not harm/hurt others

By far this is his only golden words that I might remember for life. I do believe in Karma or Judgement day and I do not believe in sabotaging other people for me to get ahead in life. But I must always remember not to say the wrong things at the wrong time. Or literally, the wrong things (which I have a knack of).

****

The moral of the story here is that I need to drastically stop talking to people in order to protect myself. Because we don't know who we should trust out there. Sometimes, you can't even trust your own family, because, speaking from first hand experience, you can't trust ANYBODY. Be reserved. Keep your thoughts to yourself. Remember, you can only protect yourself. No one else can.

Thank you boss.


Wrong side of the bed



Yep yep, this PMS is going on FOREVER.

I wake up stretching out my claws to scatch people.

I am the grumpiest person alive.

Don't piss me off. I will not be nice.

You are warned.



Grr.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Every morning...

Everyday, without fail, when I get online at work, I'd check these websites before I start working my ass off.

  • Gmail
  • nontoxicrayons
  • farkbook
  • myspace
  • icanhascheezburger
  • gofugyourself
Only then can my life and day start in peace.

That is all.

Valentine's Gloom

Did you know, throughout my whole entire time of growing up from adolescent to teenage pre-pubes to pre-adult stage, I have never once celebrated V day before? (yes its sad and tragic I know)

Every V-day at school I would always sit and wait patiently for someone to leave a card at my desk, or a little note, or something, you know? Something to validate my self esteem that someone still wanted me. That I was still OK to be gf material. Oh well, like a very predictable movie, I received, NOTHING. Nothing. Not a card, not flowers. Nothing.

I was like the outcast of the school for being a fat tart. Even other fat tarts get cards! I don't understand how I am that unloved?

When I was 16 I finally had a V-day card from my first boyfriend. Who unfortunately turned out to be King Dickhead who broke my heart. I lost shit loads of weight for him but then it turns out that I was only a bet between his friends that he could get me. From there I swore off losing weight to attract guys, because I was really slim then, but that went to hell along with my self esteem.

So every year, in need for self- esteem- reassurance, I never fail to get someone to fall in love with me. I never fail to be with someone every year. I had to prove to the world that regardless my size, I will still be loved and will be happy and fortunate. I of course loved/liked my boyfriends very much to be with them in the first place. I literally changed bfs almost every half year. That was until I went to England. I met someone there (well DUH obviously). I finally spent V-day. It was nice. V-day is overrated though. Too overrated and commercialised. Inevitably (and very predictably), we broke up (if not I wouldn't be writing this depressing blog).

This year, I am lucky enough to be celebrating it again (I hope). I swore off love for some time and never expected that it hits you right when you least expect it.

Still, every fibre in me is still worried about being ditched or being treated as a bet or maybe he has another lady stashed up somewhere in his ass. This is why I don't trust guys. This is why I argue in every relationship about trust and end up breaking up. This is why my paranoia eats me up and gets the better of me. This is why I'm still so distrusting. This is why Joanna is known as a player all these years. So if you're (whoever you are) reading this, I plead that you understand where I am coming from, and perhaps have a shred of empatheticness and give me a hug.

To be honest, its never really about your size that attracts a guy. I am an XL or a Size 14, and yet I still attract lovely wonderful guys who loves me to bits. I never saw what the point was in losing weight to attract guys who will only love you for being slim. If you put on weight, the chance is that he'll leave you and go on a search for greener pastures. It's all about how you treat the guy, how you sell yourself. Not all fingers are the same. Not all men like to be treated like Kings. Not all women are sluts. You get the idea. No? Its all about psychoing the person that there is no one else better for them than you!

So those who are overweight and glum this V-day without having a partner (or just not having a partner and is doubting your self worth because of this), don't worry about that. Because I am living proof that love/attraction still exists even though you are not the conventional looks that society goes for. There ARE people out there who gets their extra kicks from your lovehandles or your funkily shaped eye or your skinny ribs. There ARE. Trust me. THIS I wouldn't lie. My weight, perhaps. hee :)

So this year, I hope everyone has a lovely Valentines. But you don't really need this day to celebrate it with your loved one. If you really love that person, everyday should be V-day!

Now be happy, go love your sweetheart. Tell him/her how much she really means, because you won't know what might happen tomorrow....................I swear I'm not scaring you but you pretty much know the gist of it.

I hope everyone knows the feeling of being lucky in love. You know, when you feel all jittery and fluttery and SO GLAD someone is by your side. Because everyone knows its always better to have someone than be alone. Becuase everyone knows he/she will always be there to give you a hug or a kiss or a slap on the bum to make you giggle.

Those who are single, DO NOT GIVE UP. The chances of you getting hitched is directly proportional to how you perceive yourself. If you think you're ugly, you probably are, and the world would think it too, vice versa. "Love" would tend to find you when you're not looking, this is a true fact as well!!!!!!

Love you all!

X

Scare of the day



The only thing that made me laugh today.

It's been a terrible day.



Thank God you are safe, le manodmom.

Chan rak ter.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

blahhhhhhhhh.

My pms-depression isn't gone.

I thought it was gone totally yesterday when le manodmom made me laugh.

Then it came back again this morning when both my parents attacked me (again) like a pack of hungry lions starved for 3 months on a deserted desert.

I am totally in reclusive mode.

Up yours, prozac.

5

Ah, 5 rubbish things about me. Pffft.

5 Things under $5 I can’t Live Without

  1. Toilet paper
  2. Elephant glue
  3. Menstrual Pads
  4. Bobby pins
  5. Floss
(Wow, that one was kind of hard. It's hard to find stuff under $5 anymore.)

5 Favorite Movies

  1. 50 first dates
  2. Sex and the City
  3. Pirates of the Caribbean
  4. The Notebook
  5. The Art of the Devil

5 Baby Names I Love

  1. Rachel
  2. Justin
  3. Mary-Ann
  4. Jayden
  5. Bobby
(Good thing I'm not having kids, huh?)

5 Songs I Love

  1. Realize - Colbie Caillat
  2. Better Together - Jack Johnson
  3. Stop and Stare - One Republic
  4. I Can't Make you Love me - Bonnie Raitt
  5. So What - P!nk

5 Life Changing Moments

  1. When le manodmom cried when I was sick and didn't move for days.
  2. When my family proves to be unreliable.
  3. When I start earning my own money.
  4. When I realised forever was only a word.
  5. When I first knew my Godmother, Gloria.

5 Current Obsessions

  1. Blogging
  2. Mandarin Oranges
  3. Chunky Rings
  4. Procrastination
  5. Being depressed

5 Places I want to go

  1. Never-never land
  2. Ramsbottom to visit le grand parents
  3. Newcastle to visit le godmom
  4. States
  5. New Zealand!

5 Appliances or Kitchen Tools I Couldn’t Live Without

  1. Can opener
  2. Fork
  3. Spoon
  4. Stove
  5. Gas

Monday, February 2, 2009

I hate the world.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I <3 you

This is something for le manodmom, Fran, NC, GSY, Wk, all my other silent readers :



I really do.

:)

Oh hai! I be Ros........zzzzzz...............

For the love of my dog, who is as daft as a pencil (for those who don't understand UK-slang, it means dumber than a piece of paper, or stupider than your left foot), cuter than Hello Kitty, slimey-ier than that green gooey thing from Ghost busters, greedier than a pig, and more attention seeking than I am.

I love you, my stupid, stupid dog.



You who has an extra long tongue and cant seem to keep it in your mouth at all.

You who sleeps 22 hours a day.



I love you!!!

:)

Fran-ta Clause

Because I had to work on Friday and Saturday while everyone else was still partying their ass off to CNY,

Francessca decided to compensate me with goodies so I could feel less bitter as she left me in KL for KK while I was up visiting for once in a GREEN MOON.

Ok, here goes :)



She got me a make-up base because I'm too lazy to go out and get one for myself.



She also got me MAC pigments cos She knows I'm a MAC fan and prolly too stingy to splurge on make up.



She got me falsies cos she desparately thinks my eyelashes are failing me :P



She also got me a double tiered eyeshadow pallete. You'll never guess the name of it.



No really, you cant guess the name of it!



So who would ever think eyeshadows can be manly ? Are they specially made for cross-dressers and trannies? Will you be more of a man after you put it on? Pffffffffffft.



My very manly eyeshadow. Which is so colourful and pretty :)

Thank you franny.

LOVE YOU LOADS!

I know there is still a cardi and a top-dress you gave me, but my arms are too short to reach out to grab them and take a pic of it. Btw, everyone loves the cardi. Haven worn the top yet.

LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU

x x x x x x x

SHOPPPPPPING!

It feels damn nice to go shopping. Especially when you have enough angpao moneys to cover it.

Ah, retail therapy. Food for my soul.

I bought 4 watches today. Woooooooo.









Oh, they are SOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty. Really gives the old vintage rustic feel. Leather straps all round :) YUMMMMMMMMMY.

I do have a thing for watches now. It's burnt an extremely big hole in my pocket. It's unforgivable. BUT WHO CARES??? :)


Ah, the joys of shopping. I wish I can do it everyday :)

X X X X X X X X X X X X