Did you know, throughout my whole entire time of growing up from adolescent to teenage pre-pubes to pre-adult stage, I have never once celebrated V day before? (yes its sad and tragic I know)
Every V-day at school I would always sit and wait patiently for someone to leave a card at my desk, or a little note, or something, you know? Something to validate my self esteem that someone still wanted me. That I was still OK to be gf material. Oh well, like a very predictable movie, I received, NOTHING. Nothing. Not a card, not flowers. Nothing.
I was like the outcast of the school for being a fat tart. Even other fat tarts get cards! I don't understand how I am that unloved?
When I was 16 I finally had a V-day card from my first boyfriend. Who unfortunately turned out to be King Dickhead who broke my heart. I lost shit loads of weight for him but then it turns out that I was only a bet between his friends that he could get me. From there I swore off losing weight to attract guys, because I was really slim then, but that went to hell along with my self esteem.
So every year, in need for self- esteem- reassurance, I never fail to get someone to fall in love with me. I never fail to be with someone every year. I had to prove to the world that regardless my size, I will still be loved and will be happy and fortunate. I of course loved/liked my boyfriends very much to be with them in the first place. I literally changed bfs almost every half year. That was until I went to England. I met someone there (well DUH obviously). I finally spent V-day. It was nice. V-day is overrated though. Too overrated and commercialised. Inevitably (and very predictably), we broke up (if not I wouldn't be writing this depressing blog).
This year, I am lucky enough to be celebrating it again (I hope). I swore off love for some time and never expected that it hits you right when you least expect it.
Still, every fibre in me is still worried about being ditched or being treated as a bet or maybe he has another lady stashed up somewhere in his ass. This is why I don't trust guys. This is why I argue in every relationship about trust and end up breaking up. This is why my paranoia eats me up and gets the better of me. This is why I'm still so distrusting. This is why Joanna is known as a player all these years. So if you're (whoever you are) reading this, I plead that you understand where I am coming from, and perhaps have a shred of empatheticness and give me a hug.
To be honest, its never really about your size that attracts a guy. I am an XL or a Size 14, and yet I still attract lovely wonderful guys who loves me to bits. I never saw what the point was in losing weight to attract guys who will only love you for being slim. If you put on weight, the chance is that he'll leave you and go on a search for greener pastures. It's all about how you treat the guy, how you sell yourself. Not all fingers are the same. Not all men like to be treated like Kings. Not all women are sluts. You get the idea. No? Its all about psychoing the person that there is no one else better for them than you!
So those who are overweight and glum this V-day without having a partner (or just not having a partner and is doubting your self worth because of this), don't worry about that. Because I am living proof that love/attraction still exists even though you are not the conventional looks that society goes for. There ARE people out there who gets their extra kicks from your lovehandles or your funkily shaped eye or your skinny ribs. There ARE. Trust me. THIS I wouldn't lie. My weight, perhaps. hee :)
So this year, I hope everyone has a lovely Valentines. But you don't really need this day to celebrate it with your loved one. If you really love that person, everyday should be V-day!
Now be happy, go love your sweetheart. Tell him/her how much she really means, because you won't know what might happen tomorrow....................I swear I'm not scaring you but you pretty much know the gist of it.
I hope everyone knows the feeling of being lucky in love. You know, when you feel all jittery and fluttery and SO GLAD someone is by your side. Because everyone knows its always better to have someone than be alone. Becuase everyone knows he/she will always be there to give you a hug or a kiss or a slap on the bum to make you giggle.
Those who are single, DO NOT GIVE UP. The chances of you getting hitched is directly proportional to how you perceive yourself. If you think you're ugly, you probably are, and the world would think it too, vice versa. "Love" would tend to find you when you're not looking, this is a true fact as well!!!!!!
Love you all!
X
Every V-day at school I would always sit and wait patiently for someone to leave a card at my desk, or a little note, or something, you know? Something to validate my self esteem that someone still wanted me. That I was still OK to be gf material. Oh well, like a very predictable movie, I received, NOTHING. Nothing. Not a card, not flowers. Nothing.
I was like the outcast of the school for being a fat tart. Even other fat tarts get cards! I don't understand how I am that unloved?
When I was 16 I finally had a V-day card from my first boyfriend. Who unfortunately turned out to be King Dickhead who broke my heart. I lost shit loads of weight for him but then it turns out that I was only a bet between his friends that he could get me. From there I swore off losing weight to attract guys, because I was really slim then, but that went to hell along with my self esteem.
So every year, in need for self- esteem- reassurance, I never fail to get someone to fall in love with me. I never fail to be with someone every year. I had to prove to the world that regardless my size, I will still be loved and will be happy and fortunate. I of course loved/liked my boyfriends very much to be with them in the first place. I literally changed bfs almost every half year. That was until I went to England. I met someone there (well DUH obviously). I finally spent V-day. It was nice. V-day is overrated though. Too overrated and commercialised. Inevitably (and very predictably), we broke up (if not I wouldn't be writing this depressing blog).
This year, I am lucky enough to be celebrating it again (I hope). I swore off love for some time and never expected that it hits you right when you least expect it.
Still, every fibre in me is still worried about being ditched or being treated as a bet or maybe he has another lady stashed up somewhere in his ass. This is why I don't trust guys. This is why I argue in every relationship about trust and end up breaking up. This is why my paranoia eats me up and gets the better of me. This is why I'm still so distrusting. This is why Joanna is known as a player all these years. So if you're (whoever you are) reading this, I plead that you understand where I am coming from, and perhaps have a shred of empatheticness and give me a hug.
To be honest, its never really about your size that attracts a guy. I am an XL or a Size 14, and yet I still attract lovely wonderful guys who loves me to bits. I never saw what the point was in losing weight to attract guys who will only love you for being slim. If you put on weight, the chance is that he'll leave you and go on a search for greener pastures. It's all about how you treat the guy, how you sell yourself. Not all fingers are the same. Not all men like to be treated like Kings. Not all women are sluts. You get the idea. No? Its all about psychoing the person that there is no one else better for them than you!
So those who are overweight and glum this V-day without having a partner (or just not having a partner and is doubting your self worth because of this), don't worry about that. Because I am living proof that love/attraction still exists even though you are not the conventional looks that society goes for. There ARE people out there who gets their extra kicks from your lovehandles or your funkily shaped eye or your skinny ribs. There ARE. Trust me. THIS I wouldn't lie. My weight, perhaps. hee :)
So this year, I hope everyone has a lovely Valentines. But you don't really need this day to celebrate it with your loved one. If you really love that person, everyday should be V-day!
Now be happy, go love your sweetheart. Tell him/her how much she really means, because you won't know what might happen tomorrow....................I swear I'm not scaring you but you pretty much know the gist of it.
I hope everyone knows the feeling of being lucky in love. You know, when you feel all jittery and fluttery and SO GLAD someone is by your side. Because everyone knows its always better to have someone than be alone. Becuase everyone knows he/she will always be there to give you a hug or a kiss or a slap on the bum to make you giggle.
Those who are single, DO NOT GIVE UP. The chances of you getting hitched is directly proportional to how you perceive yourself. If you think you're ugly, you probably are, and the world would think it too, vice versa. "Love" would tend to find you when you're not looking, this is a true fact as well!!!!!!
Love you all!
X
3 comments:
well i've never really celebrated v-day too and am kinda adverse to it and now just making it a point NOT to celebrate . just way commercialized....
but i would celebrate everyday of my life with my loved one so V-day can so suck a thumb *boohoo* :P
coz everyday is more special than feb 14 lol
K.
you're so right!
everyday is Vdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
:)
xx x x x x
I never celebrated Valentine's day. :(
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