Beautiful imperfections...

So sad.

I still hate snoring though wtf.

This is what my dogs are doing in the middle of the night and every other time of the day!

Sigh, what pains in the arse they are!!!!!!!!

Although there was some worshipping thing in front of an abandoned house at the backlane.

*shudders*

My love for my dust bunny.

My love,

there are many things that I wish I hadn't said or done. There are also several other things that I wished I had done or said. I feel deep remourse and guilt each time I look at you and realise that I haven't really completely played my role as your counterpart all these while.

You have stood by me steadfastly (sounds like some damn national anthem, or my old school pledge), and never failed to give me useless reasonings to make me see through it all - however you know I'd never listen to anyone except me.

The other day, one of our friends gave me a little quiz, and it concluded that the horse standing outside the window staring in seems to be the perfect description. My mate will always be staring in. As much as it is true, it is not only limited to you. Even my closest blood relations (eg family) are always staring in. I find it too uncomfortable to share my deepest and darkest fears, or anyhow, my thoughts or anything to anyone, because no one will understand me. They will either give me hell for my thoughts, or condemn me. I have to solve this shit man. No one can help me. There is no one that my inner conscience will listen to, and this all leads to some self destruction spiral. It is not that I am neglecting you or moving away from you. You are the closest that I've been to, you know more things about me than my family.

Sometimes I regret not being romantically inclined to you, or show you how a deadbeat romantic I am. I fear that if I gave out too much of my heart, I'd be hurt again, like the last time I gave my heart away. It was torn to shreds and thank goodness you came along and slowly patched it back. Yet there will always be this little distance that I will keep. My heart cannot take another blow. I blame that cibaifucker for breaking my heart, and I know I should not punish you for his actions, but, still, I am scared.

I live in fear everyday that if someone saw my true colours, they'll never love me. The ugly truth is that I can't even love myself, for I don't see anything good in me to love. I am neither sexy nor selfless. I can't even make a home properly. I can't seem to stop berating myself. I am Senorita Negativo. There are several things that I could list for you to reconsider your other options. Yet I am glad that you're here (probably because I have the nicest titties around HAHAHAHAHAHA).

You'll probably never read this emo post, but my other kpoh friends and relatives will read it and start questioning me about it. Read the next sentence and all be revealed that I have gone sparkly mad.

I love you, my little fluffy dust bunny sitting quietly at the corner of my dirty room.

Muahs.

Well, that's reassuring then!!!!

Champagne grapes

These are the most amazing grapes i've tasted.

Champagne grapes - yep, they're used to make champagne.

SO AMAZING MAN.....

And tiny somemore

and seedless! (so i don't have to spit them out like M16!)

heeeeee :)

Hello Kitty China Phone.

You know, 10 years ago, I was super obsessed over Hello Kitty.

Everything was Hello Kitty this and Hello Kitty that. Even my damn passwords were hellokitty.

So after that I sorta grew up and grew out of that phase.

BUT FREAKING HELL,

I think I'm in the pink phase now. Everything I buy is in pink

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?

And I totally fell in love with this today :

WTF MAN........................... HELLO KITTY PHONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must have them.

I think my paycheck should be out soon.

There goes all my money.

And I just got back from HK!

I don't care how frigging stupid it is to spend it on a HELLOKITTY PHONE OK!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!




I do know several people who are already trying to talk me outta getting it. HEeeee.

Canto Manto

I never knew I could speak in Cantonese until I was in HK and was in the dire need to order food, travel in taxi and BARGAIN FOR LOTSA SHIT.

Man, my cantonese blood is finally kicking in!

I still speak like a tool tho! ;p

Thai Life Insurance Commercials

Stupid thai life insurance, made me cry so badly.

DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

My imaginary wedding (gowns & bouquets)

ok, I know I'm so gay, and lame and super scary, today I just had the feeling that I wanted to pick out my wedding dresses, because you know, its fun, and we girls have been doing it since we were kids (don lie arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!).

Its not as if I have someone who's gonna pop that bloody question anytime soon, so might as well imagine and pretend that I WILL be getting married soon ok. Just for this 5 minutes. Just bear with me okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Gowns:

ok lah, I'm a plus size, so no point imagining or pretneding that I'll definitely slim down by then. The chances of me marrying a man requesting me to slim down just cause he likes it is even lower than how low I can go on the limbo stick. So there, no point looking at those dresses that OBVIOUSLY do not fit a fat girl.

There, admit your flaws, and approach all the other possibilities!

Wahhh, this one damn cantik (beautiful). There's lace sleeves to cover up our fat arms and there is a pin up at the waist so it creates a silhouette illusion that you're curvier (when we actually know your body is out of shape in a million other ways that can be described).

Wedding dresses of course must have a long train at the back, if not, why buy/rent a wedding dress when you can simply wear one evening gown?!

I am pretty traditional when it comes to wedding gowns and I know, I know, I'm not pure, so there's no point really, wearing a white gown since I'm already *tainted* (don't laugh, so are you!). But white really is nice, HOWEVER. Fat chicks shouldnt wear white for the most obvious reason : IT MAKES YOU BLOODY FAT OK.

So get colours like cream, pastel yellow, green, blue etc etc. Anything that is soft and it will soften your flabs. Harsh white is a big NO NO. No matter how traditional you are, and keep insisting on white, you must remember - the wedding pictures will be there FOREVER. Your next few generations will continuously mock and laugh at you in your hideous gown man. You are suppose to look your happiest and prettiest, not the tartiest.

This pink gown is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mega pretty wei. Walao. Can die. The pink is so soffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft. You're like a giant walking candyfloss man. So sweet can die ok. Look at the beaded detail that slowly twirls to the bottom.

Damn damn cantik..

Ok lah, I know the model in this picture is a tad skinny, but FOCUS. Focus on the gown. This is a mermaid inspired gown. Not really sure if it works on people with no hour glass shape (FYI I'm a super apple ok!) Will try it out in 20 years when some old man decides to marry me. Then I will update on this blog! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

This classic tube gown is also amazing lor. You can't go wrong in this, this gown flatters every body shape. It is elegant and classy. This might actually be your best bet if you're not interested in foraging through the hundreds of gowns, putting them on and pissing the shop staff off by being in denial that your body shape is actually suitable for SOME SPECIFIED gowns.

Flower Bouquets (read as boo-kays)

What is the purpose of the flower bouquets you might ask. Or perhaps your inquisitory sensory gland has malfunctioned, I shall give you the possible reasons that I've come up with.

a) so that you wont look stupid with your hands being flee-flayyy on your sides.

b) so you can calm yourself down by squeezing tightly onto it.

c) so you can use it to hit the groom at the alter because you found out that he slept with your best friend.

d) so you can look poised.

See, enough right?

I love this bouquet with red roses and pearls all over. This is amazing. So chun wei. Pearls are class as well! Plus the pearls are compatible with your white/pearly gown!

If he's gonna marry me, he must know that I love tea roses (mixture of yellow, orange and pink) So nice ler. I don't like bouquets will frills all over. So distracting!!!!!

This is also very sweet. Doesn't stand out much, but the colours are soft and gentle. Good for those who are not so bold. SO SWEET LAR.

I can't choose between the red rose, tea rose, or cream roses.

SO HARD LAH :( give me all! :D

RIP Patrick Swayze

Dearest Patrick,

Firstly, I want to thank you for giving me the false hope that there is love even after death. I even harped on that idea that a man can love you even after he's dead. But the fact is, there is no such thing. I have come to realise that Forever is only a word. I don't blame you though, it was only a movie. But it was a good movie though. It made me teared and cursed why my then-bf wasn't as romantic or as loving as you were. You caused pretty much tensions between us. But it was fine. I FORGIVE YOU cause Ghost was a bloody hell damn good movie.

Secondly, you also gave alot of women false hopes in your movie, Dirty Dancing. That men can be so suave and women that can gyrate that way. Oh well, still another movie! But it was good man.

It is our great loss to lose a great actor like you, when they could have taken other lousy stupid shit actors like Will Ferrell, Collin Farrell and Hannah Montana.

You will be deeply missed.

Love,
Your super chained melody.

big nose

Recently I've come to notice that my nose is getting bigger and fleshier.

Is it due to gaining weight that my nose gets bigger? Perhaps.

I like it though. My ex was right. I do have a button nose. I just didn't realise it till now!

HAH!

DIY Paper Roses

These are by far the most beautiful roses that I've ever received.

They take alot of effort to do, and is inexpensive (you know how stingy i am) and the they don't die after a week.
Very economical and a way to show your girl that you really love her (and also to forgive him).

When I'm getting married, the guy better have 999 of these kind of paper roses ready for me when he proposes. If not, no deal! (SO UNREASONABLE RIGHT????)

I am amazed how a guy can actually do it, and it just proves that when you have the will, you'll have the way to do it.

Good job. Now I only forgive you 1/9%

You have 88 more roses to go.

GAMBATTE!

hwahwahwahwahwahwahwahwahw
*evil laughter*

Boyzone - Better

And I found out that Boyzone did a cover of it after that.No WONDER I was thinking to myself wtf, he released it in Feb2008 now only popular???



The Boyzone's version is pretty smacking as well... :)

Tom Baxter - Better

This song makes me weak at the knees I swear. Perhaps it's just how hot the singer is, or simply that his song makes perfect sense.

Our love has changed,
It’s not the same,
And the only way to say it
Is say it .. it’s better.

I can’t concede,
This way I feel,
For all the time we spent, together,
Forever .. just gets better.

See what I’m trying to say is:
You make things .. better
And no matter what the day is,
With you here .. it’s better.

I’ll stand by you,
If you stand by me.
I think time that I, reveal it,
‘Coz I believe it
It’s better

See what I’m trying to say is:
You make things .. better
And no matter what the day is,
With you here .. it’s better

Ooh the more I .. talk .. to .. you
The more in love with
E .. vry .. thing .. you .. do

Doo doo doo doo doo doo

See what I’m trying to say is:
You make things .. better
And no matter what the day is,
With you here .. it’s better

Our love has changed
It’s not the same
And the only way to say it
Is say it .. it’s better

Perfect song for my (imaginary) wedding <3>

Here are some pics I took at the hospital yesterday while visiting the mum n the child.

She is so beautiful lahhh!!!!!!!!

So beautiful man... :)

All the way from England

Rosabelle,

You're so lucky. You already have hand knitted cardigans from England even before you were born. They were from your Aunty Jo's english grandparents back in Manchester.

See everyone loves you.

Grandma Betty and Grandpa Jim loves you very much!!! :)

Love,

Aunty Joxxxx

Rosabelle Khoo

Our darling Baby Rosabelle Khoo,

Welcome to our world on this special day, 09/09/09. You're the most precious baby (till mine comes along then you're like old news) and everyone has been waiting so impatiently for you to arrive.

Your Grandma says you look like me, and she was right. You DO look like me. But you're my niece! It is most probably because I look like my brother, or either that, your mum has been looking too much at me (and my photos) (hence you morphed out to be like me!).

Your daddy loves you very much and you will be his little girl now. You have outrageously taken my place as the most precious in the family, however I forgive you because you're so cute! (and you look like me!)

Be a happy little girl. Your Aunty Jo will always be here to protect you, love you and feed you fried chicken till you're as fat as her.

We love you so much. You're so beautiful.

Love always,
Aunty Jo

XXXXX

Rattan Hula Hoops.

I have been doing the hula exercise for a while now, and I'm really really good at it. I am specifically using the thickest width hula to be found on the market, and it hurts like hell whenever you miss a cue and it falls.

Anyways, I realised that my body shape has gone wonky because of doing this hula everyday. One body side is slim and the other is protruding. This is because, and I have rationalised this common sensically with myself, that the hula hoop only goes in one direction - clockwise. Hence, the distribution of the muscles and fats will thus and henceforth go that way.

Fuck. Now I am neither round nor apple shaped. I am WONKY.

One after another. You broke it. You broke everything I had. My confidence. My self esteem. My courage. My belief system. My heart.

You broke every fucking thing.

And every fucking chromosome in my body is screaming out how much they hate you for putting me through this.

Time and again, I believed and believed. And for what? For no fucking reason. Just cause I tried to have a little faith.

But it's all broken now.

I can no longer trust you.

Perro de Presa Canario

I actually want this dog, RIGHT NOW.

This is the Perro de Presa Canario



Look at its mega muscles.

It'll be such a wonderful companion for jogging (as if i always jog!) :D

Why do I have a thing for big dogs?

I wonder if Malaysia sells this dog? Anyone??

LOVELOVELOVE!!!!!

Cool Winky

Oh look at the coolness oozing from my little girl Winky.

SO CUTE I TELL YOU.

She can jump left and right at the same time like sang kancil (little deer) man.
Aduhai so cutes.

Look at how relak she is lying on d floor man. So selamba. nggek ngekkk :P

Silly little thing!

The Man Who Can't be Moved

Amazing cover for my fav song. So amazing. Looks a tad geeky, but his voice and style is great!!!!! :)

Love without Talking

Watch and emerse yourself in the love unspoken.

Pap Smear Test

Ok, so today's post will be about a semi-serious one.

It is about pap smear and you (guys, you have no concern in this).

Ladies, for those of you who have "grown up" (I use this in a nice way to talk about ladies who's packages have been opened, had a hotdog shoved into their buns, gone all the way, etc etc etc). A pap smear is extremely important as we don't know what's usually wrong with our wombs/cervixes. We must do it cos we might get cervical cancer aka HPVirus we catch from stinking male species! (All their fault, make sure you make that him pay for the check up!!) They want to use our pek pek, they must pay property tax and rent ok!!!!!!

So, thanks to Chloe egging me on to do it (becuase it's good for us ladies) I had my first pap smear done - by a male gynae.

It was so shocking to have it done by a male, but wtf, 9/10 gynaes are males! (I DON'T KNOW WHY OK!) But this one I've encountered wasn't a perv lar, infact he was pretty nice to me.

Anyway, at the reception I was paving up and down the place. "should I do it? But its been so long! He's a guy leh! Later he see my nen nen and pek pek how?! Some more must pay him to see my pek pek and nen nen leh! HOW CAN! But how? If don't do now I'll never do! WHYYY must I be a girl!!! !@)(!@)#(!)!!*(#$%*#($^@" and alot of other curses. But in the end I decided to do it lar, since I was there only.

So the pap smear consisted of this :

1) Breast cancer check

2) Ultra sound scanning of the uterus for any funky shit

3) poking your pek pek with a stick and digging some gold out.

So hor, I went into the room and the nurse told me to take off my skirt and underwear, and I did lor. Then she went to my back and took off my bra! Sibeh pro seh, like a casanova trying to unhook my bra. Then I took off my skirt and my arse was facing the whole wide world. So memalukan diri (embarassing).

Then she ask me lie on the cold and clammy examination table/couch. Theres a ultra sound scanner sitting next to me. The doctor then took my blood pressure then listened to my heart beat. Then next, he slid his hands under my top and under my bra (chewah, like adult story like that). Then he touch touch here and touch touch there (I wonder if he would enjoy doing this???) I actually even asked him after the examination. Eh doc, you enjoy anot har, everyday get to see ladies like that. Then he said, NO LARRRRRRRRRR I VERY PROFESSIONAL WAN OKKKK!!!!!! hahahahahahahahaha. yes yes I believe. Anyways, the he squirted some gel onto my tummy and started scanning around. I was imagining myself as pregnant and when I saw my little baby I'd tear and say it's beautiful (so cliche I know). Then he told me my boobies and womb were fine (thank you).

Then I had to open my legs like this:

The only times I'd ever have to open my legs like this were:

a) having some sexy time with the man, in the confines of his or my room,

b) reading a book on the bed and my legs feel bored.

Those are the only times man. Now when I had to do it, SCARED the shit out of me man. I was so embarrassed. All the hairy bits, the pek pek and all, SO SHY MAN. I was thinking, later he see my pek pek so ugly he faint how?! Or go home and laugh and tell his wife about this seriously ugly pek pek he saw today!!! WTF MAN. Then as I was running rubbish through my mind, he shoved this into my little girl :

Wtf man, it looks like a Donald duck beak thing. Plus its disposable so its all good man. We wont catch anything from using the older metal ones. Anyway hor, then he started scraping the walls of my inner pek pek. I heard from mum and other aunties that it used to hurt, but this didn't, however it was slightly uncomfortable. It was done in less than a minute and I didn't even have time to scare myself with the stupid stupid thoughts!!!!!!

This was how he did it :

Basically a very simple test to show if you have any abnormal cells that might have mutated or not. So ladies, be very aware, as thousands of Malaysian women die of cervical cancer every year (I blame the men and their stinking wiener). This is all for a good cause, and is nothing to laugh about. When someone close to you gets cervical cancer, you won't be laughing so much now would you? So if you haven had one or haven had one in years, it about high time you do it. At least you will find out sooner than later!

So here's a little comic to lighten you up after reading my horrifying description on the pap smear test.

But really, it's not that scary. Ladies, please go have one done soon. It may just be the most well spent 100dollars.

Yesterday. Today. Forever.

Yesterday. Today. Forever.

These are the words I want engraved on my wedding ring the day the man slides it onto my fat chubby finger.

I don't know where I've heard it before, perhaps some branded watch advert. But it sends a nostalgic shiver down my spine. It's so classically romantic.

Yesterday. Today. Forever. He shall be with me always. He will love me always. (we know not all men are perfect, but we still like to dream a little ok!!!)

Hopefully, the man I will marry will love me always, with his unfaltering love.

Oh well, one can only dream and pray that time does not sway his feelings, nor change my attitude in which he will base his love on for me.

<3

Dearest Eka n Syaf,

Aku tahu lu stalk blogs aku *ngek ngek ngek*. How did you ever know man!!!!!!!!! No wonder Eka added me larrrrrrrr!!! kekeke.

ok lah, work hard. If not Bob not hepi.

Kthxbai.

Love,

Employee yang paling teruk.

Roses are pink, my love

I was surprised at the end of the day before I knocked off, to receive this amazing bouquet of roses.

They are pinkish orangish which are my favourites!!!!!

Pretty hor??

The sender really knows me well.

9 stalks somemore!

So Cantik!!!

*lots of fuzzy love*

And I've evaluated with myself that the guy will ONLY give you roses THIS BIG a bouquet only for the following reasons :

a) He wants to bang your brains out;

b) He wants to propose to you, then bang your brains out;

c) He rolled over your dog;

d) He did something extremely wrong which badly pissed you right off and now he's sorry;

e) He slept with your best friend;

f) Because you forced him to, if not you won't let him bang your brains out;

g) He wants a 3-some.

And none of that concludes that a guy will send you flowers just because he wants to. ALL HAVE MOTIVE ONE OK! And that motive resides in his underpants!