As an avid reader of sexual behaviors and everything else sexual, I have concluded a list of mistakes both men and women make in the bedroom.
Yes, I'm a pervert. I admit that! Don't judge me, I bet you're worse than I am! hee.
Everyone is sexual in nature. Some just hide it better than others. Those are the ones you have to watch out. We usually classify the silent ones as the "stalker" kind. The ones that are at the end pole of the extreme stick. The maniacs. But, we're not here to judge, but here only to enlighten and educate the good public certain mistakes that we have been making that have gone unnoticed (by ourselves only).
Everyone has to admit. Sex is great. Sex is a basic necessity. For those who claim that they can make do without it, they are either a) lying b) butt ugly c) has a small penis d) has no vagina e) a monk or a nun f) hath losth the will to liveth.
Right, so on the impending education of sexualism that I am about to embark.
Top mistakes Women make in bed.
1) Not giving fellatio ergo not giving your man the lovely attention his manhood needs. Men desparately lives to have theirdicks penises sucked caressed. Not paying attention to the neighbouring organs of their penises. Yes, men loves to have their balls gently played with too. Not a tug of war.
2) Not paying attention to other body parts of men. Men have very sensitive parts of their bodies too you know? Like the nipples, they are as sensitive as womens' nipples.
3) Jumping on their penises like a pogo-stick. You know they have feelings too, right? And they are not, I repeat, they are not, ROCK HARD.
4) Not changing positions. You can't expect men to do all the hard work and you enjoying at the same time. That's unless, of course, your man is a pushover. Then, good for you.
5) Having sex like its a chore, like its something serious, mandatory, to make a baby. Sex is fun. Don't treat it like school work!
6) Not moaning. If you're like 84% of the women out there, then you better start moaning. Moans literally make men cum. The louder you moan, the better the sex. Explicitly fake moans will be easily detected. Try to go incognito on your fakeness.
7) Expecting men to cuddle you and give you pillow talk like the movies portray. Truth is, after the men ejaculates, its a total system shut down for them. But for us, things pretty much starts. So try not to pick a fight, instead try understanding them that it's in-built for them to fall asleep like pigs, and snore all night long like walruses while we remain frustrated due to lack of TLC.
8) Thinking you're unattractive in bed. Stop trying to hide your fats. The fact that your man has chosen to sleep with you instead of other women, its because he loves you for you. And truth is, he finds your fats adorable. And if you're unfortunate enough to be with a man who asks you to lose weight, dump him. There are tons of men out there who truly appreciates you for who you are. And its a turn off for men to see you disliking your god-given temple of love.
9) Faking orgasm. Only meant for professionals. If you're a noob and you get caught faking an orgasm, your relationship would probably go down the poopers.
10) Not giving eye contact. It's all about eye fucking them eye contact. They say let the eyes do the talking. Most women shut their eyes while their male counterparts make love to them. This is a big mistake. Open your eyes and look at him while his doing making love to you. Let your eyes tell him everything.
Hah, after sussing out what we women have done wrong, here are the top mistakes that men make in the bedroom.
Hey, no one is perfect right? So read and learn, minions.
1) Ejaculating too soon. Oh yes, horrors of horrors. You came before your lady even had the chance to enjoy herself. Tsk tsk. Not good. There's nothing else to elaborate.
2) Not letting your lady know that you're about to ejaculate. She deserves to know it. Prepare herself.
3) Not ejucalating soon enough. Women don't enjoy sex for an hour, seriously. 20-30 mins of sex is enough. Any longer than that just chaffs our vagina.
4) Pushing her head down. Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her; or ask nicely.
5)Blowing in her ear too hard, or kiss it loudly. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 5th birthday cake or showing your generous affection by plopping a huge watery kiss on the ear. It really hurts.
6) Biting her nipples. Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.
7) Not going down south. Women deserve as much attention down there as you enjoy too. So as to prevent us from pushing your head down south and creating unnecessary embarrasment, its much better if you went down on us with a smile in your face.
8) Fingering us as if you're digging desparately for a cookie in the cookie jar. It hurts us as well you know. If we don't ask you for any fingering doesn't mean we're worshipping you till the extent that we don't need any TLC from you. It's because you're doing it wrong, and we're too afraid to ask you for it, in case we contract any disease related wounds from your dirty nails.
9) No wedgies during foreplay, please! Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the panties up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth like you are starting a fire is not.
10) Licking the clitoris like you trying to reach the filling of the tootsie roll is a big no-no. Licking the clitoris roughly only creates pain for us. This does not put you in the good books. We may bite your penis in revenge if you make us go down on you when you give us terrible head.
And because women could possibly not do anything worse than a man could, here's another 2 mistakes men make.
11) Jack-hammering/wall-drilling us. This does not work. We are not concrete floors/walls .It's like us jumping on you like pogo sticks. Hurts right?
12) Thinking that whatever that porn stars do, we can do it too. No we cant squirt like there's an inbuilt water hose in us. We can't do those crazy positions porn stars do. We do not look like porn stars. Our boobies are real. No, we do not want to wear that costume. We are not porn stars, I repeat! Stop expecting us to do things they do! And seriously, asian women don't like anal. Comprehende?
Big hugs!
Yes, I'm a pervert. I admit that! Don't judge me, I bet you're worse than I am! hee.
Everyone is sexual in nature. Some just hide it better than others. Those are the ones you have to watch out. We usually classify the silent ones as the "stalker" kind. The ones that are at the end pole of the extreme stick. The maniacs. But, we're not here to judge, but here only to enlighten and educate the good public certain mistakes that we have been making that have gone unnoticed (by ourselves only).
Everyone has to admit. Sex is great. Sex is a basic necessity. For those who claim that they can make do without it, they are either a) lying b) butt ugly c) has a small penis d) has no vagina e) a monk or a nun f) hath losth the will to liveth.
Right, so on the impending education of sexualism that I am about to embark.
Top mistakes Women make in bed.
1) Not giving fellatio ergo not giving your man the lovely attention his manhood needs. Men desparately lives to have their
2) Not paying attention to other body parts of men. Men have very sensitive parts of their bodies too you know? Like the nipples, they are as sensitive as womens' nipples.
3) Jumping on their penises like a pogo-stick. You know they have feelings too, right? And they are not, I repeat, they are not, ROCK HARD.
4) Not changing positions. You can't expect men to do all the hard work and you enjoying at the same time. That's unless, of course, your man is a pushover. Then, good for you.
5) Having sex like its a chore, like its something serious, mandatory, to make a baby. Sex is fun. Don't treat it like school work!
6) Not moaning. If you're like 84% of the women out there, then you better start moaning. Moans literally make men cum. The louder you moan, the better the sex. Explicitly fake moans will be easily detected. Try to go incognito on your fakeness.
7) Expecting men to cuddle you and give you pillow talk like the movies portray. Truth is, after the men ejaculates, its a total system shut down for them. But for us, things pretty much starts. So try not to pick a fight, instead try understanding them that it's in-built for them to fall asleep like pigs, and snore all night long like walruses while we remain frustrated due to lack of TLC.
8) Thinking you're unattractive in bed. Stop trying to hide your fats. The fact that your man has chosen to sleep with you instead of other women, its because he loves you for you. And truth is, he finds your fats adorable. And if you're unfortunate enough to be with a man who asks you to lose weight, dump him. There are tons of men out there who truly appreciates you for who you are. And its a turn off for men to see you disliking your god-given temple of love.
9) Faking orgasm. Only meant for professionals. If you're a noob and you get caught faking an orgasm, your relationship would probably go down the poopers.
10) Not giving eye contact. It's all about
Hah, after sussing out what we women have done wrong, here are the top mistakes that men make in the bedroom.
Hey, no one is perfect right? So read and learn, minions.
1) Ejaculating too soon. Oh yes, horrors of horrors. You came before your lady even had the chance to enjoy herself. Tsk tsk. Not good. There's nothing else to elaborate.
2) Not letting your lady know that you're about to ejaculate. She deserves to know it. Prepare herself.
3) Not ejucalating soon enough. Women don't enjoy sex for an hour, seriously. 20-30 mins of sex is enough. Any longer than that just chaffs our vagina.
4) Pushing her head down. Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her; or ask nicely.
5)Blowing in her ear too hard, or kiss it loudly. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 5th birthday cake or showing your generous affection by plopping a huge watery kiss on the ear. It really hurts.
6) Biting her nipples. Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.
7) Not going down south. Women deserve as much attention down there as you enjoy too. So as to prevent us from pushing your head down south and creating unnecessary embarrasment, its much better if you went down on us with a smile in your face.
8) Fingering us as if you're digging desparately for a cookie in the cookie jar. It hurts us as well you know. If we don't ask you for any fingering doesn't mean we're worshipping you till the extent that we don't need any TLC from you. It's because you're doing it wrong, and we're too afraid to ask you for it, in case we contract any disease related wounds from your dirty nails.
9) No wedgies during foreplay, please! Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the panties up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth like you are starting a fire is not.
10) Licking the clitoris like you trying to reach the filling of the tootsie roll is a big no-no. Licking the clitoris roughly only creates pain for us. This does not put you in the good books. We may bite your penis in revenge if you make us go down on you when you give us terrible head.
And because women could possibly not do anything worse than a man could, here's another 2 mistakes men make.
11) Jack-hammering/wall-drilling us. This does not work. We are not concrete floors/walls .It's like us jumping on you like pogo sticks. Hurts right?
12) Thinking that whatever that porn stars do, we can do it too. No we cant squirt like there's an inbuilt water hose in us. We can't do those crazy positions porn stars do. We do not look like porn stars. Our boobies are real. No, we do not want to wear that costume. We are not porn stars, I repeat! Stop expecting us to do things they do! And seriously, asian women don't like anal. Comprehende?
Big hugs!
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