He took all the you had, ripped it apart like paper and threw it into the bin.
He broke all his promises to you, he ruined your life.
He screwed you over. That lying, cheating bastard.
You want to kill him, and then kill yourself. Then kill him again, and again and again.
If this sounds like you, then you have come to the right place.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, that you aren't good enough for him.
The truth is, you're right on him being a lying, cheating bastard.
No amount of reasons aka excuses are going to change the fact that he cheated on you, and broke your heart.
Cheating does not have to include a physical cheat eg, sleeping with that skank.
Cheating includes mental cheating and emotional cheating.
In simple words, as long as he's eye flirting with the eye other girl, he's cheating on you.
So, you get the idea.
Get a grip woman, we're the stronger creatures.
We are capable of so much more.
Like revenge.
You may say, "Revenge? Oh no, I don't have the heart to do that"
or
"I'm not that evil."
But the truth is, all women ARE evil.
And if you piss us off, we will get even.
The pink bunny is right, plotting revenge is fun!
We women are more sophisticated creatures.
We do not require to resort to immediate harsh violence to get our thoughts through.
We have other much subtle revenge that has been proven equally fatal.
But there are rules to remember on plotting a revenge:
1. Get mad....then get even. It's justice, plain and simple.
2. Revenge is healthy. Don't listen to those mealymouths who tell you otherwise. You're teaching people to behave better. At the same time you're getting icky poisonous feelings out of your system once and for all. What could be healthier?
3. Remember, Karma is a good thing. Be sure everyone gets his or hers...in this lifetime. You're helping to bring the scales of justice back into balance and restore order to the universe.
4. Revenge is excellent self-therapy. It's far cheaper than a therapist and much healthier than pigging out on a box of donuts.
5. The punishment should always fit the crime. In other words, don't go nuclear over something trivial.
6. Always aim your revenge where it hurts the most. Go right for the jugular.
7. Let your creativity blossom. Don't go for cliches like slashing tires. Yawn. Be original. Enjoy yourself. Give your mark an experience they'll never ever forget.
8. Don't break the law.
9. If you have to do something you're not proud of, be sure to cover your tracks well.
10. Have fun. If you can end up laughing at the jerk who wronged you, you're well on your way to being over it.
11. Once revenge is consummated, move on. It's over.
So after having read through these rules carefully, we shall start with tips and ideas on how to get even with that scumbag who broke your heart.
1. Stick menstrual pads covered in chicken blood, all over his car.
There are no words to describe how much satisfaction it brings to you to see him embarrassingly peel off the stained pads from his ride.
And to deal with that stench.
2. Fake miscarriage
Then go running to his mum and tell that he was so against you keeping the baby, that he pushed you down the stairs.
Cry till bubbles pop out your nose.
Keep grabbing your belly to emphasise the effect.
Then sit back and watch how his mum screws him.
3. Itch powder
You can get itch powder from joke shops.
Put it generously in his pants, his underwear, shirts, pillows, duvet covers.
Anywhere you can get away with.
:D
4. D.I.Y
Go be creative, make some designs.
Have ADD with the scissors, unleash the designer in you!
make some crotchless pants! or underwear!
Or you can just do it the plain old way.
Cut up all his clothes.
5. Be kind
Adopt a pet today!
Go down to your nearest pet shelter,
and adopt the fiercest dog they have!
Then (carefully), introduce your new pet into its new owner's garden!
I'm sure the dog and his new owner will get along just fine :)
here is a cuter version of the dog
look how happy puggy is?
6. Traditions
In the past, women cheated would just throw all her man's stuff out on the streets.
They still prove effective.
7. Stick it on!
If the computer is the most important thing in his life, then it's going to be so fun.
superglue the mouse to the table since we're using optical mice now :P
If he's still using the old mouse and ball, then superglue the ball to the insides of the mouse.
then unplug the mouse, apply superglue to it, then put it back into the pc.
turn the speaker nob all the way up and then superglue it.
superglue "backspace" and "enter" and the spacebar down to the keyboard.
if you want a more drastic measure, or if you're really really mad, some people have done this:
works for them!
9. What's that smell?
An article I read off Cleo taught me to put raw fish in the seams of the curtains. In a few days, he'll be running about like crazy.
He might even give you the house.
10. Chains and all
This is pretty effective.
More effective if he's new pet is waiting for him in his living room.
11. BLOOD!
Unfortunately in Malaysia, vandalising with red paint is more of a loan shark's signature, rather than a woman scorned.
So, be different. Use the colours of the rainbow!
12. Creeeeeeeeeeeekit!
Buy RM100 worth of crickets, (tell the petshop owner you want to set them free), and set them free via any hole openings in his home!)
Good Karma will come to you in 100 folds once you've set this poor critters free!
13. If all else fails....
Be sure to know that your trustee voodoo doll is only a handicraft away!
For surefire results, please consult a witch doctor :)
isn't it?
So here you go.
Go mend your poor hearts.
Nothing is worth this much pain.
And guys, if you have read what I have wrote,
then you should probably take note that women are capable of all the abovementioned, or even worse.
Thank God that you're still alive if you've ever cheated on your lady.
GOOD LUCK!
X
Post script:
a. There's nothing like a good classic beat down.
Beat that skank.
Pull out her hair.
Bite her ears.
Scratch her face.
Nothing releases anger than physical activity.
Makes you feel better immediately.
Ambush is a sure fire way to win the fight.
b. Get free condoms from the Health clinic.
You wouldn't wanna waste your hard earn money right?
So, get as many as possible, unroll them,
fill them lightly with white glue,
then fling it all over her house, and on the streets, leading to her house!
Nothing says "I'm a whore" better than that!
c. Get her number
Then advertise it on a sex site.
Nuff' said.
d. Prank call
And tell her she's got genitalia herpes.
Have fun!
X
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