Ways to Get a Job Promotion

Can't get up the corporate ladder?
Can't get a pay raise?

Over shadowed by excellent colleagues?

This sounds like you?

Then you're in for a treat, because today I will be giving you all pointers on how to get ahead of the line, get a promotion, and that pay raise you've always wanted!

Now you can go purchase that 42'' LCD blue ray tv you've always wanted!

(Disclaimer: Results may vary depending on how much you're willing to sell your soul and betray yourself to do this)

No.1:

Work hard, work smart.

Bosses like to see their employees working their asses off.
They like to see them leaving the office last, etc etc.

The trick here is to SEE. They don't actually have to know what you're doing.
All you have to do is act busy and important!

But you would have to produce some quality work at some point.

Do something to get praises, anything.

Leave last at work, play Hearts, or Testris or go online at the computer.

Or take the highroad, and blog! Be useful! Give something back into the society!

No.2:

Blackmail.

It's always nice to stumble on people skiving off office stationery, properties, etc etc.
It's even more satisfying to know that THEY KNOW that YOU KNOW.

Then everytime they look at you, they'll be nice to you.

In case you rip on them to the boss.

Alway nice to have backup, you know?

It's even better if you walk in on the bosses doing-something-they-shouldn't.

They'll know exactly what to do to shut you up.

But know your limits, don't push it.
Or you'll find yourself at the top of the retrenching list.

No. 3:

Ass kissing.

If you have nothing to blackmail your boss with,
then may I recommend ass kissing.

It's a real true story that ass kissing gets you what you want.

The thing is the bosses know you're ass kissing,
and they love it.

They love the fact that someone worships them,
they love the fact that they have power to make people bow down to them.

So the more ass you kiss, the higher you might climb.

But remember to kiss ass reasonably.
If you go OTT you may turn out fake and it might back fire on you.

So becareful.
Use it sparingly and at appropriate moments.

No. 4:

Back stabbing.

Ah.... one of the oldest ways to get ahead in line.

Back stab everyone you know. Especially those who show potential to climb higher than you.

If theres someone who ass kisses the boss better than you, then you have to stab the person all the way.

Everyone knows that backstabbing happens in the office like, everyday.
Its a norm.

So if you can't beat backstabbing, why not join it?!?!?

Make sure if you're going to backstab someone, do it until they are dead, metaphorically.

Make sure you backstab them until they can't get up to take revenge on you again.

No. 5:

Boot licking.

This is one step lower than ass kissing to degrade your morals.

Boot licking is the equivalent of being a dog for your boss.

At least ass kissing involves asses, and theres nothing THAT bad about asses.
(once in a while you'll come across terrible asses, but you'd have to suck it up and kiss it anyway).

Boot licking is like, being your boss's hitman. His slave, his dog.

Everything that pleases him.

The boss might promote you to become is PA.

Which then you can sub-control the office when he's not around.

No.6 :

Create chaos.

Tell everyone something untrue about the other person, and go to the other person to say that the person said something nasty about him too.

Do this back and forth with everyone.

Play the middle man, the innocent helpful one.

Then when everyone is hating each other in the office and being unproductive,
you rise as the shining star, untangled and affected by the shit load of mess you've created.

But make sure you cover your tracks when you've created the mess.
Get rid of evidence that you were the one who spreaded the rumours.

-----------------------------------

So if you really get the promotion after reading my blog,
you owe me a meal.

If you don't get a promotion, but got fired instead,
then,
tough shit man.

You just weren't promotion calibre.

X