Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Maternal instincts and the whole 9 yards.

People who know me any better knows about me and my shoe fetish.

I absolutely adore shoes. I aspire to be the next Imelda Marcos (minus the embezzling and what not)

I want to have a walk in shoe closet, brightly litted.

Today, during lunch break, I managed to whoop up 4 pairs of shoes. 2 wedges and 2 flats!

Ah, the satisfaction of retail shoe therapy. It really made half my day.

I started off today feeling nothing good and nothing bad, and the shoes just topped it off.

4 pairs of shoes for RM60! Now that's a real bargain. And it is certified by me, the Bargain hunter. I will post pictures of the shoes I bought later on when I get home, because if I start opening my shoe boxes in my own office cubicle, I will be man-handled by the bosses.

On a more confused, heavier note, I can actually feel my biological clock ticking. After the occurence of certain events, I find myself deeply disappointed that my time isn't here yet to have a child. I am not financially stable enough to provide for the kid, let alone myself. Am I crazy to feel this way? Have I gone insane on wanting a kid badly? Is it a social taboo to want a kid at such a young age? The child will definitely ruin my life at this stage, but why do I feel as if I need a child so much? Is it because I have no other avenues to pass on my love to? Or am I just a person fill with so much love? I don't know. Am I the only one who is feeling this way?

I'm 23 this year, perhaps my expiry date is nearing (those who are older and single, please don't hit me). Perhaps my body is telling me that I should settle down and have kids soon. No? Then it must be the prawns mum cooked for me this morning that's giving me all these irrational feelings. Perhaps I am a more motherly person than other people. I feel the need to mother my friends some times. I feel the need to play an important role in the lives of people I love. Ergo, I'm clingy and needy to ones I love.

I had the same feeling I am having today several years ago. But I dismissed it off thinking that I am too young. But now, I'm not young anymore as my mother so kindly and gently puts it. I guess it's time that I settle down. Have 2 kids, lead a simple life. That's all I'm asking for.

Argh. I'm talking shit arn't I? Never mind. I think I need more retail therapy to get rid of my maternal instincts. I have to replace these feelings by showing shoes, clothes, bags and jewlry my unrequited love. My god I'm growing old. Maternal instincts are the first sign. Second signs are wanting to snatch a baby from the pram and running away with it. My god. I am literally the worst human being on earth.

Bah, earn money. Get married. Have kids. That should be the order.

Not Have kids, earn money, get even.

And the more impending and scary question: What if I'm sterile and can't have kids?! What if I have undiscovered cystitis and endriometriosis which would then lead to infertility?! WHat will I do then?! WTF?! WTF? Because you see, almost everyone I know are having problems conceiving. It must be the food, alcohol intake we have that's ruining our fertility systems. Is no one afraid of this? I have sub-consciously stopped drinking, only for certain occasions I take a sip, in order to prepare my womb for conceiving a child in the future. HAVE I GONE MAD?!

I should stop thinking any further, because it would just ruin my evening jog (yes I jog now).

My imagination tends to get the better of me.

I'm sorry to be diarrheaing your ears off now.

I shall stop...... for now.

Oh yeah, because Chinese New Year is nearing, the Spring Wind has started to blow our way in JB. Let's hope we have a better year this year....and lots more red packets.

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