Friday, August 14, 2009

OVERRATED! NEXT!

So many things nowadays are being worshipped and idolised without any good reason.
Yeah, you are right. They are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy overrated! Everyone has different views on what overrated is. Some say The Mets/Nicks, Obama, Porsche, Ice cream etc etc etc.

Here are my humble and crazy views on what I reaaaaaaaaaaaaly think is overrated.

And I SWEAR I'm not jealous or envious when I list out each one!

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.



I know many of you hopeless romantics strongly believe that there is love at first sight out there.
You see a person, and BAM! it hits you like a wave you never expected. Next you're drooling and all puppy-dogged trailing him from the back. I for one, have experienced love at first sight many times. I would LOVEEEEEEEEE to tear off his pants and shirts and do the unspeakables to him.

There is no such thing as love at first sight. HOW the FUCK would you know if you even love him without knowing him? He might be a freaking cheater/rapist/murderer! This is unacceptable and ridiculous to even talk about. BUT. BUT it is reasonable for you to want to screw that person because of the certain looks/poise/charm he has. It is totally understandable that your heart skips a beat, grow butterflies in your tummy or legs turn to jelly because all you want to do is bump uglies with him.

Not love. Love is something acquired through time spent together and getting to know each other. Mos people are mistaken with lust at first sight and are convinced that it is love at first sight. You like him he likes you. You sleep together on the first date. Then you both grow to realise that you can actually get along and then start growing on each other. Then you conveniently tell everyone at your wedding dinner that it was love at first sight INSTEAD of lust! But we all know. We know.

LAWYERS


When people get to know that I'm a barrister they go like. WAHHHHHHHHHHHh. So whats your biggest case! You must be earning alot, you must treat me eat ok? WAh, cannot talk nonsense with you or else later you sue me! Wah, must be so smart hor you study so much! Wah, you all got deal with rapist/murderers etc etc anot? NEXT TIME GIVE ME DISCOUNT K?

MAHAI KNNBCCB.

Let me clarify this for you.

a) We don't earn alot. We are PAID employees. We only earn a fixed amount. Unless we are bosses, we are only workers!

b) We don't get big cases because we're newbies. It is simply stupid for a boss to dump a raelly complicated and large case on your desk and expect you to ace it at court.

Come back in 10 years or so and I might be able to tell you my glorifying days in court.

c) We don't sue people just because you talk rubbish to us. We are humans. We are not insane. You know how much time and effort we have to go through just to file court docs and pay shit loads of money THEN wait for it to be in trial?

It's simply just easier (and more logical) to show you my stubby middle finger and/or punch the daylights out of you for being such a dick.

d) We can't give discounts. It's simply against the regulations. We are not SALES ok?! (That is unless if the boss says so).

e) there ARE people who studied law and are still stupider than a car mechanic or a road sweeper. Studying law does not necessarily make you the cream of the crop. With the right financial aids, benefits and alot of luck, you CAN become a lawyer.

You don't need a brain for that.

There are shit loads of fucking stupid lawyers I know.

And infact, I can say that I'm not very bright as compared to alot of people who studied less that I know of!

So its no big deal. Stop thinking that we're smart and that we know EVERY LAW and EVERYTHING. Becuase we don't. We're not God.

So until I am THE BOSS, there is no way in hell I can bend to your whims and fancies!

So listen and stop saying all the silliest things to your lawyer friends! HAHA!

TWITTER.


Seriously. I don't need to inform people/or be informed every fucking min about you poopin/picking your nose/seeing the most beautiful chick/what your stupid hamster has done/or how much you spent shopping. I don't understand why people have the need to inform the whole world about their actions and having others to validate them?

cerealsly man.

Whisky.





It tastes like crap and look like a very dehydrated person's pee. How can anyone find this drink appealing? Of course its an acquired taste and YOU whisky people will say I have none!

Be it in a mixer, or on the rocks, it still sucks.

How can something that horrible tasting be sold at RM500.00 per bottle!? That's nightlife/daytime robbery!

SEX ON THE BEACH.




I don't know why this is every freaking virgin's dream. It is illogical to to have sex on the beach.

here is why :

a) you'll get sand in your vagina and its gonna hurt you like fuck.

b) you'll get bitten by sandflies.

c) depending on the time of the day, you'll either get really burnt, or mugged, or murdered, or both.

d) you could be cuaght on video and be blackmailed for a billion dollars.

e) lying on the sand (or whatever's on the sand) hurts.

Do I even need to mention more?????

PARIS.



Land of love, romance and passion. The most romantic streets on earth. Amazing scenery. LANJIAO!

Paris is full of fucking snobbish, rude french pricks that hates people who speak English to them. Paris is dirty, dusty and dullish. Paris has even more people who aren't french. Paris sucks.

There is nothing romantic about them except the Eiffel Tower. And even that it's only romantic at night.

There's shit loads of pickpockets in Paris as well. HOW THE FUCK TO BE ROMANTIC AND HAPPY IF YOU'VE BEEN PICKPOCKETED?

Paris can go jump up its own tower.

BUBBLE BATHS.




WTF man this is a total waste of time, water and soap. You even get all wrinkly and horrible under it.

Baths are for advertisements to entice you to buy something. It is not for real life. You can't have a bath to relax everyday. You can't even get clean by washing yourself among all those bubbles. In fact you're bathing in your own dirt! And even if you do wanna wash yourself clean, you'd either have to

a) drain all the bubbles and clean the tub properly, then shower again;

OR

b) shower with the bubbles and all by standing up.

EITHER WAY, you still waste alot of water.YOU THINK OUR EARTH HAS UNDEPLETABLE NATURAL RESOURCES ISIT?

Support SHOWERS! You'll be clean, you save water and time, and you can use the rest of your time so much more wisely than appreciate the lit candles (which also costs money) and Sade on your portable disc radio.

MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH.



When he was alive you all called him a monster, a paedophile, a freak and all sorts.

Now he's dead and gone (God bless his soul) you all worship him, cry like fuck and say all the good things about him.

Fucking hypocrites. Now his death is not even important anymore as EVERYONE'S attentions are on his property. Who gets what, who's children is who, who actually killed him etc etc.

There are more important things to solve than this. Like malaria, cancer, global warming, deforestation, melting of the ice caps. GO MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND PAY ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS THAT WILL ACTUALLY AFFECT OUR LIFES. Let the dead be dead. We are not going to bring him back to life by creating all these unnecessary havoc.

LOBSTER



I dono why everyone is goo-gagaing over really expensive and tasteless crabmeat. It's just a crustacean. It's not uranium or somethng thats gonna give you superr powers or make you prettier and smarter.

Why pay so much money for something that's gonna eventually come out of your arse? It does not even have any health benefits!

DIAMONDS.



Yes, I have many of them.

But I don't know why they are called a girl's best friend? Shouldn't it be an animal, or better a real life human?

Diamonds are small and very expensive. They don't serve any purpose except being an ornamental item on your body. They are ridiculously overpriced. They don't talk, they can't give you hugs, they can't feed you (except if you sell it to even more stupid people and get money for it), they can't do shit expect be sparkly and pretty.

Now why the fuck would you do that when you can buy cheaper and prettier gem stones and still be sparkly and shiny?

Prices of diamonds are getting out of hand, we're even getting certificates for it (you might as well use that money to buy yourself a degree or a qualification). It's only a freaking damn rock!

TOY DOGS



In all honesty, dogs are never meant to stay this small forever. It is cruel to genetically modify these poor things to suit your whim and fancy that they be, this "cute".

And people who pay freaking thousands of dollars for something this small and cute and useless when you can get a gaurd dog puppy for the same price that might actually save your life next time!

Goodness grief. They don't even bark properly!

BUTT SEX



It's fucking painful, its freaking gross and you are more susceptible to funky diseases through your arse.

I don't get it why men want it. Is it because it's prohibited and also a taboo that's why you do it? You get poop on your dick you know anot!?

They say its tighter at the arse. If you want something tight then why don't you just grow a bigger dick??????????

nabehcibai.

CAVIAR



Paying some really expensive money for some salted fish's egg.

I dont see salted chicken/duck's eggs be this expensive.

YET people who want to show off that they're rich and posh always try to eat this (AND escargots) to prove that they're better.

You know you can get fish roe from the market at RM10 per kilo!?

Sturgeon fish so what? DAI SAI ISIT? Can make you become a deity har? KNNB.

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