Sunday, November 15, 2009

Food for thought.



Hi! My name is Rosabelle Alexis Khoo Li Ern and I am 2 months and 1 week old. I was born on 9/9/9 because I am spoilt that way to want to be a day late.

I am a very fat baby. You can see it from the picture that my double chin is MASSIVE. I think I'm so fat because my daddy always insults my lovely aunty for being fat and now God is punishing him for having such an evil mouth when he is so fat himself! My daddy looks like a laughing Buddha cos he has these man boobs, huge belly and has purposely balded himself. and oh, wears very little clothes. So now I have to suffer being fat because God wants to teach him a lesson!

I think God is punishing me too because I look exactly like my daddy. And that isn't a good thing. I pray that I will evolve soon and turn into my mummy or my lovely aunty so I will look more like a woman than a man. Geez.

I am also half human half devil. I love screaming bloody murder when I fancy and whenever the house is the quietest. Especially in the wee hours of the morning when everyone is sleeping and I am up, I'd love to have everyone barge out of their bedrooms to welcome me and play with me.




I love seeing my lovely aunty wrapped in her duvet cover and coming over to grandma's room to scream at me for being such a little monster. She makes me laugh by sticking her tongue and make noises like a little red indian. I think she is the only one in the family that makes me happy and i love her colourful yellow room. She has alot of stuff in it which is colourful and i hope that when I grow up one day I'd be able to go into her room and destroy her stuff when she is out at work.


I'd take her lipsticks and eye liners and colour her walls with it and i'd wear her huge knickers on my head and poop in her drawers. and when I'm taller, i'd reach for her perfumes on her upper shelf and play ball with it. Yes. that is what i'd do.

the babysitter says that my aunty loves me the most because i have a stripe of ungrown hair across my skull that was an old wive's tale. but i think she hates me. whenever i cry she'd slap my leg and call me guailankia (or whatever it is, i dono what that means). bt i think she loves me too because she always smiles and calls me siao-eh, cibaikia and see-gui. i dono what that all means but i should think its all sweet names for a lovely little baby like me.

I also love pooping in my auntys room, or rather, on my aunty. I hardly do that to anyone else, but somehow when I am with her, I feel very relaxed, so much so, my arse decides to go blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and then she has to change her clothes her bedsheets and her pillow cases. I also love peeing whenever the diapers are off, so everyone gets a bit of my holy water. I love to see how disgusted their faces are whenever I do that. I luagh because it feels me with glee and I am also part devil.

I eat like a pig because I am my father's daughter and so you all will know that my dad is a pig. he is lazy and whenever I cry he runs away so mummy have to take care of me.

I love my uncle. Whenever I am in his arms, i sleep and i dono if its his really huge eye balls or dumbo ears, he never fails to make me laugh and smile.

I love it when my grandpa dances around like a tribal shaman at a blackmagic cookout. he waves his hands around in the air and makes funny noises and it makes me laugh at how silly he is. bt i still love him.

grandma loves me the most and she always calls me 'ann ann' instead of 'ern ern'. I dont know why. Who is this ann ann? Do i look like her? has my grandma gone crazy? and why does she always call herself my mummy when I have a mummy ? My my. I do have a crazy family. And whenever my grandma gets hold of me, she never lets anyone else holds me! I must be so precious.

I also like to change washable cotton diapers 25 times a day, because you know, I don think my grandma's maid has anything else to do besides washing clothes, washing my diapers, washing bedsheets, the plates, the floors, the porch, pick up 3 dog's poops, fold clothes, cook, and sweeping the whole house. i think she needs more work. I on the other hand have a tight schedule of sleeping, eating, pooping and peeing and generally crying all day. Man I am so exhausted as compared to the maid. I think I'd have to poop on more stuff like the couch and everything else that needs a good scrub. yes, i shall work her to death, because I am part devil.

ok, i am bored now. i shall go find something else to puke on after the breast milk i just drank. and then cry really loudly because i am hungry after all the puking.

peace.

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