In lieu to the fact that I'd be having children in years to come (in God's Grace), there are some teachings that I have to instill in them. Things that I've attained, things I've failed to which was due to years of habit and that the fact that I was the product of my environment.
1) Humility. Everyone has to be humble, no matter how far you climb in life. When you're rich, or smart, or anything that everyone praises you to be of, you have to be humble. When you're poor, you have to be humble. No use being proud when you're not rich.
2) You must always give thanks to people who helped you and even though they failed to give you what you wanted, you must always thank them anyway. For they have given you their efforts and will. It does not kill to say 2 simple words of thank you.
3) No use being proud and cocky when you're beautiful. Beauty can only bring you so far in life. It is an added bonus, but it is not everything. Not everyone is superficial and would give in to your whims and fancies when you're beautiful.
4) You have to look far and look beneath the exterior of the person you're going to marry. Do not marry someone because he is handsome. But only marry him when he shows qualities of a good husband and a good father. You have to foresee in near future if he is going to play an active part in the family you'll soon create together.
5) My dear daughter, do not marry a rich man's son when he himself isn't hardworking. Remember that the wealth only lasts not more than 3 generations. And remember they are more spoilt than normal men and would have more vices than the normal men. If you're able to tolerate these personalities, by all means. But if not, a normal man (hardworking still included), is more than enough.
6) Do not force destiny and fate. If its yours its yours. If its not yours, don't force it.
7) Do not break up people's family, no matter how much you want the person, or how suitable that person is for you. You will go to hell for this. Do not get entangled with married men and then break up his/her family just to be with you. No good will come out of this.
8) My dear daughter, do not be someone's mistress. I can't stress this enough. Yes, you'll get everything that his first wife can't have, but remember, you'll always be no.2 in life, and in the society's eyes. You will be scorned and shamed. Do not do this to yourself. When judgment day comes, you'll be fucked. It's only ok for someone to be the second wife, when the first wife has divorced him (not because of you), or has passed away. But either way, it is always better to find someone who has always been single. That way he'd have less emotional baggage and shit for you to handle.
9) Do not worry. When it's time to worry, it's time to worry. This is something that I've failed in life to do. I always worry beforehand and things get messy from there. I worry about the smallest things on earth. This has been passed down from my mother, and you'll most likely get it too. But I hope from young, I'd be able to teach you to be calm and open and only start worrying when you're faced with it.You have no idea how brain cells have died when I start worrying for nothing.
10) Do no evil. Do not talk bad about anyone. Only talk of the good. For whatever bad things that come out of your mouth will come back one day and bite you in the ass. There is no benefit for you to talk bad about anyone. But a good word may save a person's life. Remember that.
11) Karma. Remember what goes round comes around. You may not get the retribution.But perhaps it'll get to your closest loved ones, and I swear it will be more painful to watch your loved ones get it, than you suffering it.
12) Be grateful. To everything and everyone. Always give thanks and remember the person who has helped you before. Do not make use of a person and ditch them when you've finished using them. That is the wrong thing to do in life, and that many people are doing it. I myself am reminding myself to always be grateful to the people who have helped me.
13) My dear daughter. Do not nag at your husband. Give him his space and give him plenty of understanding. One day your nagging will lead him to leave you and cheat on you, or worse out of anger, hit you. Keep your lips tight, and only say good things to him. Try to rephrase your words and channel your advises in a positive way. Men don't take criticisms well. I learnt it the hard way.
14) My dear son, do not hit women. No matter how angry you are. Do not hit them. You can scream and shout. But do not raise your hand.
15) Do not dabble too much in gambling, smoking, taking drugs and drinking. It will cost you your family and your life. Family is all you'll ever have.
16) Do not borrow from loan sharks. In fact, if its possible, refrain from borrowing money from anybody. No one should know that you're a broke ass. The loan sharks will kill you, or worse, your family.
17) My dear daughter, it is more important to be a good wife and mother than being a career woman. When you work too hard in life, you might turn back to find that you've missed all opportunity to see your children grow up, or to pay attention to your husband or worse, marry at all. Life is about family and children. That is how it was meant to be. Let the men bring home the bacon. You can always be his adviser. If he truly loves and respects you, he'll give you the chance to voice out your opinions in helping improve what he does.
18) Do not trust your spouse/bf/gf 100%. Always leave 10% to yourself. You will not know when they'll hurt you.
19) Paranoia ruins everything. Try to bring some sense and logic into your thinking. I am still trying to cope with this. It's an unexplainable behaviour.
20) Always be generous. There is no point being stingy. The richest person is the person who gives the most, even if you're not literally rich.
21) Don't bother holding someone's balls when he's rich. He'll know you're only doing that because he's rich and he will either take advantage of the fact that he knows you're willing to do anything so that he can be affliated with you, or he'd despise that you only want his wealth and influences and that everything you ever plan will back fire. Help those who are in need. When they are out of the woods, they will remember you for life. That is what matters the most.
22) Always respect the elders. Always be courteous, polite and helpful, even when they're assholes most of the time. Bite your tongue and refrain from pissing the elders off. Me and your father is ok. You can talk back to us, but only with reason and logic, and not out of sheer anger. You are the product of us, and if you make other people unhappy, you will shame us, that we did not bring you up well.
23) My dear daughter, for the first few months of you dating your boyfriend, NEVER enter his room alone. Always sit in the living room, where his parents can see you. I did not bring you up so hard so that other people can call you a loose wanton. Always be familiar with the family and that they are comfortable with you, and then you can enter his room alone. Remember that. The first impressions are the most important.
24) Always treat people with respect. How you treat people outside reflects who you are. You won't go far in life if you don't show respect to anyone.
25) Always remember that everyone plays a part in life. Do not look down on people just because they are holding jobs lower than you. Do not mock toilet cleaners. For without them, you'll have to bear with unhygenic toilets in which you might contract some weird disease that makes your penis drop off or that your vagina starts oozing funny stuff. Do not mock garbage collectors, without them you'd wake up to the smell of your rubbish bin, everyday for the rest of your life. You'd be living with maggots and flies. And you'll be susceptible to things like salmonella, cholera and e.coli. No one is more superior than the other. You are all equals in this life.
26) My dear daughter, please remember that even though you're smart, do not show it - excessively. Not many people can accept the fact that a woman is smarter and more dominating than a man. And my dear son, please don't be a show off, especially if you're an empty vessel. People will laugh at you behind your back and you won't go far in life.
27) Do not judge people by their looks. But by how they treat people.: with humility, respect, gentleness and kindness.
28) Control your temper and bite your tongue. What is said cannot be unsaid. You will not regret this advise.
29) My son, do not philander. Even though it runs in the family, refrain from doing it. Your cock does not need to meet so many women.
30) My dear daughter, do not give up your virginity so quickly. At least wait till you're 21. And remember to use lots of protection!
31) My dear son, do not marry a woman just because she is beautiful. When she gets older, she has to be some sort of benefit to you. Be it helping you in your business, or being a good homemaker. Do not marry a woman whose only beautiful and sucks money from you like a leech. You will not earn money that fast to let her suck. And she will suck you dry, and not in a good way. When she gets old, you'll realise that she is good for nothing and IF she doesn't bear you a child, you can dump her. Yes, your mother is that realistic.
32) Learn to save money. My grandfather once told my mother, and my mother told me, it doesn't matter how much you earn, if you can't learn how to save, you're fucked.
33) Do not be greedy. Enough is enough.
34) Refrain from killing, unless it attacks you eg. mosquitoes etc. If it's there and it does you no harm, leave it alone.
35) Do not steal. You do not need to resort to doing that. We're are not dirt poor, and even if we're poor, we have dignity.
36) At the end, the race is only with yourself. Do not compare yourself to others. You would not know what they're going through.
37) Remember you do not need many friends, only a handful is enough to get by.
38) Remember that people are ALWAYS judging you. Always put on your best front and don't give them any room to find fault in you. Always be neutral and side no one. This will save you alot of trouble.
39) Do not engage yourself in politics of any sort. It is time wasting and you won't benefit from it, unless you're the mastermind of it all and benefit from all the monopolizing. If you're just doing it for the fame and not for the good of the country and society, please. Do not associate yourself with all these fiasco.
40) Do not step on people and ruin their lives on your way up. Remember when you come down, you have to meet them again. Always rethink your steps to take in life.
41) My dear son, when you're married please refrain from all the night life activities. remember you have a wife and family at home waiting for you. Go home and be with them. Life is short. Remember that.
42) Stay away from get rich schemes/multi level marketing. In the end you'll lose more money than you earn. And you'll lose everyone close to you. They will run away from you as if you're the plague.
43) Always have compassion and empathy. Do not be cold hearted. When you're in the person's position, you'll be praying that he'd have compassion and empathy too.
44) When your father and I are old, please do not throw us in the old folks home. Remember that when you were young that we were always there for you. Please always be there for us. And when we're naggy, don't fight us, just listen and try to understand. we'll forget it in a while when we get much older. And we won't be with you forever. We never found you a nuisance when you were young, please do not find us unbearable when we're old. We gave you everything we could. We now only need your time and love. Nothing else.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Rambles of nothing
I'm seriously thinking of opening classes for lil kids who wants to learn arts and craft, piano and english.
I personally feel that it would help me with my emotional growth and over all as a human being contributing to the society.
All these 9-6 rat race of life just makes me realise that it's not worth it, its not what I want, and its not fulfilling.
It's stressful, I have to face shit, pick up other people's shit and clean them.
I've always wanted to teach, but my mother strongly disagrees against it as it's not as glamourous as being a high flying lawyer who can spit on people. Irony, she's a teacher herself.
My job isn't glamorous. I'm not upholding peace NOR justice. Instead, I'm just helping people claim money after being involved in personal accidents. Not that it isn't fulfilling, it is at some point. But when you know that you earn peanuts when your boss draws about 100k a month from your hard work, it just feels like child slavery. Plus you have to face with all these disgruntled (rightly so) people everyday with missing limbs etc.
My job pays the bills (barely), and I can't complain so far but I'm not exactly over the moon and head and heels in love with my job. Hopefully the boss will see that I'm freaking poor and can't even afford to have a car.
ANYWAY. wonder whats the market like out there for parents who wants their kids to acquire some creativity and aesthetic skills? I would love to teach english too to kids up to SPM or O Levels. I'm good enough for that. Plus, I can also teach piano la, but thats only on the side for people who aren't interested in taking exams. I can't be arsed to sit for the damn qualifying paper to teach people and register them for exams. I think having a Grade 8 in ABRSM suffices for that.
Aiya, boils down to me being a lazy ass and not wanting to see people's face when I work la (no one wants to be subject to anyone's superiority at work, but SHIT HAPPENS anyway).
However, I'm extremely diligent when it comes to making breakfast and waking up super early to cook for the one I love. I love being at home and generally tidying the house and decorating it. people who have seen my room would beg to differ. But that's different. I'm only able to extent my creativity in my small room and not to the whole house. And my room's too small to contain my shit! HAHAHAHA.
Aih. It's friday. I've totally lost all energy to work. Good thing Jessabella's post came in today, I got my dress for Ern's birthday tmr! I will be making her a buttercream fondant cake with white icing, pink ribbon and lil yellow ducks! Plus I previously had already been to Chinatown and gotten her some birthday decorations and balloons etcetc. I'm such a great aunt. Hopefully next time she grows up she'll be close to me and take care of me when I'm old! Hahahahahahaha.
I would love to have a daughter next time, then I can dress up her and teach her all the good values in life and instill in her that it's better to be more of a housewife than a career woman. It's not good to have stress in life, the side effects will eventually kill you! Hahaha.
Have to start making her little fondant ducks tonight. Wish me luck!!!!
I personally feel that it would help me with my emotional growth and over all as a human being contributing to the society.
All these 9-6 rat race of life just makes me realise that it's not worth it, its not what I want, and its not fulfilling.
It's stressful, I have to face shit, pick up other people's shit and clean them.
I've always wanted to teach, but my mother strongly disagrees against it as it's not as glamourous as being a high flying lawyer who can spit on people. Irony, she's a teacher herself.
My job isn't glamorous. I'm not upholding peace NOR justice. Instead, I'm just helping people claim money after being involved in personal accidents. Not that it isn't fulfilling, it is at some point. But when you know that you earn peanuts when your boss draws about 100k a month from your hard work, it just feels like child slavery. Plus you have to face with all these disgruntled (rightly so) people everyday with missing limbs etc.
My job pays the bills (barely), and I can't complain so far but I'm not exactly over the moon and head and heels in love with my job. Hopefully the boss will see that I'm freaking poor and can't even afford to have a car.
ANYWAY. wonder whats the market like out there for parents who wants their kids to acquire some creativity and aesthetic skills? I would love to teach english too to kids up to SPM or O Levels. I'm good enough for that. Plus, I can also teach piano la, but thats only on the side for people who aren't interested in taking exams. I can't be arsed to sit for the damn qualifying paper to teach people and register them for exams. I think having a Grade 8 in ABRSM suffices for that.
Aiya, boils down to me being a lazy ass and not wanting to see people's face when I work la (no one wants to be subject to anyone's superiority at work, but SHIT HAPPENS anyway).
However, I'm extremely diligent when it comes to making breakfast and waking up super early to cook for the one I love. I love being at home and generally tidying the house and decorating it. people who have seen my room would beg to differ. But that's different. I'm only able to extent my creativity in my small room and not to the whole house. And my room's too small to contain my shit! HAHAHAHA.
Aih. It's friday. I've totally lost all energy to work. Good thing Jessabella's post came in today, I got my dress for Ern's birthday tmr! I will be making her a buttercream fondant cake with white icing, pink ribbon and lil yellow ducks! Plus I previously had already been to Chinatown and gotten her some birthday decorations and balloons etcetc. I'm such a great aunt. Hopefully next time she grows up she'll be close to me and take care of me when I'm old! Hahahahahahaha.
I would love to have a daughter next time, then I can dress up her and teach her all the good values in life and instill in her that it's better to be more of a housewife than a career woman. It's not good to have stress in life, the side effects will eventually kill you! Hahaha.
Have to start making her little fondant ducks tonight. Wish me luck!!!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Women, Know this!
There's several things that lots of ladies out there failed to realise. I'm here to break it gently to you :
a) Don't act so haolian when you're carrying your LV, Gucci, Ted Baker etc etc etc. No one cares if you're carrying a branded bag and they might even suspect you buying contrabands so if you're humble and carrying a branded bag you open yourself up for less or no criticisms. You can buy that bag, others also can buy ok. NO BIG DEAL. Later your bag kena snatch and before that you act so haolian parading around, people will only laugh at you and say, PADAN MUKA. who ask you to show off your bag in public? Don't say I didn't tell you so.
b) You're not as fat as you think. If you're size 16 and above and you complain that you're fat, ok, I give it to you, you can berate about your life till the cows come home. But if you're size 10 and below and you complain that you're fat and so uber depressed about it, I WILL SIT ON YOU. That is not even a baseless scare. That is a formal warning. I hate seeing skinny girls complaining about their flat tummys and pulling at their skins on their arms and thighs, SKIN I TELL YOU. Theres not even fats that they're pulling. WTF man, are you just dumb or are you just blatantly rubbing your flat tummies and skinny arms in my face????? Lao niang will suffocate you with my big ass.
c) Not all men can provide you with money, loyalty, look like Jerry Yan and a home. They can only provide you with 1 out of 4. or 2 out of 4 if you're really lucky. The perfect man that you're waiting for does not exist. And if he DOES exist, do you think he'll be with you? Do you actually think that he'll actually notice you? Have you even looked yourself in the mirror? Do you look anything like Cheryl Cole? If no, please do not expect men that ticks all your categories to look at you. Even if he looks at you and picks you, don't expect him to keep all his sexiness and handsomeness to himself!
d) If you haven looked yourself in the mirror and evaluated your self worth, don't go berating men who rejected you. Have you even tried tweezing your bush of an eyebrow or wearing a skirt? You fantasise about men you watch in korean and japanese dramas and you come back to reality and expect the same out of our own slobbery men. HOW CAN? They never expected you to pop right out of the playboy magazine, I feel that you shouldn't expect them to do things that you want them to.
Example. You want a man whose like those of the fairytale love stories in korean dramas. They want you to only be in the kitchen all day, and when they come home they expect you to be naked lying on the bed with double Ds and still be able to put a feast on the table. Are both parties able to live up to the expectations? I didnt think so!
e) Don't expect people to pull doors open for you, allow you to cut queue etc when you don't look like Katy Perry. The world is this superficial. Stop whining that just because you're a woman men should automatically kowtow to you. You should know by now that there are more assholes then gentlemen. And men love pretty things. So when you realise you need to flirt and be pretty to get your way in life, the whinings will automatically decrease.
f) If you're fat, or have fats in places that are OTT, please don't wear things that make them bulge out even worse. And also please don't wear gunny sacks. You know those big bags of clothes that makes you look like a sack of shapeless potatoes? If you're unhappy with your shape, get a corset or seomthing that squeezes the unnatural fat dispositions into a shape! You have to realise that there are many women out to sabotage you and by that when they say you look great even though you feel like you look like shit, they are actually hoping you look like crap so other men look at them instead of you. Trust your gut instinct. This however, also only applies to women who have the correct gut instinct. Not all fashion is wearable. Just because they were on the walkways, doesn't mean its pleasing to the eyes. Just, just don't wear something that doesn't compliment you. I may not be a fashionista, and by God I've committed some of the most terrible fashion crimes on earth, but now at least I know what to stay away from! Lol
g) Buying all those fat-free products doesn't make you any slimmer. It's tricking yourself to thinking that you're eating all those fat-free things. And lets face it, most companies put the word fat-free there to lure idiots to buy them. They are equally loaded with the same amount of sugar or fat, or even worse, other chemicals and trans-blabla that make you think its the same as the normal things you eat. Thats by far worse than ingesting fats into your body. Thats how people get so much cancer and such. PLUS they charge you more for fat-free stuff. I'm just thinking you're just paying extra for poison that you're eating. Might as well cook it yourself or make it yourself! Much healthier.
h) Please don't whine to your friends when you're secretly happy about your life and want to rub it in their faces. It's actually very obvious what you're trying to do and it makes them feel worse. Just be happy about your life and they'll feel happy for you. Unless that thing you're whining about really is morally wrong, then please don't. Happy things should be kept happy. Don't try to sour-coat it. If they really are your friends, you'll naturally know that they feel happy for you..
i) I once saw a girl who tried to make her eyes look bigger by enlarging her eyes all the time before taking pictures. Now she looks like a mortified/petrified character out of Tim Burton's scary ass cartoon movies. It's that ugly. I believe that if she had relaxed her eye muscles she would have looked so much prettier. Shes really the butt of all my ugly jokes now. I don't understand why you have to FORCE yourself to be beautiful. In a way you already are. If you're that unhappy (like me), just put la eye shadow, mascara, fake eye lashes and all. Don't have to stretch your muscles so far kan? It must be damn tiring to be her lor. Sad.
j) If you think your ass looks big in that skirt or jeans, it probably is. Don't need to ask others for 2nd opinions that you want to hear. And don't bully your poor bf into telling you things that you want to hear and then fucking him up for lying in your face. WTF do you want man!?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!?!!?
k) Please learn how to cook. It's very useful for you : self independence, pleasing your in laws, husband/bf, and children. Its only a baser instinct for being a mother. Even men are better at cooking. Shame on you! Its like how you expect men to know how to fix a light bulb!
l) Stop glaring at other women who are obviously prettier than you, and also stop laughing at women who are inferior to you. It sickens me to know that there are several of you out there that are like this. Each to its own. I'm sure you have something to hide and that you've hidden it well, not everyone knows your flaws. You're not perfect. Don't judge others by their looks unless you want the same done to you.
m) Concealer is good for you if you have blemished skin. If you're going to be out in public where 90% of the population is going to staring at your scary ass acned skin, please, for the love of humanity, put on some make up. Seriously no man wants women with terribly acned skin. When I was younger I had such bad acne, I had no bfs. And when I learnt how to cover them up, men slowly started coming into my life. True story. Men are superficial assholes.
n) Don't be too churchy/holy. I know that only a certain group of men (aka church go-ers) would approve of this attitude. It's good to have God in your life and praise his ways, but to overdo it is another matter. Then instead of the pious girl that you want to be, you'll fondly be remembered as the crazy church virgin who can't get married because she drowns men in bible verses. No joke. If you're old and still want to reproduce, and men in church obviously aren't going to marry you for reasons best known to themselves, keep the prayers and bible teachings and all the praise the lord antics to yourself (ie confinements of your room when you're alone). Remember, God helps those who helps themselves. He will always know if you're faithful to him. He doesn't have to hear you speak the words of the Bible to everyone you see. Just act normal. Nothing out of the norm, and you'll be fine....
o) If you have too many cats, hamsters, posters of anime, posters of boy bands, prepare yourself for spinsterhood.
p) men love women who are obedient, cook, wash, iron their clothes and serve them in bed. Anything other than that is unnecessary - especially in our traditional asian culture. If you're thinking of marrying a Malaysian man, mostly likely you'd have to stick to my 5 golden rules as aforementioned, and you're set for life - no matter how you look like. Men want to come home to good cooked food, clean floors and toilets, clean crisp shirts and plenty of sex. They do not want to : a) see papers and files lying around b) hear about your boringly painful day at work and about the gossips flying around your office c) have to do the house chores together with you (that is YOUR DUTY). d) have to run out again to buy dinner e) beg you for sex and then get rejected and then have to 'tam' you back because you get angry at him for asking for sex.
q) If the size doesn't fit, don't buy it. don't buy things that you hope you'll slim down to fit into. Same goes for shoes. If it doesn't fit, it never will.
r) excessive petty tantrums does not get you far in life. Blackmail does.
a) Don't act so haolian when you're carrying your LV, Gucci, Ted Baker etc etc etc. No one cares if you're carrying a branded bag and they might even suspect you buying contrabands so if you're humble and carrying a branded bag you open yourself up for less or no criticisms. You can buy that bag, others also can buy ok. NO BIG DEAL. Later your bag kena snatch and before that you act so haolian parading around, people will only laugh at you and say, PADAN MUKA. who ask you to show off your bag in public? Don't say I didn't tell you so.
b) You're not as fat as you think. If you're size 16 and above and you complain that you're fat, ok, I give it to you, you can berate about your life till the cows come home. But if you're size 10 and below and you complain that you're fat and so uber depressed about it, I WILL SIT ON YOU. That is not even a baseless scare. That is a formal warning. I hate seeing skinny girls complaining about their flat tummys and pulling at their skins on their arms and thighs, SKIN I TELL YOU. Theres not even fats that they're pulling. WTF man, are you just dumb or are you just blatantly rubbing your flat tummies and skinny arms in my face????? Lao niang will suffocate you with my big ass.
c) Not all men can provide you with money, loyalty, look like Jerry Yan and a home. They can only provide you with 1 out of 4. or 2 out of 4 if you're really lucky. The perfect man that you're waiting for does not exist. And if he DOES exist, do you think he'll be with you? Do you actually think that he'll actually notice you? Have you even looked yourself in the mirror? Do you look anything like Cheryl Cole? If no, please do not expect men that ticks all your categories to look at you. Even if he looks at you and picks you, don't expect him to keep all his sexiness and handsomeness to himself!
d) If you haven looked yourself in the mirror and evaluated your self worth, don't go berating men who rejected you. Have you even tried tweezing your bush of an eyebrow or wearing a skirt? You fantasise about men you watch in korean and japanese dramas and you come back to reality and expect the same out of our own slobbery men. HOW CAN? They never expected you to pop right out of the playboy magazine, I feel that you shouldn't expect them to do things that you want them to.
Example. You want a man whose like those of the fairytale love stories in korean dramas. They want you to only be in the kitchen all day, and when they come home they expect you to be naked lying on the bed with double Ds and still be able to put a feast on the table. Are both parties able to live up to the expectations? I didnt think so!
e) Don't expect people to pull doors open for you, allow you to cut queue etc when you don't look like Katy Perry. The world is this superficial. Stop whining that just because you're a woman men should automatically kowtow to you. You should know by now that there are more assholes then gentlemen. And men love pretty things. So when you realise you need to flirt and be pretty to get your way in life, the whinings will automatically decrease.
f) If you're fat, or have fats in places that are OTT, please don't wear things that make them bulge out even worse. And also please don't wear gunny sacks. You know those big bags of clothes that makes you look like a sack of shapeless potatoes? If you're unhappy with your shape, get a corset or seomthing that squeezes the unnatural fat dispositions into a shape! You have to realise that there are many women out to sabotage you and by that when they say you look great even though you feel like you look like shit, they are actually hoping you look like crap so other men look at them instead of you. Trust your gut instinct. This however, also only applies to women who have the correct gut instinct. Not all fashion is wearable. Just because they were on the walkways, doesn't mean its pleasing to the eyes. Just, just don't wear something that doesn't compliment you. I may not be a fashionista, and by God I've committed some of the most terrible fashion crimes on earth, but now at least I know what to stay away from! Lol
g) Buying all those fat-free products doesn't make you any slimmer. It's tricking yourself to thinking that you're eating all those fat-free things. And lets face it, most companies put the word fat-free there to lure idiots to buy them. They are equally loaded with the same amount of sugar or fat, or even worse, other chemicals and trans-blabla that make you think its the same as the normal things you eat. Thats by far worse than ingesting fats into your body. Thats how people get so much cancer and such. PLUS they charge you more for fat-free stuff. I'm just thinking you're just paying extra for poison that you're eating. Might as well cook it yourself or make it yourself! Much healthier.
h) Please don't whine to your friends when you're secretly happy about your life and want to rub it in their faces. It's actually very obvious what you're trying to do and it makes them feel worse. Just be happy about your life and they'll feel happy for you. Unless that thing you're whining about really is morally wrong, then please don't. Happy things should be kept happy. Don't try to sour-coat it. If they really are your friends, you'll naturally know that they feel happy for you..
i) I once saw a girl who tried to make her eyes look bigger by enlarging her eyes all the time before taking pictures. Now she looks like a mortified/petrified character out of Tim Burton's scary ass cartoon movies. It's that ugly. I believe that if she had relaxed her eye muscles she would have looked so much prettier. Shes really the butt of all my ugly jokes now. I don't understand why you have to FORCE yourself to be beautiful. In a way you already are. If you're that unhappy (like me), just put la eye shadow, mascara, fake eye lashes and all. Don't have to stretch your muscles so far kan? It must be damn tiring to be her lor. Sad.
j) If you think your ass looks big in that skirt or jeans, it probably is. Don't need to ask others for 2nd opinions that you want to hear. And don't bully your poor bf into telling you things that you want to hear and then fucking him up for lying in your face. WTF do you want man!?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!?!!?
k) Please learn how to cook. It's very useful for you : self independence, pleasing your in laws, husband/bf, and children. Its only a baser instinct for being a mother. Even men are better at cooking. Shame on you! Its like how you expect men to know how to fix a light bulb!
l) Stop glaring at other women who are obviously prettier than you, and also stop laughing at women who are inferior to you. It sickens me to know that there are several of you out there that are like this. Each to its own. I'm sure you have something to hide and that you've hidden it well, not everyone knows your flaws. You're not perfect. Don't judge others by their looks unless you want the same done to you.
m) Concealer is good for you if you have blemished skin. If you're going to be out in public where 90% of the population is going to staring at your scary ass acned skin, please, for the love of humanity, put on some make up. Seriously no man wants women with terribly acned skin. When I was younger I had such bad acne, I had no bfs. And when I learnt how to cover them up, men slowly started coming into my life. True story. Men are superficial assholes.
n) Don't be too churchy/holy. I know that only a certain group of men (aka church go-ers) would approve of this attitude. It's good to have God in your life and praise his ways, but to overdo it is another matter. Then instead of the pious girl that you want to be, you'll fondly be remembered as the crazy church virgin who can't get married because she drowns men in bible verses. No joke. If you're old and still want to reproduce, and men in church obviously aren't going to marry you for reasons best known to themselves, keep the prayers and bible teachings and all the praise the lord antics to yourself (ie confinements of your room when you're alone). Remember, God helps those who helps themselves. He will always know if you're faithful to him. He doesn't have to hear you speak the words of the Bible to everyone you see. Just act normal. Nothing out of the norm, and you'll be fine....
o) If you have too many cats, hamsters, posters of anime, posters of boy bands, prepare yourself for spinsterhood.
p) men love women who are obedient, cook, wash, iron their clothes and serve them in bed. Anything other than that is unnecessary - especially in our traditional asian culture. If you're thinking of marrying a Malaysian man, mostly likely you'd have to stick to my 5 golden rules as aforementioned, and you're set for life - no matter how you look like. Men want to come home to good cooked food, clean floors and toilets, clean crisp shirts and plenty of sex. They do not want to : a) see papers and files lying around b) hear about your boringly painful day at work and about the gossips flying around your office c) have to do the house chores together with you (that is YOUR DUTY). d) have to run out again to buy dinner e) beg you for sex and then get rejected and then have to 'tam' you back because you get angry at him for asking for sex.
q) If the size doesn't fit, don't buy it. don't buy things that you hope you'll slim down to fit into. Same goes for shoes. If it doesn't fit, it never will.
r) excessive petty tantrums does not get you far in life. Blackmail does.
Monday, August 16, 2010
A letter to my dead girlfriend
Read this on the internet and its just really sad.... and painful.
Date: 2009-10-25, 1:36PM CDT
It has been a rough year darling. The ethereal power of Craig�s List will get this message to you I am sure, like in some sort of cheesy 80s movie.
Well back to the last year, you of course died at the beginning of it which put things to a sour start. I spent last night with your mum and dad, we went to that Italian place in Wicker Park, who on the surface seem to be coping. I had everyone get together for my 25th which went well, your ladies are on top form and I think some engagements are brewing. Ellen is turning up the heat on Steve who will soon be forced down to one knee as you predicted.
Last weekend I finally took the step of cleaning out your clothes from the closet, which is very barren now. I invited your friends over to take your what they liked, it was an awkward session. I think they took them more as a favor to me than anything else. Liz cried when we pulled out all of your shoes, Miranda joined in and then Catherine broke down. It was strange to stand in our bedroom surrounded by three crying girls. I made a joke about them crying for joy at the prospect of some free Manolo Balhniks which they didn�t seem to find very funny.
A few girls have put the moves on and as you know picking up women is not a forte of mine. It seems the grieving boyfriend seems to be a good angle. Who knew! I went on one date and spent it talking about you, the poor girl. You would have found it quite witty I think. No other dates to report, I am going against your orders to move on for now.
I found one of those hair tie things that somehow managed to squeeze into every crevice in the apartment. It was under the bed. I sat on the floor holding it and cried. Until then I had held everything together but it just all came flooding out.
Every morning when I wake up I forget for a fraction of a second that you are gone and I reach for you. All I ever find is the cold side of the bed. My eyes settle on the picture of us in Paris, on the bedside table, and I am overjoyed that even though the time was brief I loved you and you loved me.
Love,
P.
A letter to my dead girlfriend - m4w
Date: 2009-10-25, 1:36PM CDT
It has been a rough year darling. The ethereal power of Craig�s List will get this message to you I am sure, like in some sort of cheesy 80s movie.
Well back to the last year, you of course died at the beginning of it which put things to a sour start. I spent last night with your mum and dad, we went to that Italian place in Wicker Park, who on the surface seem to be coping. I had everyone get together for my 25th which went well, your ladies are on top form and I think some engagements are brewing. Ellen is turning up the heat on Steve who will soon be forced down to one knee as you predicted.
Last weekend I finally took the step of cleaning out your clothes from the closet, which is very barren now. I invited your friends over to take your what they liked, it was an awkward session. I think they took them more as a favor to me than anything else. Liz cried when we pulled out all of your shoes, Miranda joined in and then Catherine broke down. It was strange to stand in our bedroom surrounded by three crying girls. I made a joke about them crying for joy at the prospect of some free Manolo Balhniks which they didn�t seem to find very funny.
A few girls have put the moves on and as you know picking up women is not a forte of mine. It seems the grieving boyfriend seems to be a good angle. Who knew! I went on one date and spent it talking about you, the poor girl. You would have found it quite witty I think. No other dates to report, I am going against your orders to move on for now.
I found one of those hair tie things that somehow managed to squeeze into every crevice in the apartment. It was under the bed. I sat on the floor holding it and cried. Until then I had held everything together but it just all came flooding out.
Every morning when I wake up I forget for a fraction of a second that you are gone and I reach for you. All I ever find is the cold side of the bed. My eyes settle on the picture of us in Paris, on the bedside table, and I am overjoyed that even though the time was brief I loved you and you loved me.
Love,
P.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The Mother of all quizzical Questions that no one knows why.
This would be the mother of all quizzical questions that no one knows why.
Even the mystery of which came first, the chicken or the egg, has been cracked. And this. This has yet to be known as to WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
WHY?~!!!!!!!!????????????????????????
WHY DO OLD SINGAPOREANS DRIVE LIKE FUCK IN MALAYSIA?
Note: this is only referred to singaporeans who drive like fuck in msia. If you don't drive like fuck, or don't think u drive like fuck, then its not you. Very subjective topic as to whether you knowingly know that you're a shitty driver or not. Or you're just oblivious about the whole thing. ANYWAY!
Note : this also only refers to a portion of the singaporean chinese. the malays drive fantastically. some of the indians do as well. but generallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly. chinese. you. suck.at.driving.
To continue with my analysis of this shockingly rude mystery. Why do singaporeans drive well in singapore, and come into malaysia and drive like fuck?
is it
a) this is to release all their pent up stress of having to drive in an orderly manner on all singapore roads for if they shall default in their actions, they will be heavily compounded and have demerit points off their already negative marks.
b) those who drive like fuck in malaysia also drives like fuck in singapore. so if one is going to drive like fuck, might as well drive like fuck in a lawless place in malaysia where violence and road rage prevails over the armed forces.
c) they've actually entered into the magical closet known as the customs immigration and magically appeared in Marnia (Malaysian narnia) where all roads lead to the ice queen and are slippery, dangerous, and filled with goat-men.
d) they think they are our lao pek and can drive like it is their roads. Somemore can show us cibai face when we honk them for driving like fucks. SHOW US LANJIAO FACE SOMEMORE.
e) they think they are more superior than us. and that they can drive however they want and we don't dare to bang them just because their car shinier than ours, we cannot afford to pay compensation. well guess what fuckers, THERE IS NO LAW THAT YOU CAN CLAIM AGAINST US WHEN YOU'RE IN OUR TERRITORY DRIVING LIKE FUCK AND KENA SCRATCH/BANG! boooooooooooooooooooooooooyah. learn this. you have been warned. there is nothing you can do about the law when it comes to claiming from our insurance companies. and like our system here. WE HAVE NO SYSTEM.
f) they actually have no licenses. So when they come out of the customs, they switch palce with the original drivers, just to have a go at driving and since malaysia has no law, no one will catch them. YES THAT IS TRUE. BUT WE WILL SCRATCH YOUR CAR AND PUNCTURE YOUR TYRES IF YOU PUSH US OFF THE EDGE. i suspect alot of these people are still in the process of getting their licenses and where else to practices besides malaysia? then when they come over they realise they're fucked because everyones an agressive driver here.
You fuckers really haven kena beaten up yet. then when kena beaten up say its us who are violent and boh tak chek. when you yourself drive like cibai like that. linabeh beh hiao hua chia mai lai malaysia la. hua kana lanjiao nia. limpeh PUIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. kanasai. license min chai si buay teng lai eh simi si.
to be honest, i am fine with singaporeans. but its when we're rushing to places, and you're in the express lane driving like an old woman and braking at every fucking nothing, is what pisses us off. you have no sense of hearing when you hear us honking away and flashing our highlights. and oh you guys are so oblivious to the laws of the roads.
Please if you're going to drive like fuck, dont do it here. go back to singapore and drive. if you're not confident in your driving, take the public transport FFS. our crazy bus drivers who gets into accidents every now and then drives better than you!
And we apologise profusely should we have any of our drivers driving like cock in singapore. we really do. of course they are minorities in singapore because its just so bloody expensive to even go into SG. $20 fucking dollars to just enter. and thats not even incl the ERP. And you guys only need to pay less than RM3 to come into malaysia. stupid customs. don't even know what they're thinking.
So please, someone tell me, why is JB swarmed with singaporean drivers whos licenses we suspect are bought with undertable money? It's like driving schools teach you nothing at all!
Even the mystery of which came first, the chicken or the egg, has been cracked. And this. This has yet to be known as to WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
WHY?~!!!!!!!!????????????????????????
WHY DO OLD SINGAPOREANS DRIVE LIKE FUCK IN MALAYSIA?
Note: this is only referred to singaporeans who drive like fuck in msia. If you don't drive like fuck, or don't think u drive like fuck, then its not you. Very subjective topic as to whether you knowingly know that you're a shitty driver or not. Or you're just oblivious about the whole thing. ANYWAY!
Note : this also only refers to a portion of the singaporean chinese. the malays drive fantastically. some of the indians do as well. but generallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly. chinese. you. suck.at.driving.
To continue with my analysis of this shockingly rude mystery. Why do singaporeans drive well in singapore, and come into malaysia and drive like fuck?
is it
a) this is to release all their pent up stress of having to drive in an orderly manner on all singapore roads for if they shall default in their actions, they will be heavily compounded and have demerit points off their already negative marks.
b) those who drive like fuck in malaysia also drives like fuck in singapore. so if one is going to drive like fuck, might as well drive like fuck in a lawless place in malaysia where violence and road rage prevails over the armed forces.
c) they've actually entered into the magical closet known as the customs immigration and magically appeared in Marnia (Malaysian narnia) where all roads lead to the ice queen and are slippery, dangerous, and filled with goat-men.
d) they think they are our lao pek and can drive like it is their roads. Somemore can show us cibai face when we honk them for driving like fucks. SHOW US LANJIAO FACE SOMEMORE.
e) they think they are more superior than us. and that they can drive however they want and we don't dare to bang them just because their car shinier than ours, we cannot afford to pay compensation. well guess what fuckers, THERE IS NO LAW THAT YOU CAN CLAIM AGAINST US WHEN YOU'RE IN OUR TERRITORY DRIVING LIKE FUCK AND KENA SCRATCH/BANG! boooooooooooooooooooooooooyah. learn this. you have been warned. there is nothing you can do about the law when it comes to claiming from our insurance companies. and like our system here. WE HAVE NO SYSTEM.
f) they actually have no licenses. So when they come out of the customs, they switch palce with the original drivers, just to have a go at driving and since malaysia has no law, no one will catch them. YES THAT IS TRUE. BUT WE WILL SCRATCH YOUR CAR AND PUNCTURE YOUR TYRES IF YOU PUSH US OFF THE EDGE. i suspect alot of these people are still in the process of getting their licenses and where else to practices besides malaysia? then when they come over they realise they're fucked because everyones an agressive driver here.
You fuckers really haven kena beaten up yet. then when kena beaten up say its us who are violent and boh tak chek. when you yourself drive like cibai like that. linabeh beh hiao hua chia mai lai malaysia la. hua kana lanjiao nia. limpeh PUIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. kanasai. license min chai si buay teng lai eh simi si.
to be honest, i am fine with singaporeans. but its when we're rushing to places, and you're in the express lane driving like an old woman and braking at every fucking nothing, is what pisses us off. you have no sense of hearing when you hear us honking away and flashing our highlights. and oh you guys are so oblivious to the laws of the roads.
Please if you're going to drive like fuck, dont do it here. go back to singapore and drive. if you're not confident in your driving, take the public transport FFS. our crazy bus drivers who gets into accidents every now and then drives better than you!
And we apologise profusely should we have any of our drivers driving like cock in singapore. we really do. of course they are minorities in singapore because its just so bloody expensive to even go into SG. $20 fucking dollars to just enter. and thats not even incl the ERP. And you guys only need to pay less than RM3 to come into malaysia. stupid customs. don't even know what they're thinking.
So please, someone tell me, why is JB swarmed with singaporean drivers whos licenses we suspect are bought with undertable money? It's like driving schools teach you nothing at all!
Say FROG!
She should be my prodige.................................... How come Ern isn't this cool!??!!?!?!?!?
If I could have it my way.....
.....I'd make sure that work starts at 10am, and ends at 2pm. And still get paid in full!
.....the working week would only last 3 days. tues till thurs.
..... Anything below an XL would be made an invalid size, and needs to be specially tailored. HAH!
.....all imported cars would have an RM80,000.00 cap.
.....All long distance travel buses would be banned. Promoting flights, saves time and promote efficiency and cut down on road traffic accidents.
.....Singaporeans would not be allowed to drive in Malaysia. EVER.
.....cosmetic surgery would be so much more affordable. Like the price of the most expensive facial you've ever gotten.
.....alot of the customs immigration officials would be fired and burnt.
.....alcoholic shots would be capped at RM5.00 and not watered down. Beer would be RM7.00 per pint. Everything would be in pint glasses and not mugs.
.....idiots wearing snow boots and winter shawls in this fucking weather would be shot.
.....assholes wearing glasses in clubs thinking they're as cool as Usher would have their eyes gouged out.
......Jho Low would be my best friend.
......animal cruelty would result in death penalty.
......hudud law would be highly enforced. eg. rapists would have their penises whacked off, robbers and theives would have both hands chopped off.
.....have the customs thoroughly check the singaporeans car just as how they thoroughly check ours at their customs.
.....the steel-rice-bowl workers would not be lazing around waiting for their boss to feed them. bums.
.....there'd be another chatchujat in JB.
.....offices would have built in beds on the walls so we can nap whenever we're tired during break times.
.....annoying insurance sellers would be dead.
.....slow drivers and/or terrible drivers will be shot dead as well.
.....memory erasing would be widely popular.
.....old folks homes and orphanages would have a better living standard.
.....people who neglect their parents and chuck them in old folks homes would have their own kids legally kidnap and starved until they take back their parents and treat them the way they should. they would also be monitored 247.
.....people would be legally able to kill their other half if caught cheating or in compromising positions.
.....there would be more KFCs than MCDs.
.....women would be able to get (an) off day(s) when they're menstruating.
.....alcohol would be created to make you high, and not hung over.
.....there would be no charges for women taking advantage of men in whatsoever manner.
.....mash potatos would replace rice.
.....the working week would only last 3 days. tues till thurs.
..... Anything below an XL would be made an invalid size, and needs to be specially tailored. HAH!
.....all imported cars would have an RM80,000.00 cap.
.....All long distance travel buses would be banned. Promoting flights, saves time and promote efficiency and cut down on road traffic accidents.
.....Singaporeans would not be allowed to drive in Malaysia. EVER.
.....cosmetic surgery would be so much more affordable. Like the price of the most expensive facial you've ever gotten.
.....alot of the customs immigration officials would be fired and burnt.
.....alcoholic shots would be capped at RM5.00 and not watered down. Beer would be RM7.00 per pint. Everything would be in pint glasses and not mugs.
.....idiots wearing snow boots and winter shawls in this fucking weather would be shot.
.....assholes wearing glasses in clubs thinking they're as cool as Usher would have their eyes gouged out.
......Jho Low would be my best friend.
......animal cruelty would result in death penalty.
......hudud law would be highly enforced. eg. rapists would have their penises whacked off, robbers and theives would have both hands chopped off.
.....have the customs thoroughly check the singaporeans car just as how they thoroughly check ours at their customs.
.....the steel-rice-bowl workers would not be lazing around waiting for their boss to feed them. bums.
.....there'd be another chatchujat in JB.
.....offices would have built in beds on the walls so we can nap whenever we're tired during break times.
.....annoying insurance sellers would be dead.
.....slow drivers and/or terrible drivers will be shot dead as well.
.....memory erasing would be widely popular.
.....old folks homes and orphanages would have a better living standard.
.....people who neglect their parents and chuck them in old folks homes would have their own kids legally kidnap and starved until they take back their parents and treat them the way they should. they would also be monitored 247.
.....people would be legally able to kill their other half if caught cheating or in compromising positions.
.....there would be more KFCs than MCDs.
.....women would be able to get (an) off day(s) when they're menstruating.
.....alcohol would be created to make you high, and not hung over.
.....there would be no charges for women taking advantage of men in whatsoever manner.
.....mash potatos would replace rice.
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