I know one should always do stuff and help without asking for any rewards or compensation. God knows I have done so much for everyone that I love.

But it doesn't hurt once in a while to have someone mutter thanks to you.

Especially from your own family.

Oh so the prodigal golden son does something right you all call for a celebration. Then you say hes the best kid cos he returns you money. Guess what? I don't owe you money (after I started working)!

WTF?

Do you all not want me at all? Do I have to suffer just because I'm a girl instead of a boy? Is it my obligation and duty just to serve my family without a word or act of gratitude? Whatever I do, there's always criticism attached to it. Why not enough egg? Why is the egg not as nice as yours? Why you never help me park the car in? WTF ? WTF DO I OWE YOU?

Why the fuck do I have to be a second mother to your sons? Why can't I be pampered? Why? What have I done wrong? WTF?

When they are irresponsible, you keep mum about it. When I buy another pair of shoes, with MY OWN MONEY, you fuck me up about it. KNOW YOUR FUCKING PRIORITIES, FOR FUCKS SAKE. You yourself know what I've done for the family compared to others. I know its not a competition and the things I do out of love for you all. But it feels I'm getting the short end of the stick.

Fuck I'm pissed off at the world. Every little decision, proclamation that my parents give hurts me to the core. They not only excluded my existence, they also wallpapered me when the golden child is around. Yes, I may not be as intelligent as him. Yes, I may not have the gift of the gab. And yes, I may have some weight problems. Doesn't mean you are allowed to make me feel like an unwanted child. I do not hate him, but I feel so overshadowed when he is around. It hurts me when my parents don't understand how much I love them.

I don't know. I'm just so upset.

sigh.