How to know if he's the one?

Inspired by my question posted on facebook (refer to post below), I decided to Google my answers (because you know, life's answers are ALWAYS found on Google, and mostly wiki).

Anyway, like the smart ass I am, referring to someone else's notions of how to know if he is the right man for you, here is what I've gathered from my fruitful research :

* He Listens to You. Before your man opens his heart to you, he has to first open his ears. "Genuine concern manifests itself in listening to the cares, concerns and issues of your woman," says Anthony Woodson, president and CEO of BlackLoveForever.com, a matchmaking service that has resulted in nearly 500 marriages. "A man who wants to be around you for the long-term will be a good listener when you need him. He will be a dependable source of guidance and support and will not turn a deaf ear simply because the problem is too big. If he doesn't know the solution, he will try his best to find one."

* There is a Natural Ease and Flow. Relationship experts say there is a natural chemistry that defines your interaction when you meet your perfect fit. "You don't have to push it, force it, tug it, pull it or cut the edges to make it fit," says Debrena Jackson Gandy, international speaker and author of All the Joy You Can Stand. "There is an undeniable ease and flow to the relationship. You can see it and others around you can as well."

* You Don't Have to Compromise Who You Are. A person who you have to change for isn't the person for you. "You should maintain and enjoy a continued, if not healthier, sense of self when you are with your partner," says Tandra McMurray, a 30-something Chicago single who has had her share of "Mr. Wrongs." "He should make you feel good about being you, while always encouraging you to be better. If a man doesn't feel good about himself, it will be hard for him to make you feel good about being you."

* You Trust Him. When you trust your partner, you open your relationship up to a world of possibilities. Without trust, the relationship can't grow and is likely to be doomed. "To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner," says Jel D. Lewis, relationship expert and columnist. "The secret to growing in trust is not to expect your man to be perfect." Maintaining realistic expectations is key to understanding your role and his.

* He Enriches Your Life. Being in love should have productive benefits for enhancing your quality of life. "Your Mr. Right should stretch your imagination and stimulate your desires," says Dr. Grace Cornish, spiritual psychologist and author of You Deserve Healthy Love Sis'. "He should, at all times and through all things, look out for your best interests. He should never compete with you because he knows what is good for you is good for him. A good man encourages and supports you professionally, personally and spiritually."

* He Pampers You. Not to be confused with spoiling, pampering is a celebration of womanhood, rather than pure indulgence of self. "Through his words and his actions, he shows you that you are different from any other woman in his life," says Woodson, whose matchmaking service, Black Love Forever, has more than 1,500 members. "He demonstrates, on a daily basis, that you are his queen. He caters to you. He cares for you. Whether he shampoos your hair, prepares your meal or massages your feet, he is demonstrating his affection and the privilege that it is to be in your life."

* Both of You Share Common Ground. Despite your religious background or affiliation, having a common and unified direction spiritually, socially, financially and economically creates cohesiveness. If you cannot agree on fundamental values, it is unlikely that you will go very far (and if so, not for long). It's not enough to simply be together. You must be willing and able to grow together.

* You Become a Part of His World. When you meet a man's parents, his children, his co-workers and his closest friends, you are getting a true glimpse of who he is, not just who he is when he is around you. A man who is serious about making you his partner will not only want you to be a part of his world, he'll create avenues of openness so that you can enjoy his world, his people and his interests.

* He Sacrifices For You. The right man will consider sacrificing for you an honor, not a burden. "When he is willing to give you what belongs to him, even before you ask for it, you know that he is serious about you," says Woodson. "It's not considered a 'sacrifice' when it's done with a good heart; it's an investment in the future of two people. Whether it's time, money or energy, a man will give what he has to the woman he wants."

*He understands.He always tries to see your side of things. This means that even if he's seen you get upset or cry about something a hundred times before, he still tries to calm you down and makes you feel better.

*He's happy around you. Smiles? Laughter? Excited to spend time with you and not his guy friends? Glad just to be with you? If he can't get enough of you, it's a sure sign that he's really attracted and in love.

*He takes care of you. Is he your own personal guardian angel? Does he baby you when you're sick and nurse you back to health? If the answer is 'yes', then it's a pretty sure bet you've got a good thing going.

*He asks for your opinion. He asks for your advice, considers it and may put it to good use. When important decisions are at stake concerning him, he doesn't just go ahead and decide on his own what he thinks is right.

*He's interested in what you want too. Let's say you're both watching television and you want to watch Desperate Housewives while he'd like to catch 24. You know how men are when it comes to the remote control! If he lets you watch your show of choice, not in a grudging manner, but because he wants you to be happy, you've got a winner. Give him extra points if he actually sits through it with you!

*He never judges you. You can pour out your heart to him, your greatest fears, biggest worries, and he is there patiently listening and never judging or telling you what you should do. He is always there to support you. However if he does not agree with your views, he would not condemn you, but try to understand why you feel that way about something.

I think these are the best, non-superficial, non-silly ones that I've read on the internet!


After having read through most of the information online, I just realised that my past relationship had alot of redflags that I blatantly ignored and hopefully he'll change. But you know, they'll never change. I wish I was smart and strong enough to out the relationship when I first discovered the red flags. Then I wouldn't have been the me now. I might be happier. But I wouldnt know, would I?

So tell me, what is it that you see in your other half that makes him 'the one'?