Ok, so you've gone on your first date and realised that what you've actually been brewing inside your mind isn't what the reality is about. He's not charming, he's not considerate, he eats noisily and is utterly gross. Your sex-dar is been knocked completely off course.
It's true that every girl will know if she's gonna bang the guy in the first 5-10 secs of communication. Hey. First impression counts for us too you know! Some guys manage to handle their fort well for the first few minutes, but as you stumble through dinner, your fairytale happy ending is falling into shits bit by bit. He is of course smitten by your amazing charming sexy self and you know he wants to get into your pants- hopefully by the end of the night. He's gonna want to hold your hand and/or kiss you and/or give you a hug or perhaps more at the end of your date.
Of course you know that your vagina has sewn itself up for the night and there shall be no hooha activity going on.
So how? You don even want his lips on you cos you know it'll lead him on and soon you know he'll be stalking you again for another date!
You can tell him the truth lah, but you know some people cant handle the truth and it might end up back firing!!
So you are in his car as he's dropping you off (i suppose its him fetching you and not you fetching him. if you're fetching him, you might as well dump him!), he's gonna be expecting more from you, like a little hint of wanting to see him again, a kiss on the cheek, bla bla you get the works from all your previous dates.
But you don't want anything more to do with him and all you wanan do is run back home and scrub yourself with chlorox!
Here is what you do.
1) you say that your pet fish drowned, you got to rush inside to bury it.
if he's smart enough to catch your drift, he wont bother you again. If he doesnt, you don have to be bothered with him again. win-win situation.
2) you quickly say 'thanks for the night' and dash out of the car.
make sure the car isn't locked first or it'll be an ugly mess if it was locked and your getaway was foiled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) you pretend that you have a call and quickly say thanks goodnight and hop off the car.
thats a good way to be busy! he'll either know you're faking it when your phone wasnt ringing or vibrating, or really fooled.
4) you start crying and being all emo and shit about yourself.
be all clingy and such and how you had a wonderful time and hope he's the one. make yourself scary. he'll never wanna see you again, i gaurantee it.
5) you can give him a sexy charming smile, kiss him on the cheeks and say goodbye.
you know, suck it up, just kiss him and get over it. never pick up his calls ever. set your dogs on him. get a new bf.
6) text your dad beforehand during dinner and ask him to stand outside the gate with a chopping knife, or a shot gun, which ever he has.
then ask your dad to have a little chat with him. you'll be sorted.
7) burp into his face.
then act embarrassed. then quickly and smoothly (while being very embarrassed) exit the car and run into your house. he'll be put off to ever wanna date you again!
8) half way through the date, when you've finally made up your mind that you don wanna see him again, totally not be yourself.
Be the crazy woman next door, be the victim, be wild, be innovative. start crying and say that he finds you fat, loud enough that the next table hears you. he'll be embarrassed AND think you're crazY! Then you apologise, say you need to go to the toilet, then leave. I'm sure he'll never call you again either!
9) be really comfortable with him.
i mean.......... really comfortable. fart when you feel like it.. burp when you're full, sneeze with your mouth open and pick your nose when it itches!
comfortable what!
10) keep checking your phone all night and pretend to text
then if he asks why, or you can volunteer to tell him that your ex didnt take the break up well and is always out to assault your dates. so you're texting your ex telling him not to. he'll be freaked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if all these do not work. Man, i really can't help you any further!
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