I've seen lots of daughters in law who can't get along with their mother in laws and I can't blame either parties.
Mother in laws can be mean, and you, daughter in laws arent much better. It's like you've graduated from the University of Bitchyness! No wonder you guys can't get along! No one is perfect so stop victimising yourself and making everyone pity you!
Here are some surefire steps to ensure that you'll live happily ever after with your mother in law!
1) You can choose to move out.
That is if you and your husband can afford it. Real property prices are shooting up drastically and you and him already have the bank loans for the car. Are you sure you can afford to move out? If you can, by all means. And by all means means you'd have to eat sand dirt and grass for the next 35 yrs and have 3kids made out of cardboxes if you stubbornly decide to move out when you are already in debt!
2) Stop being so bitchy and demanding and listen to your mother in law.
She asks you to eat dirt, you eat dirt. There is no such thing as human rights when you're living with your mother in law. She is the law and the government. And opposition parties usually get murdered off. So, better be smart.
And you're probably spoilt when you were living with YOUR PARENTS, but things have changed now. You're no longer living in your own home have you? You've moved into new territory so tread carefully cos there are hidden landmines out there.
You can't have your way. Its bad enough that you have to take your own rice at home, but now, you have to clear up for others and also the whole table!
Do you know what wedding dowry means? That means, buying you off your parents so you can work for the in laws for ETERNITY.
3) Stop fucking around.
With the TV, in your room, with the father in law, your brother in law. Just stop fucking around when you're married. You now belong solely to your mother in law and your husband is only a puppet in this evil game.
Stop messing about. Stop hiding in your room when its dinner time. You should be around helping or at least preparing it.
Wash your own clothes, your own underwear. Wash the whole house. No one is your slave in this new house. Take the initiative to wash other people's clothes too, but pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee don't ruin them.
4) Stop bootlicking the father in law or just innocently flirting with him thinking you'll get a better life there.
That'll make you the ultimate slut. You want your husband and you want your life to be easier. Well guess what? You're wrong. You're totally barking up the wrong tree and even worse, make an old man lust after you. Snatching your mother in laws husband is what the whole neighbourhood will think of you when words get out. Always have minimal talk with the male counterparts of the family lest they think you're hitting on them.
Your mother in law is head of the household. If she owns the kitchen, she owns the whole house.
5) Be nice to your sister in law.
She is your gateway to slightly less torturous life in hell. It's about time you bribe her with everything you can. But make sure not to blackmail her. She is more evil than you think and she will most definitely wipe you out if she finds you a threat to her. Do not make your mother in law love you more than her. Because, like her mother the Empress Dowager, she will snipe you in your sleep.
6) Be nice - start early.
When you're dating there a few simple rules to remember :
- NEVER enter your bf's room alone with him when you're dating for the first few months. Always be in the living hall where your future mother in law will have good view of you and that you're a decent girl (which you obviously arent!) hahahahaha. mother in laws will have that bad impression that you're a whore when you go to their sons room the first few times you go round their place. They don't say it, but TRUST ME, they feel it, and tell their daughters too. So stay in the halll and make small chit chat.
- ALWAYS buy gifts when you go to your in law's house. Unless hes stopping for a pee or a change of clothes, there's always a need to get stuff such as fruits, wine, cookies for your mother in law. Goes to show you have manners and your mother has brought you up well.
- NEVER wear skimpily to your bf's house, or anything that screams WHORE!
- ALWAYS praise her cooking, house decoration, son and anything you can find. But don't over do it. Tastefully is the key word here. Women love being praised and its like an energy they feed off it.
7) Always agree with your mother in law - especially in front of people.
She is Empress Dowager. She will send snipes to kill you when you're asleep should you go against her, especially in public. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
8) Always greet her happily and loudly.
It's only common sense that Mother in laws like to see smiles when people are calling them. And they don't like being called 'ma' or 'mother' softly or having those words mumbled.
9) Serve your Husband like a King.
Not your father in law, Your husband. Your father in law is your mother in law's responsiblity. not yours. That's why she married him and not you. Do not make your husband YOUR SLAVE in front of his mother, no matter how much your husband loves you and wants to do everything for you. It will be disrespect for him and his mum. And she will kill you in your sleep knowing that her precious son is being treated like a slave when you ARE their family's slave to start off.
10) Learn to cook.
Your mother in law cant be cooking forever, and your new family can't be eating instant noodles and takeaways for ever. It's time to learn the family's tastebuds and take over the cooking role (gracefully, not by force). If your mother in law still wants to cook, help her in the kitchen. Never try to pry her away from her wok because inshahallah, she will clobber you to death with her 100yr old wok. If your cooking is bad, it is ok. But it is not ok, everyday for 6 months. You got to improve drastically everyday because every second is a ticking bomb in your new household.
11) Wake up early.
Every mother in law wants her daughter in law to be an asset, not a liability. So you can't sleep in anymore after you've married into the new family. You got to be up by 8am scrubbing the porch floors and making everyone breakfast. It's unfair I know when the sister in law sleeps till 2pm but thats life, and when she marries, and inshahallah into a simpler less tryannic family, she'll will get her fair share of living with the in laws.
12) Follow the Empress Dowager to the market.
Because you're her new slave and you should help out in the family.
13) No more staying out late.
You are someone's wife now. So no more partying with friends lest you want a bad impression on your mother in law that you're not ready to settle down and having grandkids.
14) Do not starve your kids.
These are for women who have kids and are living (or visiting) their mother in laws. No grandparents want to see skinny kids. NO ONE. So start feeding your kids lard so they look like mini-michellin men! Do this until your in laws pass away then you can start majoring dieting them into your desired shape and size.
15) Bite your tongue.
No matter how much you want to scream at your mother in law and tell her that shes a fucking old hag, zip it. Once its out you better prepare to move out - back to your mother's house.
So unless you're lucky enough to move out (which you HAVE to spare a room for your in laws incase they come to visit), then I'm sorry you're pretty much stuck with them!
Hope you find these pointers useful! and Good luck! HAHAHA
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