papa!

Hah, everyone knows that I’m papa’s pet, me being the youngest daughter after 8 years of dealing with annoying, pesky sons. Of course I’m an angel! The added bonus is that my first word was ‘PAPA’ instead of ‘MAMA’. So that brought me up a few notches to the first position!

My papa is 60 this year, and he is still as handsome and charming as ever. Both my parents are really the best looking people in their era, but I wonder why their kids turn out to be !@#)(!)(2)#$(@%(!)@(#!)(????????? That is really puzzling.

He would be the one who would ask me to eat more when he brought me out for meals so I wouldn’t have to suffer so much when mama would starve me when I got back home. That happened many eons ago of course. When I was much much skinnier than my predicament now.

He would outrightly tell my whole family (or anyone for that matter) to fuck right off if they said or did something that made me upset. Then when he sees me crying he would hug me and then I *secretly* think that he would be crying inside too.

When I was born I was so precious to him that he never let anyone touched me in fear that they hurt me. He would also visit me every day during lunch time at the baby sitters place to make sure that I was alright!

He has never laid a hand on me (which would explain why I’m so spoilt now), only once, he smacked my feet when I still put my feet in the mud when clearly 3 seconds ago he told me not to. He was squatting next to me when I blatantly ignored his rules and dipped my feet in mud (there were always mysterious foot prints around the house in mud when my house was under construction long long ago).

When I was younger he would bring me to Starbucks (when he was richer and less stingy) and he would order an Americano and chocolate cake while I would order my raspberry mocha frappuchino and cheesecake. Then we’d compete and see who finished it first. After that, we would walked the malls and when we got hungry, he’d bring me for KFC and order me a big fat zinger burger meal! Yum.

Papa would also bring me to watch cartoon movies (alone without my bros or mama of course) such as Mulan, Finding Nemo, etc etc. Then we’d share a large coke and he would TEACH me and purposely pull the straw and push it in the cover to make that annoying ‘eek eek’ sound, or slurp REALLY loudly when there wasn’t any drink left. HAH!

This man would shove cabbage and maggi mee down my throat when mama and bros were away for holiday and there was no one to cook for us. He would insist that cabbage was good for health and cook like half a cabbage and not put any other ingredients in it. YUM.

When I was very young (and appropriate) he would hug me to sleep SO TIGHTLY that I thought that I was going to choke to death. Yes. Hugs of death were invented by him!

He would also bring me shopping for clothes and dress me in the LONGEST adult maxi dresses (when I was only 10!) so that I don’t expose too much skin. WTF. He was the inventor of the popularity of maxi dresses! Hahaha!

We had a phase were we would just go down to pet shops and buy guinea pigs one after another. Then he would patiently build the cage and house them. Then we would sit and watch the guinea pigs squeal for us. We bought like 20 guinea pigs! The obsession was so great that when they died one by one due to some disease outbreak, we were so heartbroken that we never bought anymore guinea pigs.

He also bought me other weird and expensive pets to keep. This was where my interest in animals peaked. We kept bunnies, Madagascar tortoises etc etc.

He would bring me to the deserted beach, then we would divide and conquer. He would pick pebbles and nice stones while I would sit in one corner and collect shells! Then he would teach me all about the shells and the sealife and got me obsessed with shells as well!

As I gradually grew older, papa would teach me to find men who weren’t muscular or pumped up in the gym. That is cos their wee-wees would be so tiny and I wouldn’t enjoy the bedroom activities! AH! That is perhaps where I got my pervertness from. Of course papa had the best interests at heart that I wouldn’t be so DEVASTATED that my man’s package was minute.

He would also teach me to find men that weren’t loaded, or flamboyant. Because that wouldn’t bring you anywhere in life. Yes he may have money. But he may have other women outside too. And daddy knows best about men. He always told me to look for someone who had a decent hobby, such a fishing, gardening (or someone just like him!) that is how I set a benchmark for all the guys I looked for. Someone who really loved you for you (ie your fatness).

Speaking of that, I used to get criticized and insulted by relatives while growing up fat. My dad would stick up for me and say, ‘yes, so what? I like my daughter this way, better than thin and scrawny and nothing to touch (for other men, not him) at all’. Then the people who stepped on his tail had to quietly withdraw their comments.

He used to argue with my mama that despite being this size, that THERE would be people to love me truly, and he was right. My mama would be so angry because at this size, no one rich would want me (that’s a whole other story). But papa was adamant that she should shove a pineapple up the place where the sun doesn’t shine.

My papa would always support (or either be ignorant) of the things I do. Besides not having a vision in life and using his credit card, he very seldom picked on me for anything. I would always be the one who had something to say back to him when I wanted to rebut. No one else in the family dares to do it.

There was once when we were younger my brother scolded me or something (I really can’t remember), then he told him that there would only be one tiger in one mountain ie. Only I get to scold your sister. HAH. I am having this self revelation that my over-pamperedness came from my papa!

Now that my parents have a fridge in their room (for their own selfish personal purposes, like hiding goodies so no one else in the house can touch them), he would always knock on my door in the middle of the night to ask me to go over and have grapes, chocolate, other sort of fruits and what not. Then we would sit and eat while watching tv or looking at something at the computer.

Oh yes speaking about computers, he is the one that would always supply me my electronics. My first camera (it was a shit camera and we both knew it but he bought it anyway because I thought it was COOL) and my several laptops that I’ve destroyed. Now he’s got me the best G7 canon camera on earth!

When papa saw that I had lack of interest in the field of law, he encouraged me to take up HR, which I am quite good in. however, due to lack of financial resources, I have to wait for a windfall for that to happen. My mama was thoroughly against the idea of me straying away from the legal line. He again, told her to shove a pineapple up where it doesn’t shine.

Although my papa may be stubborn and bad tempered (as I am) he always gives in when I talk to him nicely (or write a really thought provoking and guilt tripping letter).

I am proud to say that, even though my papa isn’t as loaded as other people’s dad is, he is a certified good man. Even though he lack some moral values, he tries very hard to instill them in his children for fear that they will become like him. He may be stingy, but never towards me (ok, that’s not fair). My papa is my hero. There is no one who is as all-knowing as he is. Anyone who I am going to marry has to match up to at least a few of his good values or he has to hit the road! He would always support the guy I’m going out with (even though he’s not afraid to use his shot gun ) as he accepts how much I like them! (or maybe he knows he would eventually have to get rid of them – which in turns explains why my ex’s always go missing after some time!).

Hah, I love my papa so much! And I speak for all the daddy’s little girls that they are they bestestestestestestestest man on earth!