Dear Joanna,
You’ve passed 2 days 23dom. How are you coping? You’re no longer young anymore. You’re on your way of becoming a salted vegetable as according to your Dad. He reckons that you should be married by 25. But at this rate you’re going, you’ll probably marry by 32. And have NO kids. And you’ll end up in the old folks home old and lonely. Or worse, die in your own house and have your face eaten by your 12 cats.
Your mum reckons you should lose a shit load of weight as well. Because she thinks this is the main problem as to why you’re not gonna marry at 24 to a rich, handsome, well educated man with compassion, generosity and a splendid sense of humour along with impeccable fashion taste and a also with good family background. I know you think she’s gone bonkers. Because she really has. I know that you know she knows that you won’t marry someone like this. Instead you’ll marry someone who makes you feel safe and feed you fried chicken every now and then. Someone who’ll take care of the finances of the family. And that you’ll only have ONE kid. No more. Anymore you’ll go for abortions. Because you know that it is too expensive to take care of more than a kid. And GOD knows that you won’t marry a rich man. However, she may be right. The reason why you won’t marry Mr. Perfect is because you’re in this state of lard. The fatty stage that’ll never ever go away and will haunt you for the rest of your life. But you know that you don’t give a shit. And the man you’ll marry will have to love your fats, by hook or by crook, or he can hit the highway. And go fly a kite. You have firmly instilled in yourself the false sense of internal beauty, which vaguely exists in this society. But yet with your ignorance and mild courage, you have decided to go along with it and see where fate leads you. That is your destiny. You believe that men who love you because you’re beautiful will only love you for that. If you lose it one day (and you definitely will), they will get itchy and find someone else. You know that men who go for beauty are all assholes who don’t deserve your amazing love. You also know that men who are handsome can never be trusted. You’ve been burnt before, haven’t you?
But no worry, God has a plan for you. And if you also believe in Karma, you will keep doing good things for people and only hope the best for them. There is no point creating rumours and ruining people’s life. They don’t need you to break what’s already half broken. They can do it themselves.
You should also stop torturing yourself, Jo. It is never your fault. You can’t help what you can’t help. Not everything is under your control. Not everything has to be done according to your list. Nothing is planned and nothing is in order. This is the line of life. It has many surprises. You can’t blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong. You also cannot expect anything from anyone. If they failed to do it, you’d beat yourself up because of it. That is wrong. You should give yourself a break. You have been working too hard. Your life is shorter than expected. Don’t waste it over worrying silly matters. Have more fun. Stop worrying what you can’t see. Stop putting yourself in people’s shoes and feeling hurt as well. Because no one cares about how you feel, why should you do the same? You’re not a Saint. You’re definitely going to hell for all the sins you’ve committed.
You should stop eating cup noodles every day. Yes you’re earning peanuts, but that doesn’t mean you should eat crap. I know you want to save money so you can bring your parents for good food, or spend it all in Bugis, but those few dollars doesn’t mean anything to you does it. Stop torturing yourself and being so stingy to yourself while giving everything to people you love. Do you know if they even appreciate you at all? What if they don’t? You don’t really care if they don’t, do you?
You’re a good person, Jo. Don’t let other people tell you otherwise. Promise yourself now that you’re 23, and older, you’re (none the) wiser. You’ll continue to do good things. You’ll always try to put people first and care about everyone around you. Who cares if you marry a rich person or not. What matters is that he actually cares enough to want to build a future with you. And remember, have ONLY 1 kid. No more. Don’t torture yourself working like a dog just to provide a future for your own stupid creation. Practice safe reproduction. Get yourself spayed and him neutered.
If you’re unhappy with the person, Jo, don’t keep it inside. You’ll only hurt yourself. You should tell the person to go fuck himself and jump up his mother’s ass. And stay there. Tell that person that you don’t give a shit. And point him the middle finger and walk away. If he/she tries to be funny, knee them. Don’t let them bully you and push you over.
The main point of this gentle reminder is to tell you to stress less. This stress is happening because you’re worrying over things that are out of your control. You cannot control everything. Everything is destined. Every step is calculated.
Love yourself, Jo. Give yourself a break. Don’t work so hard anymore. You’re nearing a breakdown. You’re borderline depression. I can feel it already. You’re sending me all the bad vibes. Take a break. Have a rest. Go get laid.
I’ll love you always,
Your subconscious-self.