23....

There are many things that has been happening this past year. 2008 and 2009. There are so many changes. Nothing is ever set in stone. This is right. My Godmother was right. Everything is constantly changing.

1. I had my heart broken.
Probably the saddest part of my life. But its over now. I moved on. I am glad I did. It is true that memories do revisit me once in a while. But I am glad that its once in a while.

2. I started my first job and ended it without commiting suicide.
Yes, it sucked more than a vacuum. It's probably the worst job ever and the employer was more fucked up than my earring and shoe collection. But I gained experience. ALOT of it.

3. I bought my own furniture.
Yes I'm a big girl now, both age and size wise. So my bed broke. Then I got some money so I fixed that problem. I got an amazing bed AND a poppy couch. I am such an adult!

4. Bought a chincilla.
Which died on me the 3rd day I brought it home. That was when I fell very ill. Some say it died in place of me. Oh well. There goes my RM900.

5. Caught chikungunya.
It's the brother disease of Aedes and Malaria which became infamously popular in Malaysia. First my mum caught it and I took care of her. Then that damn mosquitoe which bit my mother bit me and I caught it. GODAMIT. I couldn't move out of bed for 4 days. My body hurt so much. I didn't eat. I didn't lose weight. Oh well. My dad thought I was going to die. He didn't visit me at all during the 4 days. He claims he couldn't take it.

6. Celebrated my birthday twice.
Oh yes, I had 2 birthday cakes. How can anyone get more lucky than that?

7. Fell in love again.
Yes, it does happen even though your heart has been broken beyond repair. And it strikes when you're least looking. And its even better than before.

8. Drove to Desaru.
In my beloved Isuzu on a road trip with my friends. Driving is so scary. But I found out how love can prove its extent on this trip.

9. Received Awards from Khoo Kongsi.
For being a nerd and geek. The higher you study, the more they award you. Yes, I did my ancestors proud.

10. Did hair extensions.
Because I hated my short hair. Stupid me. But I look amazing now. It is GREAT. I love my hair. I can do a Clairol advert now!

11. Realised that you make the best decisions for yourself.
No one else can do it for you. Not even your mother.

12. Stood up to my boss.
And told him to go fuck himself.

13. Held a party on my own.
With no parental guidance!

14. Had Santa join me for Christmas dinner.
But he was very skinny. I think the southpole is running out of food!

15. Received my first diamond ring.
It's the prettiest ring I've ever seen.

16. Cried so badly when I thought Rose was going to die.
And realised that I loved my dog so much without even knowing it. They really create a lasting impression on you.

17. Learnt that you can never trust anyone.
Because people will eventually betray you.

18. Started blogging.
And destroyed the world with my crazy ideas and rants.

19. Found a new job on my own.
And I'm real proud of it. I am determined to make it in life.Up yours, those who think that I couldn't make it on my own.

20. Found the joys of Bugis Village.
Where else can you get the cheapest shit!?

21. Got a new built-in wardrobe.
And it's bursting now that I have so many clothes :( should really have a yard sale.

22. Learnt never to give a shit about people who don't matter.
And when I tell you that I don't give a fuck, I really don't give a fuck.





Today, I turn 23.




To be honest. I am very depressed. I looked back this past year, and realised that I have not accomplished anything. I feel kind of a failure. I was very reluctant for the clock to reach 12am. But time waits for no man. And it is true. I am at the age of my limbo-years. The years where you're not in heaven nor hell. The years where you're stuck with nothing. These are the years that will determine whether you'll marry and have kids, make it at your career and have a family and settle down finally.

Let me let you in on a secret. It has been my dream since young to be married by 24, kids by 26. And by 30 I can wrap it up with 3 kids. But now, looking at it, there's NO WAY I'm getting married next year. There's no way I'm having my first kid by 26. And there's no bigger way I'm gonna have 3 kids and be able to afford them at the rate I'm going.

I am extremely upset. I have nothing in life. I have ruined myself. I have been ruined by my own lenancy and complaceny. I have been ruined by my own laziness. I have been ruined by over dependancy on my parents. Somehow it seemed like a good idea back then. Now as I'm out on my own for these few months, I thought it'd be easy shit being independant like I was back in England. But that's bullshit. Now I'm working, and have been spoilt (both loved and mentally scarred) at home, it's so hard to manage without someone by my side.

And I am glad that I have always had you by my side. At times when it seemed so dark I didn't know where to go, who to look for, who to turn to. You were there at my every step. You patiently took time and again to explain to me why and what I should do. You never lost your patience at me even though I seemed to have asked you that question 20 times and expecting a different answer. You were willing to go through thick and thin with me. You're worth it. I love you.

To those who came from afar for my birthday, Esther and Cherry. I love you both so much. I really do. I cried when you all left. It just seems so lonely here. I am so glad I have both of you in my life. I love you both in very different ways, and nevertheless, I still love you wholeheartedly. Thank you so much for taking bus down Cherry. I was so worried something would happen and I'll never forgive myself. Thank you for paying the extra amount and taking flight Esther. It must have cost so much. Your presence means so much more than your presents, even though they are VERY GOOD.

Fran, even though we may not meet much or speak much, even though we have personality clashes at times, I still love and care deeply for you too. You have taken up a very special place in my heart and I will never forget you for it.

To those who have been by my side, consoling me and giving me moral support whenever I lack of it, you all know who you are. And you all will know that I am thankful when I am there for you as you were there for me.

Life may have it's ups and downs, with more downs than ups to be honest. But you all really made it a bearable ride for me.

23. Here I come. I'm not sure if you're ready for me. I'm not sure if I'm ready for you either.