Public Toilets

If its one phobia that I have (apart from cockroaches and exams), that is public toilets. I have this massive problem about public toilets and it scares the shit out of me. The people that have been in there, the things that have been collected and deposited in them, the diseases that they may potentially have and still may be potentially lingering around, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting toilet users.

You will never know how infected the last person was to use the toilet.

The person may have herpes, which can be passed through liquid contact. What if that person’s liquid residue still is lingering in the toilet? What if you caught herpes, not from that wild one-night stand sex you had last week, but from an innocent looking toilet bowl?

If there is one consoling thing on my fear of public toilets is that Malaysia (and probably a few more near-extinct countries that have) squatting toilet bowls. But these toilet bowls have their risks as well. Seeing as how A LOT of people have no toilet manners and pee all over the place INSTEAD of the bowl, and the chances of their diseases not properly flushed down, what if you peed and the droplets of the disease bounces back and hits you (in the foo-foo)? There you have it. Direct contact with the disease through an open orifice. Fuck me. I can spend a day and a night talking to you about my fears of public toilets.

Going back to the toilet bowls, sitting toilet bowls scare me the most. Especially toilets with sitting toilet bowls and no toilet paper. If that is that case, I rather go pee in the field, and risk getting worm related diseases of bitten by ants or something (not forgetting the risk of flashing unsuspecting people the whites of my ass). Ok. Sitting toilets with no tissue paper. How can I WIPE the bowls with the tissue, then carefully line them with the tissue, TWICE before I sat down and carefully shit in the water, trying not to create a big ‘plop’ effect, lest the potentially infected water might hit back and find their own way into my 2 orifices? GEEZ. Thinking of that practically freaks the shit out of me.

If I just needed to pee, it wouldn’t be such a big deal even if the toilet seat was covered with other people’s pee (yes, Asians have a thing about not peeing properly. I don’t know if its family brought up or just really bad toilet manners or their lack of love for their country hence publicly displaying their indifference to other people’s need of clean toilets – I mean hey, you won’t pee all over your own toilet bowl at home right??). Because I can bend my knees a little, try grab hold of the wall and try peeing like a semi-man. That has been mastered through-out the years.

My mama has even mastered the skill of not having to remove her underwear, but by just parting the underwear a little at the spot you need to pee and not getting pee on her underwear! That is truly commendable how she has perfectly mastered the skill of doing it! The risk of removing your underwear partially and risk of getting the diseases on it as well is unavoidable.

But hey, I’m a real hygene freak when it comes to public toilets. When I was younger I was trained this way ok. My mama would always tell me NEVER to sit on the toilet bowls in case the previous person’s disease happily attached themselves onto YOUR ASS and goes into you.

If you’ve spotted acne or pimples on your ass, that’s cause you’ve been sitting on dirty bowls. BE AWARE people, you don’t know what has been lurking in these toilets.

But there’s always irony in this. I don’t make it a habit of washing my hands before food and also risk the higher chance, of getting diseases and bacteria into my mouth, through the mouth! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

Oh and yeah, I’ve also developed this habit of washing my hands with the instant hand sanitiser when my guts prompt me to do it after coming into contact with particular people. Oh I am so religious at doing this!

Oh well. This is one of my random thoughts while pooping in the hotel lobby just now. I just thought I needed to share it with the world.

And oh something else. Malaysia has probably the worst toilets on earth. The dirtiest toilets can be found in VARIOUS places in Malaysia. The squatting toilets are always wet and such, hence promoting the transmission of diseases (if any) at a faster and easier way. The main reason is, for the convenience of people who requires to cleanse their private parts every time they’ve gone to the toilets. It is just that when water goes every where after you wash, the dirt from your shoes would be left on the floor hence producing foot prints (and GOD knows WHERE you’ve been) and HENCE (again) promoting the transmission of bacteria and potential viruses getting into our orifices while peeing or pooping. On a personal opinion, if the place was dry, bacteria and diseases would have less chances of spreading through liquid contact, right? I must at least make teeny sense here.

Now I wish I were a man, then I can pee standing up with less risk of getting other men’s liquids onto my pee-pee! But then again I’d also be at risk of getting other men’s diseases on my ass while shitting but then again, I’ve already mentioned about it earlier on!

Man, it’s gonna be a long day. -_-