Flashbacks

Just saw fragments of the past by accident. Painful flashbacks hit me like a crashing wave, and I have no where to hide. All of a sudden, I’m finding it so hard to breathe, my heart beat slows to a standstill. It's been a while since my departure, my breakdown. To be honest, I actually saw the end before the beginning. I knew it was going to happen exactly this way, and I’m pretty sure you did too. But yet, I went ahead with it and ignored all the red lights desperately honking at me “get out before it was too late”. Lack of commitment, immaturity, instability etc etc. Blaring red lights right in my face, yet I refused to admit the truth – we were never meant to be. I don’t know why I had to convince myself that we were good together, that we were soulmates. I blame you for telling me that. Now I can never see that word in the same light as I used to. It left a big slap on my face. It still stings now, post mortem.

I don't love you anymore; I have moved on long before you knew it. I can’t and won’t waste the time mopping over you. It doesn't stop me from hating you. I still hate you. I hate you for turning me into this unrecognisable person that I detest. It took me 2 freaking months for bereavement. You sucked the Joanna out of Joanna.I hate my stinging past, and everything that came with it.Empty promise and broken lies.

你傷害了我
(You’ve hurt me)　

還一笑而過
(And yet you still smile and move on)

你愛的貪婪
(You wanted everything in love)　

我愛的懦弱
(And I was a coward)

眼淚流過　
(As tears go by)

回憶是多餘的
(The memories were redundant)

只怪自己愛你所有的錯
(I blame myself for loving all your wrongs)

I really do blame myself for loving all your wrongs. I was so stupid – technically I still am. I will never fall for the same shit like that again.Please just leave. My life doesn't need you in it anymore.

Adios amigos.