Pap Smear Test

Ok, so today's post will be about a semi-serious one.

It is about pap smear and you (guys, you have no concern in this).

Ladies, for those of you who have "grown up" (I use this in a nice way to talk about ladies who's packages have been opened, had a hotdog shoved into their buns, gone all the way, etc etc etc). A pap smear is extremely important as we don't know what's usually wrong with our wombs/cervixes. We must do it cos we might get cervical cancer aka HPVirus we catch from stinking male species! (All their fault, make sure you make that him pay for the check up!!) They want to use our pek pek, they must pay property tax and rent ok!!!!!!

So, thanks to Chloe egging me on to do it (becuase it's good for us ladies) I had my first pap smear done - by a male gynae.

It was so shocking to have it done by a male, but wtf, 9/10 gynaes are males! (I DON'T KNOW WHY OK!) But this one I've encountered wasn't a perv lar, infact he was pretty nice to me.

Anyway, at the reception I was paving up and down the place. "should I do it? But its been so long! He's a guy leh! Later he see my nen nen and pek pek how?! Some more must pay him to see my pek pek and nen nen leh! HOW CAN! But how? If don't do now I'll never do! WHYYY must I be a girl!!! !@)(!@)#(!)!!*(#$%*#($^@" and alot of other curses. But in the end I decided to do it lar, since I was there only.

So the pap smear consisted of this :

1) Breast cancer check

2) Ultra sound scanning of the uterus for any funky shit

3) poking your pek pek with a stick and digging some gold out.

So hor, I went into the room and the nurse told me to take off my skirt and underwear, and I did lor. Then she went to my back and took off my bra! Sibeh pro seh, like a casanova trying to unhook my bra. Then I took off my skirt and my arse was facing the whole wide world. So memalukan diri (embarassing).

Then she ask me lie on the cold and clammy examination table/couch. Theres a ultra sound scanner sitting next to me. The doctor then took my blood pressure then listened to my heart beat. Then next, he slid his hands under my top and under my bra (chewah, like adult story like that). Then he touch touch here and touch touch there (I wonder if he would enjoy doing this???) I actually even asked him after the examination. Eh doc, you enjoy anot har, everyday get to see ladies like that. Then he said, NO LARRRRRRRRRR I VERY PROFESSIONAL WAN OKKKK!!!!!! hahahahahahahahaha. yes yes I believe. Anyways, the he squirted some gel onto my tummy and started scanning around. I was imagining myself as pregnant and when I saw my little baby I'd tear and say it's beautiful (so cliche I know). Then he told me my boobies and womb were fine (thank you).

Then I had to open my legs like this:

The only times I'd ever have to open my legs like this were:

a) having some sexy time with the man, in the confines of his or my room,

b) reading a book on the bed and my legs feel bored.

Those are the only times man. Now when I had to do it, SCARED the shit out of me man. I was so embarrassed. All the hairy bits, the pek pek and all, SO SHY MAN. I was thinking, later he see my pek pek so ugly he faint how?! Or go home and laugh and tell his wife about this seriously ugly pek pek he saw today!!! WTF MAN. Then as I was running rubbish through my mind, he shoved this into my little girl :

Wtf man, it looks like a Donald duck beak thing. Plus its disposable so its all good man. We wont catch anything from using the older metal ones. Anyway hor, then he started scraping the walls of my inner pek pek. I heard from mum and other aunties that it used to hurt, but this didn't, however it was slightly uncomfortable. It was done in less than a minute and I didn't even have time to scare myself with the stupid stupid thoughts!!!!!!

This was how he did it :

Basically a very simple test to show if you have any abnormal cells that might have mutated or not. So ladies, be very aware, as thousands of Malaysian women die of cervical cancer every year (I blame the men and their stinking wiener). This is all for a good cause, and is nothing to laugh about. When someone close to you gets cervical cancer, you won't be laughing so much now would you? So if you haven had one or haven had one in years, it about high time you do it. At least you will find out sooner than later!

So here's a little comic to lighten you up after reading my horrifying description on the pap smear test.

But really, it's not that scary. Ladies, please go have one done soon. It may just be the most well spent 100dollars.