My love for my dust bunny.

My love,

there are many things that I wish I hadn't said or done. There are also several other things that I wished I had done or said. I feel deep remourse and guilt each time I look at you and realise that I haven't really completely played my role as your counterpart all these while.

You have stood by me steadfastly (sounds like some damn national anthem, or my old school pledge), and never failed to give me useless reasonings to make me see through it all - however you know I'd never listen to anyone except me.

The other day, one of our friends gave me a little quiz, and it concluded that the horse standing outside the window staring in seems to be the perfect description. My mate will always be staring in. As much as it is true, it is not only limited to you. Even my closest blood relations (eg family) are always staring in. I find it too uncomfortable to share my deepest and darkest fears, or anyhow, my thoughts or anything to anyone, because no one will understand me. They will either give me hell for my thoughts, or condemn me. I have to solve this shit man. No one can help me. There is no one that my inner conscience will listen to, and this all leads to some self destruction spiral. It is not that I am neglecting you or moving away from you. You are the closest that I've been to, you know more things about me than my family.

Sometimes I regret not being romantically inclined to you, or show you how a deadbeat romantic I am. I fear that if I gave out too much of my heart, I'd be hurt again, like the last time I gave my heart away. It was torn to shreds and thank goodness you came along and slowly patched it back. Yet there will always be this little distance that I will keep. My heart cannot take another blow. I blame that cibaifucker for breaking my heart, and I know I should not punish you for his actions, but, still, I am scared.

I live in fear everyday that if someone saw my true colours, they'll never love me. The ugly truth is that I can't even love myself, for I don't see anything good in me to love. I am neither sexy nor selfless. I can't even make a home properly. I can't seem to stop berating myself. I am Senorita Negativo. There are several things that I could list for you to reconsider your other options. Yet I am glad that you're here (probably because I have the nicest titties around HAHAHAHAHAHA).

You'll probably never read this emo post, but my other kpoh friends and relatives will read it and start questioning me about it. Read the next sentence and all be revealed that I have gone sparkly mad.

I love you, my little fluffy dust bunny sitting quietly at the corner of my dirty room.

Muahs.