I can't believe China's produced this! Is there anything they CANT do?
* Manufacturer's note on label:
"No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction."
I know I should have taken a much nicer picture of this. I know you secretly think it looks like puke, BUT ITS SO FREAKING NICE OKKKKKKKK. I was so hungry I tucked in a realised that I needed to take a pic!
So this is my century egg porrideg aka Pei Dan Chuk.
And it is belly naiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Here's d recipe. It's so easy to follow!
1 chicken tigh and drumstuck ; skinned, fat removed
2 century eggs peeled cracked and chopped
2 normal eggs whisked
a handful of rice
a handful of peanuts
1 cube chicken stock
Directions :
wash the peanuts and the chicken.
boil the peanuts first as they are EXTREMELY stubborn motherfuckers as they refuse to get soft.
put like, half the pot with water (or more, water just evaporates when boiled)
keep boiling till the peanuts are soft
Then, when the water is boiling and the peanuts are soft, put in the chicken thigh and drumstick.
put in 1 cube of chicken stock.
dance a little.
cook for like 20mins till the chicken is fully cooked.
take it out, shred the meat.
put back the bones into the water and continue boiling.
wash rice in another bowl.
put the rice in with the soup that is alraedy boiling.
wait for it to cook.
when cooked, beat the eggs and pour evenly into the porridge.
do not stir too quickly. wait for like 30 secs before you start stiring. this will result the eggs in a more solid state. if you quickly beat the eggs and quickly put it in and quickly stir, it'll look like baby food.
have a cold drink.
cut the century egg and keep it aside.
put the shredded meat back into the porridge and stir.
put in the century egg and stir gently. stir it harder and your porridge will turn black like the century egg.
VOILA!!!!!!!!!! Now you have your lovely porridge.
i know my instructions arenot very specific. But in life, you have to balance and mix and match to get the best combination! (always a good excuse for my lack of precision!)
:D
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wah,
Van Chua, your apple pie really really amazingly nice to eat lor. Somemore got vanila ice cream.
Ok man these just prove that ALL women need make up regardless how they look like.
Men, be aware of ladies who look super cute with make up on.
Who knows you might end up waking up to!
The pics are pretty self explanatory.
Ladies who are super ugly (if you think you're ugly lar), this is a goood lesson on teaching yourself to be pretty!!!!!!
disclaimer : forwarded email hor prease.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Dearest Rosabelle,
Today we'll be celebrating your full moon party. It's not really your party actually, I think the adults will be enjoying it more than you as you'll be asleep most of the time, and locked in the room. Plus you can't eat the good food your granny has cooked, nor taste the alcohol stash we bought.
Anyway, speaking of granny, she totally forgot bout feeding me dinner last night, BECAUSE OF YOU. How dare you steal my rice bowl? You evil evil baby. You pee, poop and puke on me 80% of the time, especially on my bed, you still my attenttion away and YET, you are starting to look like me. Your daddy is especially regretting that he prays that you DO NOT LOOK like me. Fat, short stout, like a teapot. But alas, you're looking more like my kid than his. Perhaps its time he learns never to mock at people's imperfections lest his unborn child gets it. :D
Anyhoo, you do look like me when you're a kid. As much as I'm glad, I sincerely do pray you do not get my feistiness nor my really suspicious heart. You must learn to let go most of all!
Ha ya, wad do you know now, you only know how to cry and eat. and poop and pee and puke.
Ok la, Gugu love you ok? Grow up and hopefully you're not as spoilt as we would expect you to be!
LOVELOVELOVE.
Gugu.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
It's been a really fuzzy busy week. I realised I haven blogged for almost a week when I saw the date on my last post. I have been so tired, with work, gynae problems and everything else. It almost seems easy just to give up, but someone I'm still trudging through each day like I was meant to do it. How can live be this hard? Or am I just too negative that everything seems a billion times harder and worse and it was meant to be? I don't know. Maybe I AM having too good a life and when calamity strikes, I can't take it.
But it was an ok week though, I got to spend most days with the craziest people (aka Balan and Gwee) . These girls I tell you, damn extreme. If I was drinking milk, the milk will literally come out of my nose. They are just as vulgar and wired as I am. Excellent. Now people don't have to stare at me in disbelief. Though Najib did say that Balan was the spawn of Satan and that I am not to be with her anymore! (Gwee, you're safe.)
Anyway. Without Najib, things would have been harder to get by. He's always there to..screw me up whenever I tell him something. I know its really saddening instead of getting comfort, I get verbally abused and a whole hour of lecture on how I should have handled the bloody situation. Oh well. He usually shuts up when I ask him to. I should be buying Champlix for him some time soon. He has to really stop smoking man. Like, srsly. Bad shit. Even worse for me.
Argh, malay tuition tonight. The most dreaded day of the week. I don't understand why I'm doing this when I truly am suffering every bit of it. Family Honour my arse man. My big fat yellow arse. LANJIAO! Sibeh dulan lor. Never mind. After next month. I'm fine.
Tomorrow will be our little baby Rosabelle's full moon. She is that big already but she looks even older for her age! She can smile now and sneeze repeatedly like a hamster. I have thereby named her, guailankia, meh-oh, ernie, "throw-you-away" in hokkien. Yes, kinda abusive. I love munchng on her limbs as well. And poke her. and shake her tummy to give her a mini earthquake. It is all very fun to see her dazzled and lost. Hee. I know now I am certified never to have kids. Balan brought out her son, Roshen and he was the naughtiest little kid I've ever seen. That made me contemplate to bring masking tape whenever I'm out with kids and TAPE their damn mouth when they start crying. Then use a marker and draw a smile.
Some call it abuse, but I call it discipline and capital punishment. That way, they know never to cry like a little motherfucker whenever I'm not gonna buy them the damn PSP box. I will always support capital punishment for kids. You should always beat the shit out of them. That way, they wont grow up to be out of control. Be cruel to be kind to them. You won't want them ending up in homes right?
I really got to get cracking on the several affidavits and writs waiting to be drafted. Oh fuck.
