Clutter free mind

When old sayings mention that the hardest person to see, is yourself, they were right.

I always lament at people who's place is a shit hole, and it takes alot of love and effort for me to even help them clean up.

But to myself, my shit was every where in my room. It was as if judgment day had arrived early and that rubbish was all there is left on earth.

My room was a magnet for dustbunnies, growing molds, ants and boogeymen. HECK, there wasn't even space in my closet nor under my bed for the boogeymen to hide in. They'd go like, wtf jo, clean up your shit. I need to be here to work to pay my dues. I have to scare kids, and such, you know. For fucks sake, clear up the boxes of shit under your bed. I think your boxes are growing new boxes of shit.

It's so hard to judge myself. It's so comfortable to roll around in your own shit. Mine was what they called an organised mess. I am not gross. I am just messy. I have everything everywhere, but I know exactly where they are. And if someone even attempted to help me clear, I wouldn't know where my stuff was even if it was poking me in the face.

Kettle calling pot black. How can I go around telling people what to do with their mess when I can't even handle my own? Perhaps it's easier to tell people what to do, than telling yourself what to you.

You are you worst enemy.

So. Right. I decided to clear all my shit. And suddenly the mess in my mind cleared up a little. It was surprisingly theraputic to find money, earrings, 10000 lights, receipts, more money necklaces, people's scribbly numbers on serviets in my 239052093 bags. It was even more surprising to find things that didn't even belong to me in my bags and rooms.

But after that, it felt good. Less clutter in my room, a little less clutter in my mind. But some things can't be removed as easily as clutter and dust. But it did help elevate the mood a little.

Here's a pic of me lying in my cold room, doing nothing and beach whaling while contemplating my life's plans as it is - there are none. Stuck in this grey area, waiting for someone to pull me out of it and offer me a better alternative.

Doing nothing after tidying.

ME GUSTA.