I know I've been complaining alot lately. its just really nice to have you there for me, always being my pillar of strength and comfort. Doesnt matter you don't drive a BMW, wear a Cartier or love drinking only Starbucks. It only matters that you're always there when I am upset and always have ,comforting words, well, just words to calm me down.
Its always know theres always an open arm to run into when the whole world seems to have turned their backs on me.
Thanks for being there. Thank you for loving me darling. I wouldn't have made it so far without you.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Alzheimers much?
I don't know its me who is having issues with me, or my mum. But I'd like to think that's my mum's brains acting up. Kinda mean to say, I wish the alzheimers would set in so she'd loosen up a lil. But that's mean to say it isn't it. I'm the most unfilial daughter. But hey, I've gotten the young age alzheimers alrady. It's a pretty strong gene in the family and its getting even stronger by the generation!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Favouritism! I LOVE IT!
I'm sure theres favouritism in every family.
Good for you if you're the favourite child. Not so good for you if you're the one that has to stand aside when your mum praises your brother on his achievement and his high standards in life and how lowly you are compared to him.
She never asks him for anything, nor require him to lift a finger.
However, from you, she wants the world. She wants you to take care of him when she dies. She wants you to find a husband so he can fund your brother's business whenever. She wants you to buy the groceries when you're earning 5 times less than your brother. She wants to to mend the fort at home when no one is around when you're only 24. She asks you to stay at home while she brings your brother and his gf on a trip. She prefers your brother's gf because she is a diploma holder, becuase this girl is more educated than the rest. She also prefers your 2nd brother's gf over your big brother's wife because she is more educated than her. She waits for your brother to come home only then she starts cooking when you're already starving to death. She takes up half the portion to keep for your brother alone when she gives the other half to the rest of the family. She gives him a fruit basket in his room while your fruit . Well your fruit has to be taken from her.
This is what i call favouritism.
Its actually fine with me until it crosses the line. crossing the line being : you have to accompany your brother, mind you, 32 yr old brother, swimming. and once you refuse to, she comes up with reasons why you're the worst sister, worst daughter and reasons why no one wants to marry you because you can't shed the last 5 kg, and everyone in the world wants to see you fail in life, how you'll be a burden to her and when she dies your brothers and their wives will look so down on you they'll cast you into hell.
Its just not worth it you know, when you give your best to the family, however they want more from you. shes even said when she passes on i'd have to take care of my brothers. What about me man? I'm only the youngest sister.
Its a curse. I bet its my retribution from my deeds in the past life. Now I have to suffer a fate worst than a maids. At least maids don't have to take this hierachy mind abuse.
FML. I love my mum. But I can't live like this anymore. I can't even bother to talk back to her anymore. It just eggs her on to push me off the edge until i give her an unsatisfactory answer so she can batter me more with her reasonings.
My life is a bitter comedy that the Gods have planned for their tea-time break.
The only reason why I'm so affected is because I love my mum very much. And that her words mean alot to me. I guess this isnt the same for her.
She never listens to me. She never bothers to ask if I am happy with my life. Or how my day was. Whenever I step into the car she starts pouring all the family gossip onto me and how unhappy she is with my big brother, my sis in law, my father, my maid, my dog, my aunts and uncles . everyone except her precious son. Not that I hate him, i have to make this very clear. he's a great guy. But her overwhelming love for him puts a barrier between the sibling relationship that could have flourished into a stronger bond, and I blame her for that. Now I just don't want to be close to him in fear of further comparison between him and me. Oh how perfect he is he works out all the time. Drives a nice car. Can your future husband or bf drive such a nice big car? Can he afford a rm400,000 shop house? Did you hear how an exercise freak your brother's gf is? Man her body is good. Doesn't matter her face looks like shit, but as long as her body is good, your brother and many other men will love her. And thats what men want. Stick thin body. Men don't love you for your disgusting pig-breasts or face. They want skinny bodies. Especially rich men. You'll end up with a poor man because he has no one else to choose and same goes to you. You have no figure, no nothing. You might as well die right now, you don't have a good future anymore. bla bla bla blalba.
I can list a longer version of this, but I think your brains are frying from reading this already! LOL
Its not that i'm physically abused in this family. She does everything for me. So much so that shes so convinced that she loves me the most. But the underlying part that no one sees is that the reason why she does so much for me is that so I will feel guilt-tripped into taking care of my brothers when shes not around. So I can't go conscious free to allow their wives to take care of them (their rightful duties anyway!?). And I'd have to handpeck my brothers forever. And marry a rich man so I can feed my brothers as well.
I don't know what this is. I know it is madness. I know it is the epitome of madness. It doesn't even make sense anymore. My life doesn't make sense anymore.
I receive this mental abuse of not being able to pass BM because I'm this retarded is an excuse that she uses to hurl verbal insults at me and how much she's wasted her money. To be honest, I don't think I deserve to make it to college. Hell I couldn't even pass my High school cert. All these being a lawyer for family pride and glory. I can't even face myself when I go to work when I know that I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my life.
And there is nothing much I can do to change it without giving my mother a stroke. Then if anything happens to her, I will be blamed for the rest of my life. And that is no difference from committing suicide. Saves me trouble and heartache. Saves everyone the extra effort of expanding their irises for extra vision area to look at my gigantic arse.
I bet there is a fair number of people who are facing the same or even worse or slightly better. But you all know that there is no such thing as equal love. Its all fucking bullshit.
Favouritism - still a painful topic to talk about in all races.
Good for you if you're the favourite child. Not so good for you if you're the one that has to stand aside when your mum praises your brother on his achievement and his high standards in life and how lowly you are compared to him.
She never asks him for anything, nor require him to lift a finger.
However, from you, she wants the world. She wants you to take care of him when she dies. She wants you to find a husband so he can fund your brother's business whenever. She wants you to buy the groceries when you're earning 5 times less than your brother. She wants to to mend the fort at home when no one is around when you're only 24. She asks you to stay at home while she brings your brother and his gf on a trip. She prefers your brother's gf because she is a diploma holder, becuase this girl is more educated than the rest. She also prefers your 2nd brother's gf over your big brother's wife because she is more educated than her. She waits for your brother to come home only then she starts cooking when you're already starving to death. She takes up half the portion to keep for your brother alone when she gives the other half to the rest of the family. She gives him a fruit basket in his room while your fruit . Well your fruit has to be taken from her.
This is what i call favouritism.
Its actually fine with me until it crosses the line. crossing the line being : you have to accompany your brother, mind you, 32 yr old brother, swimming. and once you refuse to, she comes up with reasons why you're the worst sister, worst daughter and reasons why no one wants to marry you because you can't shed the last 5 kg, and everyone in the world wants to see you fail in life, how you'll be a burden to her and when she dies your brothers and their wives will look so down on you they'll cast you into hell.
Its just not worth it you know, when you give your best to the family, however they want more from you. shes even said when she passes on i'd have to take care of my brothers. What about me man? I'm only the youngest sister.
Its a curse. I bet its my retribution from my deeds in the past life. Now I have to suffer a fate worst than a maids. At least maids don't have to take this hierachy mind abuse.
FML. I love my mum. But I can't live like this anymore. I can't even bother to talk back to her anymore. It just eggs her on to push me off the edge until i give her an unsatisfactory answer so she can batter me more with her reasonings.
My life is a bitter comedy that the Gods have planned for their tea-time break.
The only reason why I'm so affected is because I love my mum very much. And that her words mean alot to me. I guess this isnt the same for her.
She never listens to me. She never bothers to ask if I am happy with my life. Or how my day was. Whenever I step into the car she starts pouring all the family gossip onto me and how unhappy she is with my big brother, my sis in law, my father, my maid, my dog, my aunts and uncles . everyone except her precious son. Not that I hate him, i have to make this very clear. he's a great guy. But her overwhelming love for him puts a barrier between the sibling relationship that could have flourished into a stronger bond, and I blame her for that. Now I just don't want to be close to him in fear of further comparison between him and me. Oh how perfect he is he works out all the time. Drives a nice car. Can your future husband or bf drive such a nice big car? Can he afford a rm400,000 shop house? Did you hear how an exercise freak your brother's gf is? Man her body is good. Doesn't matter her face looks like shit, but as long as her body is good, your brother and many other men will love her. And thats what men want. Stick thin body. Men don't love you for your disgusting pig-breasts or face. They want skinny bodies. Especially rich men. You'll end up with a poor man because he has no one else to choose and same goes to you. You have no figure, no nothing. You might as well die right now, you don't have a good future anymore. bla bla bla blalba.
I can list a longer version of this, but I think your brains are frying from reading this already! LOL
Its not that i'm physically abused in this family. She does everything for me. So much so that shes so convinced that she loves me the most. But the underlying part that no one sees is that the reason why she does so much for me is that so I will feel guilt-tripped into taking care of my brothers when shes not around. So I can't go conscious free to allow their wives to take care of them (their rightful duties anyway!?). And I'd have to handpeck my brothers forever. And marry a rich man so I can feed my brothers as well.
I don't know what this is. I know it is madness. I know it is the epitome of madness. It doesn't even make sense anymore. My life doesn't make sense anymore.
I receive this mental abuse of not being able to pass BM because I'm this retarded is an excuse that she uses to hurl verbal insults at me and how much she's wasted her money. To be honest, I don't think I deserve to make it to college. Hell I couldn't even pass my High school cert. All these being a lawyer for family pride and glory. I can't even face myself when I go to work when I know that I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my life.
And there is nothing much I can do to change it without giving my mother a stroke. Then if anything happens to her, I will be blamed for the rest of my life. And that is no difference from committing suicide. Saves me trouble and heartache. Saves everyone the extra effort of expanding their irises for extra vision area to look at my gigantic arse.
I bet there is a fair number of people who are facing the same or even worse or slightly better. But you all know that there is no such thing as equal love. Its all fucking bullshit.
Favouritism - still a painful topic to talk about in all races.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Why never to ask favours from a designer
FREAKING HILARIOUS.
Story goes :
Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...
Read from top to bottom….
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news.
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.
Monday, July 5, 2010
SWEETEST THING EVER
So lately I was complaining of how my life sucked and how poor i was and how amazingly low i am being paid and how my job is going no where, along with my life bla bla.
the depression conundrum is making me and him bonkers and one day i just lugged out my precious set of jewellery which i absolutely adore, and decided to sell them to earn myself extra money.
While photographing them my heart was breaking and i was whining on the phone how sad it was and bunny volunteered to buy my whole vintage collection. I was like no way. That'd be a bad business proposals. I'd owe you plenty of shags if it did come true. ANYWAY. On another lighter and much much happier note,
this popped up in my mail box order today :
the depression conundrum is making me and him bonkers and one day i just lugged out my precious set of jewellery which i absolutely adore, and decided to sell them to earn myself extra money.
While photographing them my heart was breaking and i was whining on the phone how sad it was and bunny volunteered to buy my whole vintage collection. I was like no way. That'd be a bad business proposals. I'd owe you plenty of shags if it did come true. ANYWAY. On another lighter and much much happier note,
this popped up in my mail box order today :
Made me all warm and giddy and fuzzy inside. I laughed out loud. At first when I saw his name in the inbox i was like WTF? What the hell does he want to buy?
Then I clicked it and I laughed again. Not ONLY because he wanted to buy me, but because he spelt my name as JONNA instead of JOANNA. SILLY BUNNY! But so CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. He sounded like my Evidence Teacher Mr Aru for a moment. For the 2 years he was teaching me, I was JONNA to him. Obviously there was an A in JOANNA but he decided to do it his way - the ARU way.
ANYWAY. SO CUTE OK! First time got people want to buy me. Obviously for reasons that aren't against feminist laws, this is entirely a joke. But a super sweet one though. Thank you for putting a smile on my face when all I can do is be sad <3
Then I clicked it and I laughed again. Not ONLY because he wanted to buy me, but because he spelt my name as JONNA instead of JOANNA. SILLY BUNNY! But so CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. He sounded like my Evidence Teacher Mr Aru for a moment. For the 2 years he was teaching me, I was JONNA to him. Obviously there was an A in JOANNA but he decided to do it his way - the ARU way.
ANYWAY. SO CUTE OK! First time got people want to buy me. Obviously for reasons that aren't against feminist laws, this is entirely a joke. But a super sweet one though. Thank you for putting a smile on my face when all I can do is be sad <3
and
Sunday, July 4, 2010
You're around ..
things don't seem so bad when you're around. Like cerealsly.
I'm glad you're there to comfort me when things get messy. Really appreciate it...
I'm glad you're there to comfort me when things get messy. Really appreciate it...
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