Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Bad Valentine Presents

Ok, so, Vday is like, 4 days away now. Has everyone gotten ready their presents for their girlfriends?

Yes? Excellent, the world needs more men like yo.

No? I should expect so too. Men are CLUELESS as when it comes to getting a present for their ladies.

All I can say is, that you can get whatever you want, but there are certain things that you have to pay attention NEVER to get for them!

a) Ring - size too small.

Whats worse than getting a horrible looking ring is a ring that is too small.

Not only does it makes us feel fat (as our fingers arent skinny enough to fit through your misjudged sized ring), it makes us feel unloved and almost reassuredly we'll whelm up with tears that you may mistakenly regard as tears of joy when we frantically try to squeeze in your precious ring, when we're actually cringing with guilt inside for not being able to fit in.

If the ring is lose it can be solved by placing it on other fingers.

Small rings are a big nono.

So guys, if you have to get a ring, please sneak out your lady's ring for a sample to get a lovely pretty one!



There are so many kinds of rings. Remember to pick the less tacky ones and the one that your lady would much prefer!!!!

And if you're going to propose with that ring, and its a size too small, really, what are the chances of her saying yes?

b) Lingerie - a size too small.

Again, lingerie is a sweet and sexy approach to telling your lady that she's a sexy minx.

But if you're really unsure of her size, DONT GET IT.
Nothing says 'fat cat' more than a tight lingerie which emphasizes largely on the unwanted fats on the body. Or her love handles being squeezed out of her 2-sizes-too-small thongs.



Count yourself lucky if she still lets you stay over for the night if you do that.

c) Cheap chocolates.

You're just showing that you're a cheap skate bastard who wont fork out more cash for a pretty Ferrero Rocher.



So what if its chocolates? On this special day, we expect the best!!!!

d) Weight loss tactics.

Yes we may grumble all the time about how fat we are. But this is NOT THE EXCUSE for you to get us book. Infact, NEVER GET THIS BOOK. No matter how helpful or thoughtful you were trying to be, this would always be a topic for arguements in the future, that you didn't like us the way we were.

You know for a real fact, that if you were with us, you'd never complain bout us.

Don't be helpful. Help yourself.

Don't say yes when we ask you if we're fat. Don't even try to help us lose weight when we ask you too.

Your best answer is that we're beautiful no matter what.

Repeat after me, "Darling, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Your ass is AMAZING."


Remember. If you still treasure this relationship, you'll never, NEVER buy this kind of books for your lady's recreational self improvement - no matter how helpful and practical you try to be.

e) Food Vouchers.

Yes, most of us loves a good bargain. Especially when its' on food and when we can stinge on it and save money for another pair of shoes.

This is not an excuse to give us a food voucher you got for free or printed it off the internet. We'll literally break up with you, you cheap skate assh*le.

f) SEX.

Ok, so you think you're a sex god? That its excusable for you NOT to get a present on Vday and just bang her brains out?

Think again.

No matter how good you are in bed, we rather forgo that 30 (give and take) minutes of hot passionate love making in exchange for a lovely bag or a pair of shoes.



So forget about it.

Sex as a weapon used by a man will NEVER WORK.

**********

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